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How to Annoy Me

Say that you and your fiancé are going to get a “prenumptial” agreement.

Feeling Guilty

For blaming my farts on the baby. You knew this was bound to happen.

Benevolent Dictator

Here is DJ Frog chillin in the Graco Swing Her and Leave Her: Here is the ONE photo where if you turn it upside-down and fold it over and then look at it with your eyes closed, she kinda sorta looks like me, but not really: Yesterday morning Leta woke up with a severe case [...]


I don’t fucking like tornadoes.

Job Description

A friend once asked me whether or not I liked my job, and at the time I was working full-time at a web design shop in Los Angeles. My answer was that I loved my job approximately three days out of every month, and during the other 27 or so days our relationship was more [...]

How to Charm Me

Refer to our daughter as a ripe berry on the grumpy tree.