the smell of my desperation has become a stench

I don’t crack the door too far for anyone who’s pushing too hard on me

Jon and I used to go to the gym together in the morning before the baby was born. We used to A LOT of things before the baby was born, and the gym thing along with that part about staying awake past 10 PM have fallen by the wayside. Now I work out in the basement during Leta’s first nap, by myself with a big bottle of water and a CD player full of MP3s. We don’t have any exercise equipment, just a set of seven steep stairs that I go up and down 500 times. And that last sentence just proves to you how insane the author really is.

Back when I didn’t burn through so much bandwidth on this site I used to put up a weekly set of MP3s of music that I was listening to. That lasted about two or three months before too many people started downloading them, but I saved all the setlists and that is what I listen to when I work out. Consequently, I am always reminded of my time in LA when I run the stairs in the basement: the crazy hours I used to work, the 45-minute commute to the office, the months that I dated Jason, Paul, August, Scott, Eric, Mark, and a few others whose memories are a little fuzzy now, and thank God for fuzziness.

This morning in the middle of the workout a Liz Phair song came on, and there is a line in that song that brought back the strongest memory of LA that I have, that of reconnecting with Jon and knowing that my life was going to change. It goes: But I can’t imagine it in better terms/Than naked, half-awake, about to shave and go to work/I won’t decorate my love.

In him I found the person whom I knew I would never get tired of, even in the most monotonous of times, even in the routine of being together every single day. I never thought I would find that.

If you haven’t already, you will, too.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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