The calm before the storm

  • Slim

    Susie: What happy pill are you on?
    If the word calm is before the strom then obviously it can’t be pleasant.

  • George Lover

    Here’s the dilemma (although I like your thoughts, Susie):

    Any of the “storm” moments in most people’s lives, (or the calm before them) like the death of a family member, or when your parents divorce, usually don’t include photo ops. So it’s perplexing. And if we think of “storm” in a more fun-loving way, like a tickle fest, then Dooce’s ominous comment this morning doesn’t fit.

    Yes, I actually do have real work to do.

  • KellyH

    Fish, typically in Animal Science, you WANT the bulls to breed, not wear condoms, so I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout no bull condoms.

    The bulls that don’t become steers, that is. Heh.

  • Fleas

    Uh…actually…you should know that Avon Skin So Soft actually keeps fleas away too! Just keep Chuck slathered in it and you should be fine all summer…DOESN’T YOUR MOTHER KNOW THESE THINGS????

  • Shiz

    It’s scary what /fleas/ knows.

  • honestyrain

    i have so many very interesting things to say about your blog today but i am tired and grouchy and so am unable to express myself with any degree of – what – ah feck, i can’t even say that i suck today. all is lost. i suck.

    you, however, do not.

  • Susie

    George Lover (and Slim, too) — but is dooce’s comment “ominous” or have we just assigned it that connotation because of the photo? I admit, I’m still thinking Leta because I don’t have tiny people in my home at the moment and I find them delightful. But I do remember that when a little one goes from sitting docilely wherever you park them to say, crawling, for example, life goes quickly from calm to storm — things crash, parents scramble to baby-proof, etc. I wouldn’t place any bets on my theory, but it’s what I enjoy thinking of just now more than some of the other possibilities presented. (Probably just the happy pills, like Slim says.)

    I have work now, too. Hopefully the truth will soon be revealed.

  • Fish

    I’m sorry, KellyH, the discussion was about bull-semen collection devices, not condoms.

  • LadyBug

    Colleen from NJ: Hilarious. And though I do have a little crush on the Dyson guy, I’m not sure I’d want to “Pooka” him…better to save such intimacy for the hubby, no?

    And Amanda B. — Every time I read your Ancient Chinese Proverb, I giggle out loud (I’m at work). Every. time. Perhaps I’d better quit re-reading it.

  • The Mighty Jimbo

    i’m hoping that’s a “buddy jesus” lamp,although a “buddy moroni” lamp would be pretty cool too.

  • Iain

    Is that guy gonna shoot someone?

  • MrsDoF

    Fish(at comment 80) your lawyer language is showing. Makes me want to pull out the video of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.
    I’m thinking that the nice, quiet, dark picture up there is the last before we get bombarded with photos of Season Festivities. Which is alright with me, we got nine cards in the snail mail box today.
    Celebrate, good times, come on.

  • Colleen from NJ

    Yes. You are right, of course, LadyBug. Thanks for getting me back on track. It’s all these wacky hormones and talk of condoms. You must be getting more sleep than I am.

    Sphincter of life…I can’t stop that damn helpless chuckling.

    Mighty Jimbo, might I ask: what is a buddy Jesus lamp? Is it too late to get one for my mother-in-law?

  • Rembrandt
  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    Mrs. Fever and I have had many a conjugal relation during episodes of the PBS Kids morning lineup. Shoot, without Zaboomafoo the second kid would never have been conceived in the first place.

  • Fish

    Jimbo: are youi referring to “the Buddy Christ”, ala Dogma?

  • LadyBug

    Colleen from NJ, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I probably have NOT had more sleep than you. I’ve had…_maybe_ 15 hours sleep since last Friday. Too friggin much to do, and the only time to do it all is after the kids go to bed.

    I think the sleep deprivation explains my slap-happy, chuckling-out-loud-at-the-slightest-provocation-especially-the-mention-of-the-phrase-”sphincter-of-life” mental state.

  • Amanda B.

    Johnny Fever, Dude. Parents DO NOT have sex. Ever.

  • closet metrosexual

    Re: “sphincter of life”
    I’ll never be able to hear the theme from The Lion King the same way again.

  • Colleen from NJ

    ok, now I am Laughing. My. Ass. Off.

  • Colleen from NJ

    And, LadyBug, ooh, girl, you gotta get some zzzs.

  • Venus Man Trap

    I would’nt mind giving a pooka to those Zaboomafoo brothers.

  • Shiz
  • Torph

    Speaking of lice. When my daughter was in the second grade she got lice at school. I thought, “No big deal.” At that time she had beautiful mid-back blond hair. By the time I was through with her she had a short, short (home cut) hair cut. I really wish she would have broken her arm instead. Now that I really could have dealt with!

  • George Lover

    One word: scabies

  • Shiz

    George Lover, MUST we be gross?

  • Rorschach

    She’s pregnant.

  • Jenie

    Oooh…and that’s what’s up with the mirror picture yesterday…there’s going to be another baby in the house!
    LoL – just thought I’d add to the conspiracy theory!

  • lulu cornichon


    God bless you, Dooce, if it’s true.

    Heck, God bless you even if it’s not true. You’re a peach.

  • Shiz

    This is how rumors get started!

  • Tom Foolery

    lol…maybe it will get Heather’s attention and she’ll elaborate on the ‘calm before the storm’.

    Only if she wants to elaborate, that is. No pressure.

  • eco2geek

    De Anderson ladies sing this song,
    Boo-bah, boo-bah,
    De window’s only 17 minutes long,
    Oh, boo-bah day.

  • A Fan ~ Jinny

    Ah..the flea thing. I so totally understand. Eck.

  • dänika

    did the actual phrase “titanium codpiece” escape his lips? You are a blessed woman.

  • Jennay

    How to Annoy Heather
    Unsolicited hypothesizing.


  • Caroline

    Okay, about the lice – my lesbian neighbors have a little girl, and their (not sure which one’s) father-in-law lives next door to them, along with the father of the girl, a la his father’s basement. Anyway, I came home today to this annoying little girl rollerblading on the sidewalk. With. No. Hair. The father shaved it off. And in my head I was thinking ‘Dude, lice shampoo,’ and ‘it’s getting cold.’ And then she came up to me and was like ‘I had lice so Daddy shaved my head.’ And, desperately trying not to laugh, I told her that a lot of famous models have really short hair, and that it’s _totally_ the latest style. But oh my god it was funny.

  • Caroline

    Oh, and just to clarify, the inlaw is the ex inlaw of one of the lesbians. The father of the girl’s father. If that makes sense.

  • Caroline

    Not that anybody cares.

    I should get my own blog.

  • d

    pregnant! again?!

  • Kahli

    Pregnant, eh? What the hell kind of a storm was it? Goodness…

  • closet metrosexual

    Pregnant? No wonder she calls it THE POWER.

  • Jenie

    LoL – time to go home! Really, I hope everything is ok and this isn’t something really bad! Can’t wait to see tomorrow’s pic and I hope for something a little more….upbeat!

  • Amanda B.

    Wait a minute. Dooce’s step father caught lesbian head-lice from a pregnant Britany Spears?

    I’m so confused.

  • jessica


  • Nathan Logan

    Another incredible photo. Truly.

    You really should start putting some of these up for sale.

    You have a keen and beauty-capturing eye. And a nice camera.

    Keep up the good work (please!)!

  • MrsDoF

    Caroline (comment 166) that family relationship explanation is so convoluted that I read it three times trying to get it straight. Do you live in West Virginia? because as I understand it, there are some really mixed up families there.

    And the lice (which are worse than Fleas) remedy is how my dad fixed our heads the first day of summer I was 7. Buzzed away the hair, applied kerosene with a rag, washed heads with the hose in the yard. Since most of the kids in the neighborhood went to the same school, we all got the same treatment. The school building got fumigated over the summer. The next year, not one case of lice.

  • aic

    Are lesbians allowed in West Virginia?

  • Lisa

    I love this site. Where else can you talk about lice and pregnacy and poop in one sentence??

  • Zach

    Don’t forget the West Virginian Lesbians.

  • Mere Scribbler

    oh my.

    this is a minimalist version of Wong Kar-Wai’s In the Mood for Love. Seen it?