On the count of three: three, two, one…

  • http://thefathousewife.blogspot.com/ Mrs.Stray

    Not all women have a problem being vulnerable and giving a man complete control. I recomend women do it more often.

  • Girl.A

    Non-consensual tickling is a crime of power, not a laughing matter.

  • http://www.simplerambles.blogspot.com J

    You’re site is brilliant. I have been laughing my ass off all afternoon! I’m glad I chanced upon your site. :)

  • http://misspriss.org becky

    i was kidding about the mirror part, dooce! ;)

  • Liz

    Just thought everyone should know that some little snot nosed rooky designer stole Dooce’s tagline “now with more cowbell” go to

    to see….yeah, and he stole the entire site desgin from


    could this kid me any more of an idiot!?!?!?!?!

    post a comment on his site to help him get the idea of why all of this is wrong.

  • http://moxiemoron.diaryland.com Moxie

    From the looks of it, a Boobah spontaneously combusted at Dooce’s house.

  • Stacy

    My exboyfriend tickled me so much I had an asthma attack. It was embarassing, but now I never get tickled because I just fake a wheeze.

  • http://mihow.com mihow

    There seems to be a lot of penis talk going around today. I hope it’s not something in the air. That’d be gross.

  • Taylor

    Interesting how the light in the picture is the same white as your background but only the picture makes me wince. I CAN’T STOP SCROLLING UP AND LOOKING AT IT.

  • http://sweetisu.blogspot.com sweetisu

    Ow my eyes! What the heck is that? After all these years of bragging about 20/20 vision, I’ll need glasses real soon. And it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!

    Grab the POWER. Hee hee.

    Yes the power is in you. OK that was too gross/graphic.

  • Now with more cowbell

    Correction: it aired in 2000.

    See dooce’s entry from 9/7/2004 in the Redesign category titled “I’ve Got a Fever”.

  • Emilie

    This is what I received back from my boyfriend when I forwarded Dooce’s “It’s gettin’ kinda hectic” post:
    _”You should not be reading such feminist propaganda, it is bad for you to even joke of such things……”_ I guess that shows so much about him. I’m glad he’s only kidding.

    Heather – your picture today is interesting. It does make my eyes dilate a bit, however – I am looking forward to your story about it.

    Thanks for a great, funny, addicting site!

  • http://diversionmary.com Eric Bostrom

    God that poor guy. Is it just me or is there a particularly high level of testicular dooce-abuse going on lately?

  • Laurel 825

    It’s the angels, Mickey, comin’ down from Heaven. And I see you ridin’ a big, white Mormon.

  • http://www.edgeofbone.com/wedding Amanda B.

    Many a testicle has to fall…
    but it’s all in the game…

    doobee doobee doooo…

  • http://www.shootersstation.blogspot.com Jazzy

    I’ve seen the light. Prissly lights whoa!

  • me? I’m a nobody

    So, there!
    and, !!!!!!!!!!! france

  • http://happynothappy.blogspot.com eeyore-na

    I think whether the tickle thing is fun or not depends upon the willingness of the “tickle target.” (See how legal this all sounds? :)

    In tickling, NO MEANS NO!

    There should one of those vintage hygiene films on this somewhere, but I can’t find it.

  • http://karinka1.blogspot.com karinka

    “How are we going to shop now, huh? HOW ARE WE GOING TO SHOP NOW?”

    This quote totally reminds me of an outtake from “Waiting for Guffman” when Parker Posey’s character is auditioning for the play. She yells “Who’s on top and who’s on bottom now, huh? Who’s on top and who’s on bottom now?!” I love Parker Posey…and Dooce.

  • Julie

    Caro- Thanks for answering my ? about the dooce effect and printing. I need desperating to make my daughter look more angelic to get my MIL off my ass!

  • becaru

    Tickling in any form is just thinly-veiled hostility. I applaud your plan for putting a stop to it!

  • Julie

    Caro – that is “desperately” I tried to spell, not “desperating!!!” It’s been one looooooooong day…

  • Colleen from NJ

    Did you say “Piper…” from old Pink Floyd? Wow…you lucky, lucky girl. I am crying just reading your comment.

    And, to everyone: Don’t forget to get out the vote today:

    best essayist catagory

    You know, if the tickler ignores the “SAFE WORD”, it is only right to use THE POWER.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Nikki’s cute.


    nope, not me

  • http://www.704d.com/bob Toad

    Doesn’t “On the count of three” mean when you say “Three” you um, do the thing? On Three?

  • Melanie S

    I actually broke up with a guy that would pin me down and tickle me until I cried. In my case it was a form of abuse. (I can’t believe I just posted that on the internet!) He did it because he knew that I hated it and he would do it EVERY time until I cried.

    I hope he zips his POWER up in his zipper after a puppy with razor sharp teeth bites into it while he’s sitting on the floor puting his socks on as he gets ready for work! Ha! (because, really, who the hell has to sit on the floor to get their socks on?)

    Take that tic-tack weenie man!

  • bb

    I LOVE your posts about tickling. I always show them to my boyfriend, since he seems to have the biggest problem with needing to tickle me. He needs to know about the law.

  • sherry

    Now is it “Three, two, one, click”? or “Three, two, and click on the one”?

  • http://honestyrain.blogspot.com/ honestyrain

    i detest being tickled. the problem is, i laugh when tickled even though i HATE it. i am getting madder and madder and really crying and screaming inside but there i am laughing and my attacker thinks we are having oh so much fun. until i kick punch hit grab. i will defend my self by any means when tickled. any means.

  • Kellie

    I disagree with some of the thoughts on tickling. First of all, if I was tickling someone until they cried or vice versa, then someone needs a big time out and an explanation on personal space and understanding where the line is. When my hubby & I engage in tickling each other, it’s not hostile, it’s not violent, it’s playful and fun and as soon as either says “stop” it stops. I suppose it could be a form of hostility but I don’t think tickling in general should be catergorized that way. I can’t believe I just spent 3 minutes defending tickling. I need a break. I need to go home. I need to get tickled.

  • Sheryl

    Does one need a drink of Tequila to understand the countdown for this PHOTO DUEL? I understand perfectly. Unless Dooce’s mention of the involvement of Tequila was referring to the babysitter…

    It makes sense she would set the rules going one way and then count backwards. It’s “Tequila Thinking”, as my BF calls it.

    AND NO, Carol, he is not “Uncle Mark”. What kind of perv do you think I am? Showering with my uncle.

    P.S. I am betting the photo Nikki took of Dooce, if we ever see it, will not include flash coming from the infamous D70. On-camera flash is not photo-aesthete style.

  • Girl.A

    Tickling is awesome as long as it is consensual.

  • http://homepage.mac.com/christykilgorehadley christy

    Next thing you know they’ll be letting the gays tickle. What would Jesus think, people?

    And then people will be tickling their dogs and three people will be tickling at once and that’s not the kind of world I want my children living in.


  • http://occupant.org/anna lulu cornichon

    Oh my.

    I thought I remembered something about (unwelcome) tickling being defined as a form of torture under international law, so I Googled it.

    I guess I forgot that the internet is 99.44% porn.

    There’s a fetish for everything. Even tickling. Yikes. Never mind.

  • hottttie

    I’m sorry, but what the hell is that?

  • http://kimba-bremen.diaryland.com kim

    you know, when i step off the plane in chicago tomorrow night after travelling for about 18 hours and finally see my man again after 335 looong days, he can tickle me ALL HE WANTS. just sharing my excitement!!! with the exclamation marks OF GERMANY!

  • http://www.lacoquette.blogs.com Coquette

    The red coat. The black gloves. Here comes Santa Claus, folks.

  • Emily

    Christy, your post is hilarious.

    But isn’t it interesting how many posts there are from people who’ve been tickled against their will?

    OF COURSE, all tickling isn’t bad, *even S&M tickling,* as long as it is desired by the Tickle-ee. Touching people as they expressly tell you not to touch them is bad.

    Just for fun, try this with all the tickling stories on this page, both pro and con:
    Swap all the “tickle” words with “forcably fondled” or “bitchslapped” and see what that sounds like.

    If you like it, you like it, if you don’t, you don’t.

  • Sara

    My husband doesn’t understand the trauma I’ve suffered from the tickling hands of an older brother and various uncles, either. I feel your pain. Being tickled is never fun. He deserves what he gets.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    My husband just gets too into it, so it hurts. Otherwise I SPAZ OUT but I like tickling within reason.

    I do so need a safe word, though. WORD.

  • Laura

    You know how they train baby elephants not to wander away by putting a big heavy chain on their leg so they can’t break it and then when they grow up into big strong adult elephants trainers can put a little rope around their leg and they won’t break it because they’re so used to the thing on their leg being unbreakable?

    Not tickling like that. A man much bigger than me doesn’t need to know what it feels like to use his weight to hold me down. Even in tickling.

  • Do you want to keep your _______?

    Safewords – Nads. Gonads. Testis. Balls, nuts, cajones, cool beans, nards, batter bag, bollocks, basket, cullions, family jewels, meat sack, man-ovaries, private parts, privates, rocks, scrotum, in-sperm-ary.

    Or how about mixed, chopped nuts? Crushed rocks. Mashed nads.

  • http://harrygirl.blogspot.com/ Kathy

    I hated being tickled as a child, laughing so hard it HURT!!! I told my daughter to tell people “don’t tickle me, I’ll pee!” And guess what, she does pee if you tickle her. But it really puts a stop to that evil tickling after you’ve been peed on a few times!

  • http://www.miney.diary-x.com Dana

    “That, and they weren’t embarrassed at all to hold a thirty minute conversation on the cultural significance of a “Real World” cast member.”–WHICH ONE??!!

    “…and then you should just stick to that instead of revealing to everyone in the room that you once tried out for a reality dating show…” –WHICH ONE??!!

    Are the two question marks followed by the two exclamation points too obnoxious? At first, I had three of each, and deemed that WAY too annoying, but, now, looking at two of each, I can’t tell? I mean, I want to convey “Oh my god, I could totally be into that conversation, please give more details!” BUT, I don’t want to sound like that loser in grade school that was always left out of secret telling and would come up behind you as you were leaning to a friend to tell the next secret. Like, so, he could try to hear? But then he couldn’t? And would still try to find out what you were saying…by asking more questions? You know? No? Okay.

    I apologize. It’s Friday. I’m drunk.

  • U.B.

    I myself detest being tickled almost as much as I detest having my nads threatened, or worse, actually attacked.

    But I DO like tickling my own little kids because the belly laughs are just too cute. But I don’t do it for more than a second or two because I don’t want to add to the other emotional baggage I assume I’m causing. Should save them a year or two in therapy when they hit their 30′s…

  • http://andreah.typepad.com Andreah

    I want to be friends with Ryan and Nikki, but hey! Will their interview with you be online somewhere?

    I am in love with the chucks ass and dirty watch scenario. It makes me feel better when I find a black lab hair in my daughters diaper.

  • Sheryl

    Wow, do I ever know what you mean:
    “they haven’t yet been spoiled by years of working in corporate America”. Shit.

    Not that I’ve been spoiled yet, but *Ah sho nuff do know what Massa like.*

    Sounds like you had fun.

  • http://jpandthemegabeast.blogspot.com JP

    damn that was funny…

  • http://bornfamous.com lavonne

    my secret weapon against hyperactive ticklers has always been farts. loud, SMELLY farts. turns ‘em off every time.