The Monsters

In the midst of all the chaos yesterday I had to babysit my sister’s four-year-old twins seen here in a rare moment of sitting still.

  • Dang cold..

    it just sort got outta hand from there…sheez I’m like cliff claven..not knowing when to stop…

    leakbutt and rectalage to all…

    see?? I need help.

  • cat

    A shout-out to “The Monsters”:

    What’s a mattah, you?
    Why you look-a so sad?!

    Seriously. Why you look-a so sad?

    It’s a nice-a place…
    (Ah, shut-uppa you face!)

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work
  • Anita

    I was lying in bed last night wondering about if I could blog on the kindness and awkwardness of pumping breastmilk at work without being dooced.

    And I thought of how kind Dooce’s latest “how to charm me” homage to Jon was.

    And then I got really excited when I thought: Being on National TV could be Dooce’s cure for constipation!!!!

    I almost got out of bed to send that thought out immediately.

  • Dang cold..

    yea that is kinda fucked up susie. we are talking about a superhero named johnston. not the “T”. then we talked about uh..hang on lemme scroll up…he’s got an evil aunti dooce and crabs are like kryptonite for him and then I talked about testiculor the wizard he confides in like mork going to orson aka the oracle of delphi..

    I REALLY need to go home!!

  • gwen

    I thought you did a great job on ABC last night. I thought they spun the story a little weird – made it sound like you were on par with the guy who wrote company secrets on the internet or like you were oblivious to why you were fired. However, you looked poised and did well.

  • http://james jp

    Yeah, cathi be glad, be very glad…

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    Had you just threatened them with imminent death if they didn’t sit still and behave? The twin in the foreground looks like he just might be constipated and is contemplating crying, and the poor little lad in the background looks like he doesn’t want to get smacked. I recognize that look all too well! Regardless, they are two of the cutest kids ever. Aside from Leta, that is.

  • Cathi

    jp – that’s over on the website today… “my penis hurts… on the tiny hole.” I’m so glad I have a girl.

  • Library Girl

    But there such cute monsters :)

  • Cathi

    jp (and all really, as a warning of what might happen), I don’t get Oprah here. The company that owns our local CBS affiliate has taken it off cable. They want the cable company to pay them… Long story short, we’re thinking the broadcasting company is trying to set precedent in a small viewing market before taking this national. Currently the FCC doesn’t require cable companies to pay for local, free (over-the-air that is) transmissions. (Click my name for more details.)

    I can live without Oprah though.

  • annabelle

    As the Hubby and I were crossing the George Washington Bridge at 5:45 and we still had 15 miles to go before home and the grocery store to hit up for dinner, and I realized I wouldn’t be home for the broadcast, I said, “Sheet, I’m gonna miss that woman from that blog thing I just discovered.”

    He said, “Hmmm?” as he maneuvered the car and I could tell he wasn’t listening.

    “Yeah, that blog called Dooce that I told you about- that lady who got fired for it and talks about farts and stuff.”

    “The DOOCE,” he replied, always lighting up when encountering a really out-there nickname.

    He totally didn’t care that I missed it.

  • http://james jp

    wherein lays the evil cyclops known as poopeye.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Makes me think of when Butthead wanted a tattoo on his butt — a tattoo of a butt, with a butt tattoo on it. The infinity of it all was, frankly, staggering, and I had a newfound respect for Butthead as a deep thinker. Huh huh. Deep.

  • moose

    …a two headed wizard…

    *her eyes open wide*

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Miz Striz, The Monkey doesn’t just spank itself!

  • Susie

    Wow, Dang cold, that is DEEP. And I have to wonder, did you accidentally post to the wrong site? Because we were kinda talking about male genitalia, and I think yours is more of a theological, mythological treatise . . .

  • The Monkey

    Bucky: She likey to make me pretty before she shmeers the makeup all over my … face.

  • Dang cold..

    just jiving susie…I did miss your point from before..dammit I want to go home..

  • Circus Kelli

    Lisa — Guilty as charged.

    Goooder — the thumbnail could be a picture of a tattoo of an eye on a hooker’s ass…

  • Susie

    Cathi said “perked up” and “penises.” heh heh

  • christy

    Dooce looks gawgeous of course.

    But I love the way they say “or blog” like this is the hip, new thing. Hello abc news! Catch UP!

  • Dang cold…

    the orifice of anusoron is near where testiculor the two headed wizard dwells. Lost, condemned souls dwell in this forsaken relm. The plague of hot wind and skid marks torments them eternal. Oh the wailing…the wailing of the vanquished ones.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Those kids looks sad or scared. or sad and scared. Imagine if you had 2 Letas. I would never want twins.

    Bucky, you are way to keen on spanking a monkey. Way.

  • http://james jp

    Oh look missy oprah is sucking julia roberts ass today. Can miss that people!

  • Circus Kelli

    Those boys look like they’re getting a timeout… or maybe they’ve just been threatened with one.

    Dooce baby, after the day you had yesterday, I hope you were able to relax and maybe have a little drink. I’d give you the day off if I could!

    You came on the TV and I was in the kitchen and Hubby was just coming up the stairs and I got all excited and said “THERE SHE IS! I READ HER EVERYDAY!” I may have even jumped up and down.

    Thankfully, Hubby didn’t say a word about my dorkiness–well, at least not to me anyway. :)

  • Cathi

    Susie, you’re dealing with a large group of people who — working or not — spend an inordinate amount of time staring blankly at their computer screens. We’ve perked up a bit at the talk of the penises, but I don’t think we’re ready for your intellectual stimulation. lol

  • Gooooder

    bucky, i guess that could be the case.

    a hooker’s ass can be quite scary to young kids.

  • Dang cold…

    whats that susie??? John boy fell down the well? I’ll get papa walton…

  • Effie

    I watched ABC news just to see your segment last night–(I had to search for the channel). It was good–if you were nervous nobody could tell–and your southern accent wasn’t really strong either! I was impressed! And Leta looked SOO cute–if you two weren’t famous enough from the NY Times, now you are for sure!

    The twins look rosy cheeked like they just woke up from a nap or something–very cute, but I can see how they could be monsters too!

  • moose

    “The Oracle of Delphi if you will.”

    Isn’t he truly seeking the wisdom of the Orifice of Delphi?

  • kat


    loved the abc bit last night.

    the best part was how they put you before the very country, “Ah didn’t mean Kmart no harm” boy. you couldn’t have sounded less like him.

    Also, Jessica Cutler, “I f-ed senators from the front, back and side” looked totally bad! She needed a brush..

  • Dang cold..


    guys I think susie is trying to tell us something…

  • Lisa

    SEK said at 07:31AM, 02.10.2005:
    I stayed up until 11:30 (my time zone) to watch you. I was yelling for my husband “YOU’VE GOT TO GET IN HERE. I READ HER PAGE ALL THE TIME. LOOK THERE’S LETA!”
    I wonder how many of us did that to our poor husbands!

  • LadyBug

    jp said at 01:53PM, 02.10.2005:
    “And his powers lay in the hands of a boy…”

    I heard boys can go blind doing that.

  • Gooooder

    if anyone confuses today’s thumbnail for something other than a kid’s eye, i am going to really start to worry about them!

    no hooker’s ass today!

  • LadyBug

    Wouldn’t an uncircumcised penis have a built-in pocket protector?

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Maybe the twins just saw that scarred hooker’s ass.
    Would go a long way toward explaining the naked fear in their eyes.

  • Susie

    Subtlety is lost on you people. And it wasn’t even all that subtle! Yes, I’m saying why not JOHNSON for the broken-wiper state of being (long-time dooce readers, remember Heather saying “limp dick” to the AWSL story?), and JOHNSTON for an erection. That’s what I’m saying. Sheesh. Yes, Ladybug, posture, upright, yada, yada . . .

  • Michelle

    Never mind! I see it’s been addressed in the comments already…

  • Lala

    It may not be such a bad idea to supervise twin peeing. Boys get distracted sometimes and do things like the ‘turning around to look’ while peeing move or the infamous ‘crossing the streams’ move. None of these or their varients are good for the walls or the floor covering.

  • annabelle

    I completely missed it- can anyone tell me what was the editorial spin that they put on it- was she portrayed positively? How did they deal with the whole she lost her job thing? And does Heather actually talk with a Southern accent?

  • http://james jp

    Lets just hope he doesn’t get hopping mad and start spitting.

  • beatrix

    I’m so sorry you’re only known throughout the country as the “woman who lost her job because of her website.” But hey, 15 minutes of fame is, well…15 minutes of fame. Take what you can get.

  • MamaPajama

    Even though I watched the news last night, I down-loaded the clip to watch again. Have you tried watching it in slow-motion? Heather looks drunk!

    I can do this because I’m working from home today.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    The Monkey — after Amanda B puts the bows in, do you get a hearty spankin’?

  • closet metro

    So size doesn’t matter? I figured for a penis to be a superhero, it couldn’t be little.

  • Wicked H

    Either they are exhausted or being threatened. Which is it?

    Adorable in any case.

  • Leslie

    Is anyone else seeing these google ads on the front page? “Fart for sale on ebay” and the remote controlled fart machine? How appropriate.

  • Scott

    Don’t they both look so thrilled to be there?

    The story on ABC last night went pretty well. At least Dooce got top billing and Leta even made an appearance. It doesn’t get batter than that! Plus, they followed up the story with a piece on lemurs. It’s almost enough to make me watch television news again. Besides the Daily Show, that is…