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Representing the West Coast, yo

How to Annoy Me

Defile the sacred and holy Oreo by eating it all at once, you insensitive, uncivilized cad. You must first remove one of the crunchy chocolate sides by slowly twisting the cookie in half. Then you lick the virgin white filling until it has been completely removed using your teeth only when necessary and even then [...]

Who you looking at?

We’re in the process of coaxing her into standing up and remaining in a standing position even though she LOATHES it. But, this is progress.

Perils of cohabitation, volume one of many

As Leta gets older she resembles a dog more and more, here pictured with toilet paper that she likes to eat. Yesterday my friend brought over her daughter who is Leta’s age and within 15 seconds upon entering the house she had run into the bathroom and emptied the toilet paper roll of all the [...]

In which I don’t discuss the size of anyone’s pecker

Saturday afternoon after spending hours outside plucking the dandelions out of the yard and flower bed Leta and I rested on the concrete porch sipping soda and shooting the shit. The last part of that sentence was written because I am an alliteration whore. After finishing the soda which was packaged in a lovely glass [...]

Silhouette with hanging clothespin

Point of clarification

Oh dear. It seems as if I have offended The Small Penises. Oh, and The Semi-Constipated: “Some of us who you would consider semi-constipated actually do feel a lot of pain. You don’t have a monopoly on constipation you know.” As for The Small Peniseseses, I never said that the ownership of a small penis [...]

Old fashioned

P.M. Dawn

Today is my best friend’s 30th birthday. Her name is Dawn Clayton and I’ve known her since middle school, but we didn’t become friends until our Junior year in high school after several years of hating each other with a passion that burns only so heatedly in the pubescent hearts of 14-year-old girls suffering PMS. [...]

Happy Birthday, Dawn