On being an adult
The dickhead who came up with the time change obviously didn’t have any children because while everyone else got to sleep an extra hour we were awakened at 5 fucking 45 AM by the alarm clock that goes off in Leta’s head. Oh, cruel, cruel world. (Yes, I did just call Benjamin Franklin a dickhead.)
Leta Frog
It’s been snowing all day long and our cable modem has been out until just right now (2:49 PM, BASTARDS!). Could she have been anything else for Halloween? I DIDN’T THINK SO.
Thinking
When I save a number to memory on the cordless phone it flashes up the words, “THIS NUMBER HAS BEEN SAVED!” As if the number has a soul that has accepted Christ as its personal savior. SO. FUCKING. WEIRD.
How to Charm Me
Forgive me for punching you in the nads. I honestly didn’t think I would connect!
Can you hear me now?
My father and I talked about movies earlier today over the phone, and at one point in the conversation he asked me, “Do you ever watch your DVDs with the subtitles turned on, just so that you don’t miss anything they’re saying?” And I tried to hold in my laughter but I couldn’t because that [...]
How to Annoy Me
Flap your arms like a migrating duck as I try to put your coat on. HOLD STILL, KID, or you’re going to take flight.
