Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Feeling Guilty

For abusively and obnoxiously wrapping pasta around my dog’s snout and posting pictures of it on my website.

The Italian Job

About a year ago I said something on this site about how I felt guilty for wrapping spaghetti around Chuck’s snout just so that I could watch him bare his fangs and try to get it off. I have received email from The Anti-Spaghetti Around the Dog’s Snout People who seem to think that subjecting [...]


“We’re doing a thing that normally results in a baby, but in this case only leads to severe chafing and lifelong nightmares of being chased by a giant pink wolf through a swamp.”

How to Annoy Me

Forget to phrase an answer on “Jeopardy!” in the form of a question.


Oh, the inhumanity of a formula-fed baby’s poopy diaper! GEE-YUCK.


Wilco: A Ghost is Born

How to Charm Me

Try to take a bite out of Leta’s stuffed duck and run away whimpering when it quacks at you, you stupid stuffed duck-eating dog.

I know I said that I wouldn’t talk about them anymore, but if yours were as sore as mine you’d be talking about them, too

I didn’t think it was possible to shock my father any more than he has been Heather-shocked, but last night on the phone when I told him that I had cabbage in my bra he nearly choked as his lung got lodged in his throat. I figured that if the Internet knows this about me, [...]

The Beginning of the End of All This Talk About My Boobs

Leta slept in a little later this morning, until about 7:20 AM. Since we’ve been back from San Francisco she’s been going to bed at 6 PM and waking at 6 AM, so this morning I lay there awake waiting for her morning noises, little grunts and sighs and gurgles that say, “Please come get [...]

The Birthday Without the Puking and the Screaming