Phone War

Beth taking a picture of me taking a picture of her with Jon’s cell phone. I think it’s time I get my own cell phone, but then people could call me and I’m just not ready for that.

  • The Mighty Jimbo

    i log in once from patagonia and i get a story about blow jobs and anal sex.

    you almost make me miss socal. almost.

    this heather, this is why i love your site so.

    hasta from the tip off the world.

  • Moxie

    Your ex boyfriend gives a whole new meaning to “please pass the Grey Poupon”.

  • jelene

    “if you blow on a penis, will it blow up like a balloon?” wondering that when i was like 12…

    SUCK not blow… and don’t blow in a vagina, or she will get air in her blood vessels and explode. that’s gross.

  • Andrea in Canada

    Wait, how many Andrea’s are there now? LOL..I’ve lost track…of course not of me…I always know which Andrea I am.

    Wendy, where in BC? I’m on the island.

  • kater

    Oh my your post today made me laugh out loud. In the office, at work. Sooo funny! “Mom, how do you toss a salad?” — priceless.

  • T. K

    Dooce, I’d like to call you, we could chat over hot-buttered scones and curse the world straigh to hell.

  • Andrea in Canada

    I laughed…oh I laughed! Dooce, my dad would just drop down on the floor in heart failure if he read that about me! OR YOU! LOL

  • SueFromOhio

    Just so you know, you and Gene Simmons have got to have the longest frickin’ tongues on the entire planet. You should dress up like him for Halloween…then dress up Jon as one of your ‘female’ groupie types…I’ll bet he looks real good in a skirt…hehehee

  • Dang Cold..


  • Alaska Danielle

    I agree with you, Danielle. I had posted to my blog a few days ago that I *officially* don’t like camera phone images. Isn’t it just as easy to carry an actual camera around? I do. The images usually look grainy and have a distinct stalker vibe.

    Then again, I’m not overly enthused with our cell phone-based society, and I got rid of mine three years ago when my road trip was over, so I may be biased.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Heather you have a long ass tongue. And that comment in no way references your anal post. Seriously.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    And now when sick bastards google A1 and anal they will find there way here. UGH I HATE all these “fat housewife sex” google freaks. For real.

  • Meggan

    Dang Cold (52), I see the Ozzy reference. Which is weird, because I woke up to Ozzy on the radio this morning. I think it’s a sign.

  • Meggan

    Not that Beth actually looks like Ozzy, because she doesn’t.

  • Seven

    64th! I think that’s the closest to first I’ve ever been.



  • Jaia

    She looks like the Mona Lisa, gone mad with the power of modern technology.

  • Library Girl

    Silly Girls :)

  • Sharon

    Courtney, have you ever tried to keep a cell phone number from a mother who is desperately hurt that you won’t even give your cell phone number TO YOUR OWN MOTHER?

  • copy_kitty

    off topic:

    Threaded? As in the body-modification procedure? Or am I missing some obscure reference to A-1 and anal sex?!

  • Dang Cold..

    Then the key is not to tell mummy that you have a cell phone. Turn it off and hide it during family gatherings.

  • hey paul

    The key is not getting a cell phone at all.

  • Dang Cold..

    yes…or that

  • Carla Beth

    I threw my cell phone away two years ago. Literally chucked in the trash. One reason is that I constantly had this piercing ear pain. It started when I started using a cell phone and stopped within a week of throwing it away. The doctor I spoke with said it’s a coincidence. Apparently lots of people are having this experience … and their doctors are telling them the same thing! Becareful with those darn phones.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    I’ve been looking so long at this picture of you that I almost believe that it’s real.

  • Dang Cold..

    Okay maybe I’m blind but in that dark, grainy pic of sinister beth, is there not a *slight* hint of Ozzy Osbourne? She does look lovely in pics though with that big beautiful smile of hers.

    *mama I’m comin’ home*

  • courtney

    People can only call you, Dooce, if you give them the number. Just keep that in mind…

  • disurbonce

    So, it’s me looking at you looking at Beth who’s taking a picture of you taking a picture of her so that I could look at her. Stop the madness!

  • so, completely off topic, but

    i got threaded yesterday. anyone ever done that? it hurts like a BITCH.

  • Dang Cold..

    lala – as superplum says. I was sleeping of my anal-filled friday night.

  • heather

    you just need to think of it as a camera with other annoying features. you don’t need to answer it.

  • beckythefirst

    wait, i’m confused. where does the extra camera come from then, if you’re taking a pic of her taking a pic of you? hmmmmmmmmm… don’t mind me. it’s still early here, my left eye is bugging me, and i have nothing else to do until i can open it fully.

  • brodie

    Well, I personally find it really FUNNY and not at all IRONIC that heather has choosen to talk about anal sex just minutes MINTUES i tell you! after being national recognized. I wonder, is this an attempt at keeping readership down? And wasn’t that a book about humping rabbits? Readership Downs?

  • Heatheranne

    Nah, you don’t need your own cell phone. You can just steal Jon’s all the time the way my husband steals mine ALL THE TIME!

  • emily

    “the Leaning Tower of Penis”

    *spew Diet Coke on monitor”

    “like one of those signs in the yard that keeps leaning over to one side”

    *choke and splutter so loudly cat runs from room”

    “in an Elmo voice”

    *collapse onto floor and cackle maniacally*

    Woo! I think this is in my Top 5 All-Time Dooce Posts. Tell it, sister! :)

  • Manic

    My first camera phone actually took pretty good pictures; as a phone, well it sucked, then died. So now I have one that is a great phone, but the camera part – - – well, let’s just say it’s a good thing that I didn’t pay for it!

  • gardens grey

    Funny picture. You have to let us know if your dad read that post. Poor dad. ;)