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His ego writing checks his body can’t cash

2005/01/12



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  • http://krissypants.blogspot.com krissy pants

    If GOD is taking requests, can you please smite Flava Flav for getting all pussified over that schizoid blond amazon woman. Not Dooce.

  • http://www.kempland4u.com Gooooder

    He’s a wild puppy!

    And you better hope the Avon Sales Reader doesnt get a look at the site. Oops is right! She’ll fire you!

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metro

    Amanda B, Tara Reid’s boob popping out was not a smiting to her, that was a blessing to me. (You got to count your blessings somehow.)

  • http://battybeyond.blogspot.com Tammy

    yeah, they worked hard and built an empire for that money, and basically she’s an airhead who’s not worked a day in her life and has no concept of what the real world is.

    as for chuck–i believe in supporting the ‘underdog.’ (he. he, i’m so damned clever). Chuck can so totally take him.

  • http://holyschmidt.blogspot.com Melanie S

    Metro,

    Tara’s nipples are ugly. She has nothing going for her personality wise. Her nips look like they’ve been flat ironed and stretched. Gross.

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metro

    Damn, Melanie, I had blocked the ugly nips part out of my memory. Why’d you have to smite my blessing? Party pooper.

  • http://www.melaman2.com/cartoons/singles/stills/Z/underdog3.jpg Fish

    Underdog, now that was a great cartoon.

    Although, considering what we know about Dooce, its a bit of a stretch to consider her Polly Pureheart.

  • http://krissypants.blogspot.com krissy pants

    Have no fear! Underdog is here!

    I dressed up as Underdog for Halloween when I was in second gread.

  • http://krissypants.blogspot.com krissy pants

    Surprisingly enough I did pass second gread…I mean grade.

  • UGGGH

    Tara’s nipple is so ugly because the nipple was sew back on crooked. Must have gone to a second rate surgeon for her breast augmentation – and she opted to have the nipples cut off for insertion of the implant as opposed to going through the armpit or bellybutton like Pamela and Brittney.

    Normally only people who have stretched boobs get breast lifts. Tara Reid was an A cup.

    With a breast lift part of what they do is cut off the nipples around the ariola and later sew them back on. And then you pray you have feeling and that they work if you need to breastfeed.

  • http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/women/marybeth_tinning/ Dean

    “would say that at least 50% of people use fowl language infront of their children. If my son accidentally hears one of us say something like fuck or shit, he knows not to reapeat it”—yesterday’s entry

    Are you kidding me? You think that 50% of good parents curse?! No good parents don’t say those things in front of their children; they use their brains and think of alternative words, or handle their anger better. Good parents realize that there are ways to express oneself that doesn’t need to end with ..a four letter word. I bet you spank your children too, and then when they hit you or a sibling, smack them back one—that’ll teach’em to respect you damn it!

    Some day your child will come to you and say fuck you mommy, and it will be because they lived what they learned. Yes you Heather. Is it that you hated your Mormon youth so much with its constraints that you’ve made sure you’ll do every thing under the sun to deface ole Joseph smith?

    Dear God, if this is what your people actually believe and this is how children are raised..help us.

    About her being Andrea Yates, I don’t think it was that harsh of a comparison. Three are pictures of Heather with greasy hair unwashed for days—just like pictures of Andréa and she had 4 kids. Gee no wonder Jon doesn’t hit ya up for some, you’d be stinky—who wants to go muff diving on someone who hasn’t bathed in a week?

  • Cristin

    What happened to you, Dean, that made you so hateful and mean?

  • http://krissypants.blogspot.com krissy pants

    Dean,

    Did you really just compare Dooce to a murderess?

  • http://heavydutypower.blogspot.com Thel

    Dean,

    Dude, check it out–President Bush is an alien!

    http://www.internetweekly.org/iwr/parody_bush_ufos.html

    I read it on the internet so it must be the exact truth. Right?

  • Carol

    Dean, you’re hilarious. ‘Cause…. that’s all a joke, right?

  • http://themissus.blogspot.com BJT

    What a great photo, I love watching dogs roughhousing it.

    Dean – isn’t that comment just…mean?

  • The other Paula

    Cute doggies, Chuck looks like he’s having a blast.

    As for Dean, I think ignoring him is the best thing to do.

  • La Pixiatrix

    That was some crazy shite, Dean.

    Can we just start ignoring the comments that are meant just to rile people up?

  • http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com Fish

    There’s this bum on the corner who tells stories about going muff diving off the coast of Da Nang during the war. True, the water was lousy with mines, but it was grade A muff, he said, so it was worth it.

  • http://www.weehob.com Charmaine

    Dogs are so intense sometimes when they play — it’s easy to forget that your dog is a DOG and needs to play rough like that. Great shot!

  • Carol

    “grade A muff”

    Hmmm… let’s see… yes.

    yes, that’s my new favorite phrase.

  • victoria

    Dean, scolding parents who’d dare to curse in the presence of children gives me the impression you view yourself as some sort of authority on good manners and respect for others.

    So I wonder, in what galaxy is it good manners to confront someone with the challenge, “who wants to go muff diving on someone who hasn’t bathed in a week?”

    Dean, before you scold any person for using profanity in front of their kids, take a look at the way you are behaving.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Dean (145): “No good parents don’t say those things in front of their children”

    That means “Good parents say those things.”

    Glad all yer chillin’ will be smaaaat.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Guys, this all started YESTERDAY, comment 282, the Yates thing.

    These people are critical and hateful. And wrong.

  • http://journals.aol.com/jeniec2000/Ramblingsandothernonsense Jenie

    I think it’s probably just the same person trying to see how many people he can get to comment on his lame-o attempts to diss Dooce.

  • U.B.

    wow bob wow (obscure Twin Peaks reference).

    So, according to Dean, the key to being a good parent is no profanity?

    Dang, I thought my kids were doing so well and now I find out they are *fucked*! I’m pretty sure I let a Godammit loose this morning when I was cleaning up spilled jelly and late getting them to school…

    shit

  • http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com Mormon General Authority

    DEAN THIS IS GOD. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME SAD.

    THAT IS ALL.

  • http://spelunk.blogspot.com mrs. george #2

    Yeah I’d much rather talk about crooked nipples than deranged assholes (Dean).

    But yall need to quit hating on Lindsay Lohan. She’s a personal friend of mine and she’s super hot (unlike Paris that dumb bitch). Plus, her boobs are real. I think.

  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com/ Girl.A

    I have a big crush on Lindsay Lohan’s freckles.

  • http://clobberblogger.blogspot.com Colleen from NJ

    Dean/Shel/Sybil/whoever else you call yourself,

    get a grip, and stop pissing all over this website with your slanderous, ignorant, ridiculous cries for attention.

    like we need more hate in this world.

  • http://spelunk.blogspot.com mrs. george #2

    I KNOW! I’ve always thought that freckles are like the cutest things EVER. I want freckles like Lindsay. And she has that cutsie smile too. Strange, but something about her teeth is really attactive to me. I’ll go stand in the weirdo corner now…

  • victoria

    Dean *IS* Shell from yestereday — the same hypocrisy runs through both comments.

    Just as “Dean” scolds Heather for swearing, then delivers himself of that incredibly foulmouthed comment about “muffdiving,”

    so did “Shell” yesterday scold Heather for being a “potty mouth,” but that aversion to “potty mouth” didn’t stop Shell from saying Heather has “no ass or tits.”

    In both cases, the speaker’s self-proclaimed high standard of discourse appears to be no barrier to their making unbelievably rude and graphic comments about Heather’s body.

    There can’t be more than one person in the world who is so lacking in self-knowledge and common decency.

  • http://spelunk.blogspot.com mrs. george #2

    You just haven’t met enough people, victoria.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    I’m with Girl.A and MG2. Freckles and teeth. They work for me.

    I lament my crooked teeth, but my dentist says they aren’t worth worrying about. Still, if I come into money I’m getting braces. Late in life but better than never.

  • http://www.mycircuslife.com Circus Kelli

    La Pixiatrix, I’m with you. Let’s ignore ‘em.

  • Carol

    Shiz – I got braces when I was 32 and pregnant. Preeeety!! I’m so glad I did.

  • http://krissypants.blogspot.com krissy pants

    I once got my braces caught on my friend’s carpet. My teeth were stuck to her caaaaaarpeeeeeeet.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    Oh, Carol, thanks for the hope. I’m 29 now and no braces in sight …

  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com/ Girl.A

    I hear coming into money is a bit of a trick to pull off. If you’re a Girl.

  • http://www.thingsihavetosay.com Suki

    Dear Dean,

    It is obvious that you don’t have children. It is also obvious that you are an infantile asshole.

    Andrea Yates had FIVE children, not four, unless you count her useless husband.

    Dooce’s husband is supportive and gentle and loving. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

    Dooce loves Leta and has gotten and continues to get the help she needs. Andrea Yates did not.

    Also, when you are a parent to a real young one, you forego the extra 5-10 minutes in the shower washing your hair. It isn’t as important as caring for your child.

    Parents do curse. Why? Because a REAL parent isn’t immune to those bouts. It is the ones like Andrea Yates who kept it all in that are dangerous. If the kid hears, the kid hears. When they are old enough, you tell them what it means, inform them that they can’t use the word until they are older and you move on to the IMPORTANT THINGS. Cursing parents don’t love their children any less, they simply offer a more colorful upbringing.

    Now please commence with getting your head out of your ass.

    Thanks!

  • http://symbioticfishes.blogspot.com Fish

    Girl.A: I think you just need an awful lot of very, very sexy money.

  • Are you there God? It’s me Wendy

    God…will you smite Dean?

  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com/ Girl.A

    It takes money to “make” money.

    omg Fish you left the door wide open.

  • Are you there God? It’s me again…

    God…did I ever thank you for giving me my period when I was standing in line on picture day at school? Or how about having to wear a bra at 10. No? I never did…hmmm.

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    I think we should all try to teach our kids ONE thing that is just plain wrong, like always calling oranges “Sweet balls of succulence.” Just WAIT till your kid says THAT one day in front of a friend’s parents or a teacher, thinking it’s totally normal.

    I so have to do that.

  • Nina

    Fowl language?

  • http://www.biggaysam.blogspot.com Big Gay Sam

    Ain’t jealousy a bitch? I’m always amazes at the motivation behind someone posting anonymous hate messages. It’s either compensation (for the men) or jealousy (for the women).

    Dean I bet your jealous that Dooce has a bigger dick than you. She has more balls too.

    A foul mouth does not denote bad parentage. It just means a wider range in vocabulary. ;op

  • http://www.biggaysam.blogspot.com Big Gay Sam

    fucking typos… make that “I’m always amazeD.

    I need to go back to bed..

  • http://shiz.typepad.com/ Shiz

    To add to that Big Gay Sam, my parents, though I love them, were NOT great parents, even though neither of them ever *thought* a cuss word in their lives. Swearing is not as big a deal as some of you think.

    Geepers, Hateration, go get an enema. For real.

  • Cristin

    Geepers, Hateration, go get an enema. For real.

    heh heh, wouldn’t want to be anywhere in the area when *that* sphincter blew! lol

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