That’s my mother at age 16. I adore this photo.

  • http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com Fish

    Molly: A … uh, friend … wants to know where you’d get one of them artificial, bull-sized vaginas, just out of curiosity.

  • George (not GEORGE)

    SHeryl, I *saw* that episode of CSI, here’s a blurb:

    It all starts when a man called Bob Pitt is found dead at the side of a road dressed in a raccoon costume. Bob’s somewhat unusual get-up leads Grissom and Catherine to this year’s “Fur Con”, an annual convention in which ordinary people put their lives as “skins” on hold to dress up as furry creatures. Having extracted blue fur from the vomit found near Bob’s body, the CSIs are on the lookout for any furries who might be sporting a blue costume.

    Grissom, in full scientist mode, thinks “Fur Con” is fascinating, but Catherine finds the whole experience too weird for words. It isn’t long before they find a potential suspect, Miss Kitty, who is spotted slinking down the catwalk of the furry fashion show in her neon blue costume. Kitty refuses to take off her mask at the convention, so she’s hauled back to the police department for questioning.

    Fed up with interrogating a pussy cat, Captain Brass orders Miss Kitty — who likes to be known as Sexy — to take off her mask. But when the deputy does so, a quiet-spoken, middle-aged man named Bud Deaver is revealed. Rather embarrassed and withdrawn without the support of his feline alter ego, Bud says he and Bob Pitt (known in the furry world as Rocky Raccoon) were “skritching”, or rubbing their faces up and down each other’s fur.

    But when Grissom finds Bob Pitt’s semen on the Miss Kitty costume, Bud has to confess what really happened when the furries got intimate. And what goes on at those conventions has to be seen to be believed…

  • Molly

    *fish* not sure .. Maybe ebay? check google.. they HAVE to be available for you.. er I mean your friend..

  • For Fish
  • http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com Fish

    Gee, lets see … I’d like one artificial cow vagina with a temperature probe … one without, and … ummmmm, give me a coupla’ them disposable artificial vaginas for the road. And an order of fries, please.

  • Jen L

    What would this be for if you’re trying to get the cow pregnant?

    61650 Stallion Condom – durable latex material, 0.10″ wall thickness; 12 3/4″, 5 3/4 wide at base, 3 1/2″ wide at top opening.

  • eco2geek

    Great picture. She has a subversive look in her eyes. So, here’s a link to “Subversive Cross Stitch”:http://www.subversivecrossstitch.com/ (there’s a site that sells even naughtier patters, but, erm, never mind).

  • Jenika

    A friend was telling me about her and her husband decinding to breed their dog. The people with the female dog moved though and since it was hard to get the dogs together they brought their male to the vet. The vet slapped on the rubber gloves and started in on the dog. Thats right she jacked the dog off right there with my friend watching. She was really glad that one batch worked because she never ever wanted to do that to the dog again. She described how disturbing it was to see her dog get off on the vet stroking him.

  • Mari

    Okay, I’m feeling a little sorry for the World’s Leading Avon Sales Lady. If she comes here and reads the comments about her picture (which is indeed beautiful), she is going to see posts about artificial cow vaginas and “jacking off” dogs. Poor Dooce’s mom!

  • Whitney

    You look just like her! I love you Heather (in a friendly i dont know your family but if i did i’d make some excuse to hang out at your house all the time to shake pill bottles at your dog and hold your squaking baby sort of way), you make me laugh!

  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Ironically, I too know someone who has had to masturbate farm animals. (my sister-in-law the vet tech) Who knew it was such a small world? It’s like the Kevin Bacon game only *icky and yucky*.

  • eco2geek

    This thread just proves how seminal Dooce’s blog is….

  • http://honestyrain.blogspot.com/ honestyrain

    that could be your eye in the thumbnai, dont you think? i mean, you look like her, no? i love how she looks like she’s thinking, yeah, i’m cute, so what?

  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Dear Avon World’s Sales Leader,

    If you have read the above comments, your mind will now replace the words “whack, stroke and jacking” with “kitten, butterfly, and bunny rabbit”. You will not feel alarmed nor be harmed by our silliness. You will only remember how we all think you are lovley, and shall feel appropriatly sassy for at least 3 days.

    P.P.S. The above amendment applies hitherto and thusly to SweetGeorge as well.

  • http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily_photo/11_23_2004.html robin

    “I can’t put my arms down!”

  • sidekick mommy

    gotta laugh about the box story. my coworker was decorating a box one day at work and asked “when i get my work done, can i go line my box with fur?” i burst out giggling because i’m 29 and what else would i do?

  • Sheryl

    Oh my. goodness. I went to a weekly team meeting and came back to all manner of broken taboos.
    I too feel a bit blushy toward the Avon World Sales Leader.

    You’d think we were a bunch of seamen, I mean, uh, we’re talking like sailors!

  • Sheryl

    Nerdy geek goober sailors

  • http://moxiemoron.diaryland.com Moxie

    They say small signs on the door are the first cry for help.
    Next you will be screaming at John about moving to Sandy.

  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Or standing in the yard in your underwear screaming at the neighbors.

  • LOLA

    Asked a girl what she wanted to be
    She said baby, can’t you see
    I wanna be famous, a star on the screen
    But you can do something in between
    Baby you can drive my car
    Yes I’m gonna be a star
    Baby you can drive my car
    And baby I love you

    I told a girl that my prospects were good
    And she said baby, it’s understood
    Working for peanuts is all very fine
    But I can show you a better time

    Baby you can drive my car
    Yes I’m gonna be a star
    Baby you can drive my car
    And baby I love you

    Beep beep’m beep beep yeah

    Baby you can drive my car
    Yes I’m gonna be a star
    Baby you can drive my car
    And baby I love you

    I told a girl I can start right away
    And she said listen babe I got something to say
    I got no car and it’s breaking my heart
    But I’ve found a driver and that’s a start

    Baby you can drive my car
    Yes I’m gonna be a star
    Baby you can drive my car
    And baby I love you

    Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
    Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
    Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
    Beep beep’m beep beep yeah

  • http://kiwi-kath.diaryland.com kath

    “For licking my hand and then using it to pat down the left side of Leta’s hair and then going ahead and using that same hand to wipe the snot from her nose.”
    – Well, at least you didn’t do it in the reverse order…

    I know everybody is saying this, but I definately thought that was your eye in the thumbnail. That is a great photo — there’s so much going on in her face.

  • Tracy

    Because I too am an 8th grader in a grown-up’s body, I had to go to googlism.com and put in “the box” –

    My favorites:
    “the box is a game that has many variations”

    “the box is in great condition and the film appears to be also”

    “the box is the high for the period and the bottom line is the low for the period”

    “the box is preferable to some of the common methods where horses are tied up and severly frightened” (which, really, seems in line with the earlier thread about, ahem, collection methods)

    I dig Googlism.

  • http://bleeblahblog.blogspot.com Shmee

    OMG, I peed my pants I’m laughing so hard.


  • http://shallowworld.blogspot.com Rosey

    While reading an srchived page on Heather’s site the google ads were for “1000′s of LDS singles!!”. Sorry if this has been noted in the past.

  • Different Patrick

    Someone above asked where the link to the furry Christians came from. I saw it on http://www.boingboing.net the other day.

  • bb

    you’re so totally like her. maybe one day leta, in a brilliant blog of her own just like this one, will post a pic of her own mum at 16 and pple will marvel at the resemblance.
    wow, i totally want to read leta’s blog.

  • http://overdressedconfessions.blogspot.com/ kalisah

    And there’s this scripture somewhere in Mormonism that warns you to avoid even the “appearance of evil,”

    HA! You learned that in a Seminary scripture chase, didn’t you?? DIDN’T YOU??

  • Heather

    You two ladies look like twins.Your mom is beautiful. And yes, life as you know it is over now that you are on the verge of having a mobile cherub! Stock up on the baby gates now!

  • Laurel 825

    She’s very pretty. If you’ve never covered the topic, her rise to the Avon heights would be interesting to read. I’ve sold Avon a few times (not successfully) when my kids were very small – the first time, 1991, pregnant me pulling toddler and Avon brochures in a red wagon around the neighborhood in summer. Good times! :(

  • Avon lady

    All over the world, our great products and proud record of service depend on the entrepreneurial efforts of our independent Sales Representatives. Our network of more than four million Representatives reaches into the heart of every community – selling Avon to families and friends in neighborhoods, colleges and workplaces. For each of our Representatives, Avon is a global name but a local business – their own business.

    Could you be a Konsultantka? a Vendeuse Independante, a Sales Dealer, a Revendedora? Today there are many words in many languages to say “The Avon Lady”, but they all mean one thing – a tradition of customer service and a way to add your own name to one of the world’s greatest success stories.

    Our Avon Representatives have spread the word of opportunity around the world. For well over one hundred years, Avon has offered both men and women a unique chance to start a home-based business and to make it grow. Today, 4.4 million independent Avon Representatives in over 100 countries are taking advantage of that opportunity.. And there is always room for more.

    Do you enjoy meeting people in your neighborhood or workplace?
    Do you want to be your own boss, work in your own time, and earn what you deserve?
    Would you like to offer friends and customers a personal, convenient and timesaving way to shop?

    Spanning the globe, Avon is the world’s number one direct sales beauty company. But you can offer your customers more than just the best in affordable beauty care. Today’s Avon customer can choose from a wide selection of products, including fragrance, jewelry and accessories, wellness products, and unique gifts and home decor items.

    For Avon, customer satisfaction is a way of life, and millions of consumers trust our products to be the best quality money can buy. They know, and you will know, that we stand behind every product we make.

    As an Avon Representative, your earnings potential depends on you and your ability to provide reliable and courteous service to your customers. There is no limit to what you can achieve, even as a traditional Representative. And now there is more. You can broaden your sales skills by training as a Avon Beauty Advisor. And in many markets, we now have leadership programs that reward you for developing your business and making it bigger. In leadership, you have a true entrepreneurial opportunity. By introducing others to the benefits of selling for Avon, you can build and mentor your own downline of Representatives.

    Avon understands the importance of providing our Representatives with the knowledge, skill and promotional support they need to make their businesses thrive. We advertise Avon globally, and are committed to investing more behind our great brands. And you can benefit from regular sales meetings, training sessions, and personal support from your District, Zone or Area Sales Manager.

  • Danielle

    so, I’m reading along… and get to the part about the chincillas… and bulls and dogs.

    and I say to the hubby, “boy, the comments are deteriorating fast”

    and proceed to explain (a bit) about the comment topic

    his response “guess I need to start reading the comments more often”


  • Tracy

    I like the Googlism for “Dooce”, too:


    It kinda reads like beat poetry.

  • Shizzolantay

    All over da world, izzle bomb diggity products ‘n proud record of service depend on da entrepreneurial efforts of izzle independent Sales Representatives, know what I’m sayin’? Our network of mo’ than four million Representatives reaches into da heart of every community – selling Avon families ‘n friends in neighborhoods, colleges ‘n workplaces, know what I’m sayin’? For each of izzle Representatives, Avon is a global name but a local business – they own business.”

    Could yo’ ass be a Konsultantka? a Vendeuse Independante, a Sales Dealer, a Revendedora? Today there are many words in many languages be like “The Avon Lady”, but they izzall mean one thing – a tradition of customer service ‘n a way add yo’ own name one of da world’s greatest success stories n’ shit.

    Our Avon Representatives has spread da word of opportunity around da world n’ shit. For well over one hundred years, Avon has offered both fools ‘n brizzle a unique chance start a crib-based business ‘n make that shiznit grow.” Today, 4.4 million independent Avon Representatives in over 100 countries are taking advantage of that opportunity n’ shit. . And there is always room fo’ mo’ n’ shit.

    Do yo’ ass enjoy meeting muthas in yo’ hood or workplace?
    Do yo’ ass want be yo’ own boss, work in yo’ own time, ‘n earn what yo’ ass deserve?
    Would yo’ ass like offer friends ‘n customers a personal, convenient ‘n timesaving way shop?

    Spanning da globe, Avon is da world’s number one direct sales beauty company.” But yo’ ass can offer yo’ customers mo’ than just da best in affordable beauty care, know what I’m sayin’? Today’s Avon customer can choose from a wide selection of products, including fragrance, jewelry ‘n accessories, wellness products, ‘n unique gifts ‘n crib decor items, know what I’m sayin’?

    For Avon, customer satisfaction is a way of life, ‘n millions of consumers trust izzle products be da best quality paper can buy, know what I’m sayin’? They know, ‘n yo’ ass will know, that we stand behind every product we make

  • Tommy

    She looks just like a Girl I knew in High school.

  • Tracy

    Yosemite Sam: holy shit, that’s funny.

  • Sheryl

    No offense, but does someone need to take their medication ?

  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Someone has gone buh-bye coo-coo.

    Step away from the shizalator.

  • Caroline

    Dooce, I’m starting to check back on your site obsessively just for the comments! Oh, and I hate working, so if it’s not too much trouble try to put in more of those awesome nubbins if you ever get time. Great procrastination tool. Plus it’s also a great excuse to weird out my schoolmates; I keep laughing at the laptop in the student lounge, they keep looking at me, and I keep suddenly glaring at all of them mumbling about frito dog feet, cabbage boobs, and GEORGE (I still am crushing on George)! I think I’ve accomplished freaking out most of the students that go to the lounge between 2 and 4. Great site! I promise this will be, like, almost my last drunken post.


  • Caroline


    Please tell me I’m last.

    *Just wanted to see if this’ll catch on. Maybe I can be the LAST post sometimes. NEW COMPETITION!

    YaY ME!

  • Sheryl

    Amanda B – Hey girl
    (You’re not talking to yourself there in the 3rd person are you…?)

  • Sheryl

    Oh, Caroline – it’s only midnight in Beantown for chrissakes. You’re so last… last paragraph!

    Just kidding ;)

  • pssst it’s me

    Amanda B, is it wo*th it to w*ite without those using those specific alphabetic units?

  • http://christine.theajnetwork.com Molly

    Dooce, did you write those CRAZY comments?

  • jenn

    ha ha- i’m laster.

  • Anne A.

    Wow, before I clicked on the link to your daily photos, I REALLY thought that this was going to be a picture of you. You totally have her eyes!

  • http://deann.blogspot.com DeAnn

    You look SO MUCH like her!

  • me

    Wow… impressive list of strange people your mom’s picture inspired… and that is all I am going to say about that.

    My son (first born) could not crawl fast enough! Walk dammit walk!! Then I had twins and wised up. Luckily they were on the same page and did not crawl.. did not walk.. till they were 14 months of age. Get down and bless every single second Leta is not mobile will you?

    Because the period between crawling and preschool is a damned loooong time ;)

  • http://www.shellybeans.org Michele

    I saw the eye and thought it was you. You’re mom was a doll…

  • http://konzadiary.diaryland.com juli

    So, I’m not the only one who uses po-mom-ade on my kid’s hair?