Sister in Zion

  • Melanie S.

    You know she went to sleep last night holding her bible praying to be forgiven. Great story.

    My mom told me that I was going to hell for wearing thongs because “too much of your bottom is exposed”. Exposed to who? My jeans?

  • greenthumb

    Going to the Doctor…keep it lively gang.

  • Ms. Belle

    Who cares about a picture of “Sister in Zion” – we want to see Aunt Lola! (preferably on a better day when she IS wearing panties)…

  • Alli

    Those didn’t used to spook me out as a child, but now I’m kinda trippin balls about the statues around temple square.

    Maybe its the guilt of being raised a Big Fat Momo, and then finding myself in a crowded bar every weekend on Sunset and La Cienega singing primary songs.

  • Vanessa_AR

    Yeah, forget that photo! What’s important is to keep on writin’ ’bout them crazy relatives! (Sounds like some of mine.)

  • Fran

    Am I the only one who thinks she resembles Heather, a little…

    When I cover one eye with my right hand and close the other eye.

  • saralynnmo

    Goooooo, boobies indeed.

  • Libraryhill

    I second Ms. Belle!

  • Lisa S

    Hey – she looks like you! Weird.

  • CanadianAmy

    Man, I came on to comment an hour ago, and then after comment #106 I got completely absorbed in the plastic surgery of the starses.

    Great stuff! Except for the Tara Reid frankenipple, which will haunt me the rest of my dayz.

  • Nathan Logan

    The stinky asparagus pee is genetic (the stinky pee and the ability to smell it)!

    Check it:

  • the niffer

    Nathan – that’s cool! I can smell cappucino frozen yogurt in my pee. Now that I know that it’s a special gift, I will only use it for the purpose of good, not evil.

  • Squirl

    I’ve never forgotten panties before. I have put them on inside out, though. Didn’t notice till I was at work. Hey, 5:30 is pretty early in the morning to be paying attention to that kind of detail.

  • http:// sherman

    Aunt Lola’s pretty funny.

  • Desiree

    You live in a scary state.

  • bethy-mae

    I hope you get well soon. In the mean time to sooth the scratchy windpipe:
    Chamomile tea
    1 shot bourbon of your choice
    spoonful of honey
    squirt of lemon juice
    mix together, drink while hot.
    Repeat as neccesary, however I will not be held resposnible for any abberrant behavior. I was going to post this on your website, but it wouldn’t let me.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Inside out, Squirl? With the Hello Kitty on the INSIDE of the thong?

    Or was that Susie?

    Either way, Hello Kitty just got a surprise.

  • god


    That. Lady. Done. Got. Some. Deep. Eye. Sockets.

    I don’t recall making any. like. that.

    What’s. The. Deal?

  • Pillow Biter

    Peace out, Piss G, B Slammer, Missy F, …. Armstrongs All

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Oh, wait, I know what’s up with the granite fist fuckin’ sister: She’s got one of those damn pointy Toblerone in her cheek!

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    Simmer down, Piss Guzzler. I’ll answer it next week. There’s enough Butt Slammer to go around.

  • Big Gay Sam

    I have nightmares about that face.

  • http://james jp

    actually I met this girl and we were doing belly shots and she was kind enough to bring me home, the next thing I know my husband was standing at the top of the stairs asking what I was doing. I got hot and still don’t know how I got the jeans off over the boots!

  • Nonya

    36. Keely – Get a life

  • lawbrat

    naked, bottom of stairs, cowboy boots. Where was your horse?

  • Chuck Balls

    36. – Keely – Get a life.

  • N2 (Piss Guzzler) (mrtl)

    When I try to laugh without making noise, I sound like Muttley. Peace out Gandhi! I’m hitting the sack.

  • http://james jp

    you best be kidding raz cause if your a wayniac I just spit pepsi out of my nose.

  • Kate

    Hi Dooce. I love your site.

  • Pillow Biter

    My stoner name is Gandhi Ganjamaster. Look me up when y’all get outta here.

  • http://james jp

    riding into the sunset!

  • Sailcat

    *shudder* Just finished reading “Under the Banner of Heaven”….looks like she has a little bit of fundamentalist in her…..looks like she could beat you to death with a rake….

  • Pillow Biter

    I was just wonderin’, where’s Piss G? That’s such a hot gangsta/prisonbitch name.

  • lawbrat

    Thanks Raz.
    jp, that must have been one happy horse

  • A.O.K.

    Jesus H. Christ on a pony! Lola, put on some damn panties!

  • N2 (Piss Guzzler) (mrtl)

    Dr. J. I am officially offended that you did not use my question in the Monday Enema. I would appreciate it if you would at least answer it via email. Otherwise I shall have to smoke some weed, get the munchies, eat beer nuts, 3 Happy Meals (1 cheeseburger and 2 fish), and some deer jerky, take a nap, and then fart in your general direction.

    Butt Slammer indeed.

  • RazDreams

    lawbrat and canadianamy: loving your blogs…really. and jp, as for paul from home makeover…well, wayne newton is on ‘seventh heaven’ hold me back.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Anybody know what the theme is for self-portrait day this week?

    Personally, I’m partial to SPD: Head Job.

    Any takers?

  • Pillow Biter

    You’re thinking of my sister, Nail Biter.

  • http://james jp

    Oh, I plan to start the morning with mimosas and not even know what I am drinking when I pass out. The last time I did that I woke up at the bottom of the stairs naked wearing cowboy boots. I’m thinking I had a good time!

  • troll

    A Big Fat who cares! Seriously, dooce has been pretty lame lately. Boring posts- asinine pictures.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    Pillow biter? Didn’t we date in college?

  • lawbrat

    LOL Thanks jp. He’s my little hellion angel. I need pics of my oldest one. Good reason to buy a digital camera!

  • laurenbove

    Hey susie: I’ve looked it up and apparently people used to think that some folks had the funny smelling pee and some did not (after eating sulfur containing asparagus) come to find out that everyone makes the funny smelling pee after eating, just that some noses cannot detect it.

    Things that make you go “Hmmmmm.”

  • Piss Guzzler

    Hey Pillow Biter! I found a Stoner Name Generator! I shall henceforth be known as Nirvana Nickelbag. You can call me N2 for short.

  • lawbrat

    too funny jp.(the rolling) Its good to still get carded. After THE DAY, it gets better. I promise! Just drink alot, then drink some more. It will be over before you know it.

  • Sarcomical

    wow. poor aunt lola.

    if not wearing underwear is a nightmare, then i’m living a nightmare every. single. day.

    to me, nothing is more of a nightmare than panty-scrunch. except for the actual word “panty”. that is pretty vile.

    thanks for the story! families make great blogging material!

  • coskel

    dr j-f, could you get that soap over there?

  • http://james jp

    Cute hunter lawbrat. To bad there is no pic of the older one, but at least we know who your favorite is! ;)

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Well, I sure hope mrtl isn’t one of those with the pee-smellin’ gene, since she’s “piss guzzler” in prison and all.

    Piss guzzler. Is it daintier to be a Piss Sipper? Personally, I prefer my status as a peetotaller.