I promise I’m smiling behind the camera, maybe

  • Sheryl

    How to answer this question…

    I thought you were incomprehensible. I also thought you were gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). Some of my best friends are gay. And so is my sister.

    But I kinda got the idea that you were looking to get it on with someone, yes. And I knew for a fact that someone would not be moi.

    You asked about how to get two women and “Ah swayah, ah gayave yoo tha Gawd’s awnest troo advahs bout haw ta mayake thet happen”.

    Carol was goofin around cuz I think she also thought you were gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). It’s just *potentially funny* (you know in that absurd, ironic, never gonna happen kind of way) to hear repeatedly about girth or be asked repeatedly for pics if you are a hetero woman – talkin with a gay man.

    Not so funny otherwise. Sorry, but you asked.

  • http://2lovesick.org Maggie

    Awsome new layout Dooce! Might I add, you are quite a looker. Meow.

  • http://www.monkeygumbo.com/tess/news Tracy

    The new masthead is AWESOME!

  • Just Me

    I am also wondering why Leta needs physiotherapy? Last I read she had it due to to the head shape issue but I thought that had been fixed?? I’ve obviously missed a few key entries..can anyone fill me in???

  • http://evil-stepmother.blogspot.com Evil Stepmother

    Aww, pretty new masthead. My favorite is the toilet on the bottom, next to the copyright. I heart little details.

  • Sheryl

    I think Dooce planned this whole RED thing – Her top goes perfectly with the new delicious masthead.

  • http://evil-stepmother.blogspot.com Evil Stepmother

    Just me, Leta won’t put weight on her legs. Refuses to, doesn’t like it.

    Did y’all know people don’t have kneecaps until they’re about two or so? Interesting. Makes fat thighs easier to chew on, I suppose, without all that cartilage in the way.

  • http://www.roboranch.com Stephen McKenna

    OMG, you’ve dyed your background color in between marginally acceptable traditional red and septic tank poopy red!

  • Rammstein

    ACDC is comin to DooceTown!
    *S U N D A Y S U N D A Y S U N D A Y*
    That’s right, the Ass Clenchin Doodoo Carvers

    They play their hits:

    Dirty Deeds, You Shook Me (All Night Long), She’s Got Ta Crap Crap Crap,

    And their classic: TNT
    I’m dirty, mean and mighty unclean

    So lock up your daughter
    Lock up your wife
    Lock up the back door
    And run for your life

    ‘Cause I’m T.N.T. I’m dynamite
    T.N.T. and I’ll win the fight
    T.N.T. I’m a power load
    T.N.T. watch me exploooooooode

  • Sheryl

    TNT – funny! And scary.

    A, just try varying the theme of your material and I’m sure balance will be restored. You know these kids today get bored easily. :)

    I’m out peace y’all.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    TP in the freezer! I’ve NEVER thought of that. Hee hee hee.

  • eco2geek

    Deck the bowls with bows of holly,
    Fa la la la la, la la la la.
    Dooce’s masthead sure is jolly,
    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

  • George

    If people really think less of me because I took a poop and accidentally* forgot to flush… then you can all go to hell. Otherwise, I’m comfortable enough with Heather’s post, it didn’t bother me at all. Only because I would have done the exact same thing to her, had she left a deuce in the toilet of my household.

    *Ok so maybe it wasn’t an accident, I really wanted Heather to be jealous of my free moving bowels. Anyways she deserves it for giving me all of those shit-inducing lima beans.

  • http://www.simzgirl.com/ Carrie

    Yeah for holiday mastheads!

  • Savannah

    You’re AWESOME, too. Thank you for being the adult-female voice of depression and of coolness. I’ve always felt like such a loser because of my depression, and even though it’s not “okay” to be depressed, you make it bearable. And you helped me work up courage to go back and get help, so thank you!

    PS–to the poster known as “kp” who got all upset and stuff because I “used your name” (even though my real initials are kp and I was just, you know, using my initials and didn’t intend to steal your name) you can have kp back. I’ll be Savannah. Why do I feel like I’m fighting with my siblings over who’s going to be the little dog in Monopoly? Anyway, have at it…all yours.

  • http://happynothappy.blogspot.com/ eeyorena

    Ditto what Savannah said. Times 10.

  • http://aaronthomasnelson.blogspot.com Aaron

    Thanks for clearing that up, Sheryl. Point of order, the offer about two women was made to me:

    Sherly (aka Sheryl) said at 11:24PM, 11.30.2004:
    Ok, Aaron, can’t resist – you don’t want two attractive females rubbin the nubbins in yo vicinity?

    Carol, whatcha want me to give o my story? You ask and I will.

    –Obviously I took this as a jesting statement and responded in jest.


  • dave p

    George: “I’ll take “Huge Dumps in the John” for $200 please, Alex.”

    Alex Trebek: “You can do that for free at Heather’s house, George!”

    George: “Alrighty then!”

  • http://www.roboranch.com Stephen McKenna

    Mirror images get me so mixed up. At first I thought you had some special left handed version of the D70.

    Your hair looks amazing. I love the little flip out at the end.

  • http://aaronthomasnelson.blogspot.com Aaron

    Oh, another point of order, Sheryl. I only mentioned “girth” once.. you and Carol mentioned it 5 times more on your own. I didn’t repeatedly say it. Also, you guys brought up my picture on my website first, which prompted my questioning about your websites (which you both said you didn’t have.)

    I also find it a bit questionable that in the same sentence you can say that you absolutely misunderstood who/what I was (that I was gay) and at the same time completely understood the true intent behind my statements (that I was a married man looking to cheat on my wife and children with two older women who live 3000 miles away).

    That’s pretty much ridiculous.


  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Bono- that’s the type of quazi intellectual bullshit that made me stop buying your albums. Here’s one for you, “Don’t waste your talent and our time by talking smack.”

  • http://kimba-bremen.com kim

    i cannot believe i missed all this fabulous action around here just because of the stupid invention of the time-difference and the fact that i had to go home from work.. dang!

  • Molly

    Sue – Those toilet things.. No one but me could figure out how to UNlatch it to use the bathroom.. It lasted a week.. Then my FIL came to visit and he broke it right off and then didn’t say anything.. For now while my little one is just getting mobil.. we keep the bathroom door shut.. I figure once she is able to open the bathroom door, she’ll be learning to PT anyway.

  • Dipali

    Your thumbnail is fundoooo !

  • Girl.A

    Goin’ mobile!
    Keep Leta movin’!

  • Caroline

    Hey, RazDreams, not all of us are delicate flowers. Some roses are hardy. Who gives a shit (no pun intended), if there is a post on Dooce about George’s turd? I mean, there’s a whole section devoted entirely to poop. Plus, he has a whole fanbase, headed by me, She Who Posts Drunk and/or On a Caffeine High. Oh, and sometimes, like now, when I’ve been up forever — I think I’m going on sixty hours now — because it’s finals week.

    So, anyway, what I wanted to post about in the first place. Heartbreakers is on TBS, with Jennifer Love Hugetits, and the guy that plays her love interest looks disturbingly like Jon. Seriously. I couldn’t figure out who it was, but then I had some more coffee and I was like DOOCE! And I wanted to go back and look at the pictures of him, just to make sure, but none of them are showing up. So go rent the movie and see if you can see the resemblance. It freaked me out almost as much as that ceramic pig. I think I’m obsessed. Maybe it’s because I’m supposed to be cramming though.

    And kudos on the nice bowels, George. Large intestines are so sexy ;) .

    Oh, and I thought all the Dooce fans would like this website.


    It says forming feces requires *craftsmanship.* I kid you not.

    Sigh, back to working.

  • http://alenaswebpage.blogspot.com/ Alena

    I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it before, but you and Carolyn from ‘The Apprentice’ look alike. I mean that in a good way.. you’re both pretty hot. ;)

  • http://bethology.blogspot.com Beth

    I, too, HATE the whole time difference thing because I miss all these great comments as they happen.

    BUT! It’s so much fun to wake up and read! I’m almost always running late because I sit here on my ass too long reading all the comments.

    I adore the new masthead and I’d like to nominate GEORGE! for Super Pooper of the year!

  • http://www.commuterchaos.com Kieran

    Gotta love those mirror shots!

  • http://www.soundque.com coskel

    I love dooce ever so much. Why are we all so darn attached to this woman in Utah, people?

    ..because she says the stuff we all want to say – as always, rock on dooce. If I come to Park City to visit my friends, can I swing by and throw things for Chuck to chase in the backyard?

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Heather, you so rock. The colour and compositon in that shot are fantastic.

  • http://littlefaeriegirl.blogspot.com carly

    you are so hot, i heart you xx

    p.s. i also heart your husband and baby….and i’m not a stalker and i live in adelaide, south australia anyway so it doesnt really matter

  • http://www.talktomegoose.com april

    i LOVE your giant watch! i’m a giantwatch kinda girl myself, though sloan hates it. but man, there’s just something to be said for being able to state the time in every single timezone while adjusting your alarm for when the simpsons comes on…

  • http://buttershug.com Nikki

    Now I can’t decide if the baubles above the new masthead are just ornaments or actually replicas of George’s turd.

  • http://heather-anne.com Heatheranne

    Your hair looks good!

  • http://chloeishere.diaryland.com/ Chloe

    Yay new masthead! And I still say yay for George!
    Yes indeedy. Yay for George!

    Lulu– no hard feelings. I was just explaining more concisely why I don’t particularily care for Dickens, and since you mentioned Austen, it was basically the same reasons. I try not to offend people, but when you make general statements on the internet without much explanation, it’s bound to happen!
    And doocie, I really do LURVE the new masthead.
    (I should probably never call you doocie again, huh?)

  • http://bucky4eyes.blogspot.com Katy Barzedor

    So. . .when are we gonna see some shots of Chuck peeing acrobatically? It’s your right to take away his last shred of dignity, right here on the internet!

  • http://honestyrain.blogspot.com/ honestyrain

    I am happy to see that GEORGE! himself has replied with feelings of self assuredness despite his – ahem – error. I have renewed hope for GEORGE! after all. I am sure he is relieved at the news.

  • patti

    Man, is that a sexy camera!

  • http://www.deadjournal.com/users/shermanilla/ Sherman

    i too admire your holiday spirit. have you re-written the classics yet?
    o holy turd
    jingle poopies
    i shat upon a midnight clear
    little crapper boy

  • Elegant Goose

    Dooce, I love the George stories — keep ‘em coming!

    I also have to say that I almost snorted tea out of my nose at Christy’s comment (#19) “deep, mysterious supermodel look”?! Supermodels may on occasion look mysterious but they always appear more vapid than deep to me. Dooce does always manage to look hot in her photos though.

    One more comment before I leave you all. I…friggin’…love…snow-days!!! (Thank you, Michigan weather!) I’m currently both a graduate student & a student teacher (I’m going back to school to become a teacher – I forgot to think of a profession I wanted to do with my English degree… oops… but I love teaching now so that’s okay.) Anyways, yes, I love snow days. I got up this morning and checked the news and school was cancelled and I got to sleep in till NINE THIRTY!!! (For those of you with early-ass jobs or little-ass kids you understand how the extra few hours between five thirty and nine thirty are so very important when you are able to sleep through them.)

    Thank you for letting me share… I haven’t posted a comment here in a while- not because I stopped lovin’ ya’ll, but because I’ve been so damn busy.

  • MrsDoF

    with the doleful cadence of TAPS

    George is gone,
    He was Fun,
    carrying sacks, sleeping with dog,
    playing with baby…….
    All that’s left,
    this small token,

    with the last notes fading away, and the sound of the water re-filling the tank,
    cousin Heather says,
    “I gotta tell this offal story to the Internet”

  • http://kimba-bremen.com kim

    your eyes aren’t smiling.. GEORGE – do something!

  • Carol

    Hey Dooceland!!

    Good mornin’…

    love the festive look!!

    and aaron… don’t worry… it’s cool.

    I guess I was a little thrown off when you asked me to email you, but since you were only asking about law school, it’s cool.

  • victoria

    I think that as long as the sofa, Chuck, Leta and George are all in your house at the same time, you need to have your digital camera with you at all times so that you can capture these moments. So far, there are NO pics of George playing with Leta or sleeping with Chuck! Stop teasing us!

  • Carol

    Aaron…Also, we were talking lots ‘o shit to you. Lesson learned.

  • Robin

    I recommend the outlet covers which cover the whole plate and have sliding doors to put plugs in. It’s a pain in the ass to have to take out the little plastic jobbies every time you want to use the outlet.

  • Caroline

    How come I don’t see the new masthead? And I *still* don’t have numbered posts. What’s with that?

  • http://spankyourcat.blogspot.com/ Christilee

    You look pretty and, I am a fan of big clunky do-it-all watches too. Thanks for the picture.

  • Bob

    George…aka TheTurdMan