• http://www.itssonotaboutyou.com sporty

    LT. 45 different kinds, and, we have fruit cups.

  • http://www.plannedparenthoodc.om sportyspice

    I guess I see their point since we show no intrest whatsoever in this website or its commenters.

    We suck!

  • the niffer

    Good luck Colleen from NJ!

    Closet Metrosexual: I think as long as you don’t wipe your ass with it, the phone shouldn’t get poopy.

  • Sheryl

    Let me rephrase that last comment about roses. It was obtuse, esp considering the photo of the poisonsettias.

    An ass is an ass is an ass.

  • http://journals.aol.com/fkaren1964/ScatteredThoughts/ Fran

    Off topic but I pictured the Dooce masthead this morning whilst I was clenched-cheeking it to the bathroom because of a 24/48 hour bug. The thought (and subsequent laughter) almost caused a major accident. Caution: The after effects of reading this blog can be more dangerous than trying to dip Chicken McNuggets in sweet and sour sauce while driving with your knees.

  • Mo

    YAY!!! Beer!

    Yeah, I think Cheers in Utah might include more egg nog lattes and faire isle sweaters than smarmy blondes and dank. But when you find the dank, oh, such dank shall it be.

  • girl. dude. cop.

    Jennay #79: cute story. My dad and I share the same birthday and when I was young I could never understand why he and I weren’t the same age. I was so confused!

  • Carol

    I think the Poisonsetta pic is beautiful and the little pic looks like Chuck’s tongue. If he’d just had a red lollipop.

    *trying to get back on track because this is kind of WEIRD*

  • http://www.isnotchicago.com LT

    Sheryl: I understood the first time. :(

  • http://www.itssonotaboutyou.com sporty

    Hey niffer. Amen Sheryl.

    Ah the dangers and controversy of the bathroom…

  • Reevah

    Did anyone read the title of today’s photo??


    No stance on whether or not eating it will kill you, but it seems that everyone has missed this..

  • http://www.itssonotaboutyou.com sporty

    # sporty said at 10:35AM, 12.21.2004:

    Hey niffer. Amen Sheryl.

    Ah the dangers and controversy of the bathroom…

    I’m glad someone someone wants to be me, and they understand how much I love bathroom humor *and* pooping.

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    Oh wow, Reevah…I did miss that completely!

    I wonder if everyone is OK over there…!

    I did some more research, and while it can be toxic to cats, it does take a lot, and really just makes them puke if anything. And really, what *doesn’t* make a cat puke?

  • http://www.dooce.com Amanda B.

    Hey, did I miss something? Where’s Fish? Girl A. we need a scary link, quick!

    Closet metro- tell us about a weird dream involving dentata!

    I am with you my friend Sheryl. Is it the coffee or did things go all twilight zone?

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    Amanda B.–It’s Sabotage!
    So Listen Up ‘Cause You Can’t Say Nothin’
    You’ll Shut Me Dow With A Push Of Your Button?
    But I’m Out And I’m Gone
    I’ll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On
    ‘Cause What You See You Might Not Get
    And We Can Bet So Don’t You Get Souped Yet
    You’re Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage
    I’m Trying To Tell You Now It’s Sabotage

  • Sue from Ohio

    I’m with Jon…I’m a ‘please-don’t-let-me-know-your-using-the-toilet-while-talking-to-me-on-the-phone’ phobic, too….my husband sometimes does that when he’s away and I insist that he call me back….I hope Chuckles doesn’t eat those ‘poisonsettia’s'–Good One, Chicken

  • aHHH no it wasn’t

    Reevah: No the point wasn’t missed go back and read again from the top.

  • beachgal

    so i guess my long post about the plant got overlooked in all the other weirdness going on. I don’t guess everyone reads all the comments when it gets this crazy.

    Oh well. Bottom line, you’d have to eat 500 leaves of a pointsettia for it to even make you feel ill, and since it tastes bitter, so the research says, most toddlers/animals wouldn’t nibble more than once.

    Myth: BUSTED.

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Niffer – haven’t you heard that everything in the bathroom gets shitmist on it when you flush? That’s why you have to keep your toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. Unless you have a hands free headset, you’re bound to touch the phone with your hands between wiping and washing, and that’s gross, too. Or maybe I’m just a little too sanitary.

    Amanda B. – I didn’t dream about dentata last night. Instead I dreamt about my ex-wife, which is basically the same thing.

  • http://www.photoengrave.blogspot.com blu

    I don’t have the energy to read all of the posts so if someone has mentioned this already..please excuse the repitition.
    Poinsettias are NOT poisonous to cats.
    “Although many people believe poinsettias, ivy and mistletoe are dangerous plants, and while these plants do have toxic potential, they seldom cause serious clinical signs if eaten.”

  • http://occupant.org/anna lulu cornichon



    Why am I still alive?

  • http://www.nytechguys.com/~captain/blog/index.html Brian from LI

    This is amazing, over 220 comments and all before 1pm.
    And this is why I come here and feign doing any “real” work.


  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Sorry Lulu, it’s true. You ever flush while still on the pot, and feel that cool sensation? That’s shitmist, sweetheart.

  • http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f02/web2/stan.html lulu cornichon

    Good lord, it’s true. See the link.

    I’m off to scrub my… my… everything now.

  • Mo

    i guess i pee quietly, cause whenever I’m on the phone, the person listening doesn’t know it till i flush. Then they’re all like “HEY!! JERK!!” and i’m all like “WHATCHOO GONNA DO? NOTHIN!!”

  • Slim

    Closet M: now what am I going to do about the coutesy flush that’s 2 coats of “shitmist” LOL typing this word alone makes me giggle

  • http://www.isnotchicago.com LT

    Next up: portapotties and cellphones.

  • Mo

    So, who else is TOTALLY going to try to use “shitmist” in a sentence today? Homework assignment? anyone? anyone?

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Slim – I started with poopmist, but shitmist seemed much more poetic. Lulu’s link uses the term “F3 force: Fecal Fountain Factor” which sounds quite daunting, but way too polite.

    BTW, thanks Lulu, for filling in for Girl.A with the links. Where is she, anyways? We miss her.

  • Mo

    One time i heard a kitty meowing from inside a porta john. Turned out it was just a cell phone with a kitty meow for a ring.

  • http://karmadgeon.blogs.com muffy

    “shitmist” huh..

    That’s a new one I have to share with my friends who also like to talk about … shit.. and things.

    But remember, the shitmist gets more potent when you flush with the lid DOWN. Next person to lift it gets a big one in the kisser.

  • http://angoras.blogspot.com/ TracyDee

    Love the pointsettias… very Christmasy.

  • Slim

    Mo: I will, I will:
    Due to the Shitmist Effect all bathrooms are now in household until cleared but Mommy Hygienist.

  • Jenie

    Yeah…have checked this site like 10 times today and already posted….but just realized the title. I’m so glad it’s a short week at work for me…I don’t think I’d make it otherwise.

    Also Good luck and Congratulations Colleen from NJ….what a great Christmas present!

  • Slim

    That was suppose to be “closed” so much for grammar

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Lull in the comments – did everyone else go clean their bathrooms too?

  • http://www.dooce.com Amanda B.

    Damn it metro. Now i’ve got that “not so fresh” feeling. I had honestly not thought of that before.

    What other evil nastiness lies in wait that i’m unaware of…

    happy place happy place happy place

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Hey man – smell my finger.
    Lemon scent Clorox Disenfectant Wipes.

  • http://www.mycircuslife.com Circus Kelli

    Dooce, that is a SUCH a strikingly beautiful picture! Did you use the ‘dooce effect’ on that one?


  • Wilma

    I had a boss once who worked from home and used to call us from the bathroom. Now that is just unneccesary.

    Poisonsettias OF FRANCE!

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    Sorry Amanda B. but would you really rather not have known? Ignorance of shitmist is not bliss. (And keep the damn phone out of the bathroom. You put it next to your face, for chrissakes.)

  • http://www.dasbecca.com/ becca

    Did you even get to tell Jon about the peek-a-boo? DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING! Hee.

  • Red Headed Stepchild

    Hey, I’m also one of those people who pee whilst talking on the phone.

    Maybe that’s the reason my officemates demand I work from home…?

  • http://yucky.kids.discovery.com/noflash/body/pg000150.html Girl.A

    Merry Fucking Shitsmas!

    Actually I think shitmist is a semi-proper German word but cannot yet confirm.

    You know how you can smell farts and poop and shite? Well that is because there are particals of fecal matter floating in the air and they are going up your nose and in your mouth, being sensed by your top end system.

  • Erin

    I love how pillowy and soft you have made the petals look.

  • http://ninotchka.squarespace.com Ninotchka

    My sisters and I do that all the time. And we always announce it by saying “I’m taking you to the bathroom with me.”

  • http://www.ihateclowns.com Kano

    I thought this was pretty darn funny………..http://www.mediatinker.com/blog/archives/008798.html#008798


    This is the first time I’ve woken up and there has already been 250 comments.

    Simply stunning.

  • http://johnsloas.typepad.com/crooked_line/ John Sloas

    from a stay-at-home-dad… me peeing, baby on the floor, lap-top on the lap, mommy on the phone.

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metrosexual

    GEORGE! doesn’t have to deal with shitmist; he doesn’t flush. Smart kid, that GEORGE!