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(tap tap tap, is this thing on?) Jason. Jason. JASON! Dude, if I were gay I WOULD SO TOTALLY BE UP IN YO’ GRILL. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

He got to go shopping all by himself, so yes, I am a little bitter

Christmas as a mother is entirely different than Christmas on the other side, the side where I had the weekends off and got to sleep in past 6:30 at least once in a while. I have never really enjoyed shopping, and now that I have a child shopping is like having toothpicks shoved under my [...]

In line to see Santa Claus

Jon took this photo and surprisingly no one was harmed or maimed during this excursion.


I know that what I am about to say could be considered too much information, but isn’t that why you come here anyway? Why do my farts smell like Leta’s shits? It’s not like I’m eating applesauce or drinking formula all day, and every time I change her poopy diaper I’m like, wait a minute, [...]

Commode conversation

Yesterday Leta started playing peekaboo with me, lifting up a blanket, hiding her face, and then jerking it down to reveal her smile. We played it seven or eight times before I had to get up and call Jon to tell him the news. The baby! Playing peekaboo! BY HERSELF! CALL HARVARD. So I picked [...]

How to Annoy Me

Accuse me of passing along my hiccup gene to the baby. YOU CANNOT INHERIT THE HICCUPS.



You know you’re a mother when you refer to the dog by your husband’s name.

Maternal milestones

Last night we were at a neighborhood Christmas party when one of the neighbors I have never met walked up to Leta and me and asked how old she was. When I told him she was ten-months-old he asked if she was “walking all over the house” yet. I answered, simply, “No.” He looked quite [...]

How to Annoy Me

Ask me if I have pooped today. It doesn’t matter! I pooped once last week.