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Newsletter: Month Fourteen

Dear Leta, Yesterday you turned 14-months-old. Why didn’t I write this yesterday? We’ve discussed this before, child. When you start wiping my butt, then, THEN you can ask me these questions. Until then I will answer all inquiries with, “Because,” AND YOU WILL ACCEPT IT. About an hour ago you figured out which button on [...]


Ah, Bill: I always go for the Old Hand for one reason: produce. The Old Hand will know the code for kumquats, South African dog chilis and that weird thing I have no idea what it is, but I bought it to throw into the chili for flavor, assuming, of course, it has any flavor. [...]

You can’t take the Hamilton out of the Heather

This weekend I had a bit of a flare up of my righteous indignation. Along with my pointy chin it’s something I inherited from my father. My brother inherited it as well, and after meeting him for the first time Jon said he could only accurately describe him in one word: Blustery. Jon and I [...]

The Mormon Church needs more missionaries who can adequately speak with their hands

Thank you for your interest in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Mr./Mrs. Brown.