His ego writing checks his body can’t cash

BigGaySam said: “She has more balls too.”

Thank Uppercase GOD we’ve come full circle. Heather has more balls because she’s got Chuck’s in a jar full of formaldehyde on her nightstand.

Ergo, I’m sure Juicy Ground Chuck merely has a platonic relationship with the other dog in the picture.

See that? See how I did that? fuckin GENIUS people!

….with wonder

Second Son at age 3 politely asked a lady at the grocery store
“Do You require Assistance?” when she bumped a stack of cans and about 8 of them went rolling.
She laughed so hard she had to grab ahold of the handle of the cart and bend her knees. I think she might have peed herself but didn’t admit it.
The boy fetched all the cans and stacked them neatly as high as he could reach.
Then he turned to her and asked “Are you amused because of what you did, or what I said?” sending her into another round of laughter.
This from a mother and dad who can turn the air a smoky blue with cuss words, even on a good day.
Oh, yeah, the picture of the doggies looks like they are having fun.

“Gee, it seems like someone is a bit obsessive Dean, now doesn’t it?

Reading all these entries and plotting just the right moment to show your ANGER towards a blog you MOST LIKELY read every day…

Waiting for new photos and shaking your little hairy fist at your computer screen. She is brave enough to share her life with the world, you… not your real name even!

Hide you face dean. It is probably all twisted with jealousy and cowardness anyways.

And that “child” you speak of as your own is probably either very unattractive or made from loose bits of hair from your 20 cats in your cat shit smelling house.

The only one seemingly crazy or dangerous here… is you! Fucking S-T-A-L-K-E-R!”

Do you know what I think is really funny here, all this talk about kids hearing swearing from parents and it somehow scarring them for life, yet no one has really addressed the simple fact that there are LOTS of places children will hear swear words if the parents never swear a single day in their lives.

Unless you lock you kids in a room and sell the t.v. or radio they are going to hear it, unless you home school your kids they are going to hear it, unless you never take them out of the house to stores or places where there are teenagers with big mouths who think saying fuck makes them cool, they are going to hear it. And the funny part to all that is what they hear outside of the house is ALWAYS a million times worse then what dirty words might slip out of mommies mouth by mistake.

Then what happens later in life when you think you have been this great non swearing parent is your 14 year old comes home day and asks you what a DILDO is, and then tells you that he has been wondering that since FOURTH grade when he first heard the word. So really GOOD LUCK to anyone who thinks that not swearing is going to make a huge impact on a child’s life. As long as you are not swearing at them who cares if you drop a glass and say SHIT, I mean really?

And remember, she’s not bad, she’s just drawn that way.

I love her too.

I love JessicaRabbit too. Makes sense to me.
Suki said
“It is the ones like Andrea Yates who kept it all in that are dangerous.”

So does that mean you think if I refrain from cursing in front of my kids then I am going to be dangerous? Although I don’t think it is going to really hurt anything if you do cuss in front of your kids, I try not too.
Oh yeah, I guess Dean thinks I am an awful parent too because I spank.

Okay, back to boobs. Tara’s? Ew! EW! How stoned was she not to notice that huge… scary nipplage hanging out? And Lindsay’s? At least she traded in the last ginormously disproportionate DD pair for a smaller set. Hospitalized for “exhaustion”? Wink, wink.

Man, Dooce, your latest entry made me laugh so hard! It reminded me of the days when my best girlfriend and I were on the phone for HOURS hypnotised by Trading Spaces and other such things. She was a stay-at-home mom of a toddler and I was, um, housewife (the husband is refusing to give me kids, just yet.)

Ah, good times. Seriously. I am going to go call Charlotte right now and leave a cracked out message about how I wish she still stayed at home with the kids.

Aaaaaah! Another ‘Project Runway’ fan. I am just a little too obsessed with this show. (…”You represent the best–and the WORST.” Heidi is so cold; I love it.)

I personally hope Nora is eliminated next. That crap she pulled last week was not cool.

you said do do… ha! I was one of those kids who did do those things, like throw a knife at my brother.

Fuckalingadingdong? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh wow, reading that post reminds me of when my two boys were little, they are only a year apart. Two kids needing diaper changes all day, two sets of bottles, never being able to leave the room for a second. When they were two and three years old, one night while I was at work the oldest climbed up on the bathroom counter and opened the medicine cabinet and got out a disposbale razor and shaved off one of his brother’s eyebrows. The babysitter claimed not to have even heard them in the bathroom and thought they were in their room playing. Kids are QUIET when they are being naughty. And the kicker to that is that when my youngest boy’s eyebrow grew back he cried because he said he liked it better the other way.

Wow, Heather, that was kind of harsh to your friend Kelly.
If I were her I would secretly be somewhat pissed off, even if it is in good humor…
Great post though. I love your relationship with Beth.

Meredith: And that “child” you speak of is probably… made from loose bits of hair from your 20 cats in your cat shit smelling house.

This is freaking awesome. Everyone in this room is right about at my maturity level. VIVA LA NIPPLES!

remember those necklace sets, two pendants that, when put together, said “Best friends”, each girl got half?

Check this out!!! Strange German toilets with a poo inspection shelf (no photos of feces)

http://www.spies.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html

Remember the necklaces that we used to get that said “Best Friends” and you could split them so that one said “Be Fri” and the other one said “st ends”…

That what the post title is in refrence to.

YES! Number 5,042!

Y’all, Dooce had me a rollin’ with that TV stery. So. funny!

Go, Dog, Go!

And thanks, Internet! I was all curious, so now I’ll have Tara Reid’s scary nipple seared into my brain forEVER. I mean it–thanks!

Dern Google and its dern smutty pitchers.

That’s not a nipple. It’s a quilt.

“It puts the lotion in the basket!”

I just wanted to say that I am SO not addicted to Project Runway. I’m not. Really, I’m not.

BBBuuutttt, did you SEE that dress Austin whipped up for the wedding dress challenge?! Oh my gawd. I understand it’s fashion and designing and everything, but COME ON.

My dad said that one of his friends got one of those erections– he said, “The damn thing was like a kick-stand.” Love your blog.

…and sorry about fucking up the bolding in my previous comment. Oops. I swore.

Don’t worry about the raisins. If they swallow a quarter and poop out two dimes and a nickel, you have problems!