• milkmaid

    I am SO putting my flip flops in the dishwasher.

    Today.

    So…can you kill two dogs with one cycle and put Chuck in the dishwasher WITH the dishes?

  • http://verbalicon.blogspot.com verbalicon

    Jackie the miraculous maltese wants to move in with you now! He never gets the lasagna pan at my house (because he’ll turn it to be on top of him, and we’d be spitting lasagna all over the place at the moving pan with reddish-white legs sticking out) and is now pulling ME in front of the PETA folks.

    See what you’ve done? :-)

  • http://lifeisgoodatthebeach.blogspot.com/ BeachMama

    Definately one of the reasons we don’t give our dogs dishes to lick. I used to trip over plates at my girlfriends and swore I wouldn’t do it at home. But alas, they still pick up and drop their bowls right where you are going to step so once in a while we are still tripping over a dish.

    I think you were completely justified with your ‘freak out’. It sure made me stop and think for a minute, pull out the sunscreen, lather up, double check all my moles, and book an appointment with my Dr just so he can check my skin and make sure there isn’t anything to worry about. I was definately a baby oil girl when I was younger. Thank you for sharing your ‘freak out’ with us.

  • Trinity

    Maybe I’m of the crude-er class of humour, but I just think it’s HILARIOUS to watch the dog lick the plate from one end of the house to the other. My very much smaller doggie will literally steal my hubbie’s beer can and then we’ll hear this *lick lick lick* sound from under the old armchair…and she’s knocked over the beercan and is licking herself into doggie-oblivion! but it’s all very much a “secret!” until we lift the little flap to the bottom of the chair and she gives us The Look…like we didn’t know she was a dogaholic.

  • Cassie

    Hon thank you for making me smile after a very rough couple of days.

    Our cats love the dishes… bowls, in particular, whenever they hear/see you with a bowl they’ll sit there and glare (on good days) or try to climb in the food (on bad days) until you’re done and they can lick whatever happens to be left.

    It doesn’t hurt anybody (long as you can get them to let you eat in peace), the dishwasher sterilizes, and all is well. And hopefully you have a laugh in the process.

    Animals are wonderful for stress relief :-)

  • Mary Dawn

    does he do laundry and windows too?

  • ginnie

    My dog has learned to hold the plate/pan still by stepping in it – depending on what was in the pan, some interesting footprints can result. Or, you could throw a handtowel on the floor to stablize the container – kind of like the trick to keep your cutting board from moving.

    I have a similar skin cancer lesion removed several years ago – I was sooo cool about it, until they started the out patient office procedure, then I totally stressed out. But this is typically a non-malignant lesion, so take a few deep breaths, your non-maligant readers hope this will all be OK (it will, trust me…).

    Happy licking to Chuck.

  • http://blairnecessities.blogspot.com/ mdstblz

    I want to come back at Chuck in my next life… Yeah, that is nirvana.

  • Wine Lady

    I just have to comment on the ignorance of people getting whacked out when animals eat off of dishes. Do they not know what soap and water is for? Have they ever looked around a restauant and observed the wide variety of sometimes rather unsavory people that are eating off of dishes they may just be eating off of next? Fools.

  • http://table4five.wordpress.com Elizabeth

    “YOU try licking hardened melted cheese off a surface without using your hands and see which room you end up in.” BWAHAhahaha!

    It’s our dog’s job to come in the kitchen after we finish dinner and lick all the spilled food off the floor under the table. Saves me having to actually sweep under there.

    Next Thursday, as I’m on a plane for BlogHer, my Father-in-law is having surgery to remove cancerous nodules from his lung. I called him and told him I wouldn’t go, but he said “it’s no big deal, you should go and have fun”. Well, I’m going, but I don’t know about the fun. I’m sorry that there are insensitive assholes in the world who feel the need to belittle other people. I hope the cancer on your arm turns out to be “no big deal”. You have my support.

  • http://onenjenifer.blogspot.com Jen

    I heart Chuck.

  • monkeyaker

    Wait- I don’t get it. What’s so wrong with letting your dog lick your plates? Why is that wrong? Should I also stop letting them lick whipped cream off my body as well? How about honey? And should I stop putting dirty underwear in the dishwasher too? Now I’m all confused…

    And Heather, don’t let anyone e*v*e*r put you down for not having enough cancer. Any cancer is cancer enough.

    We love you!!

  • http://thesuperbongo.blogspot.com/ thesuperbongo

    Just because you don’t witness it, doesn’t mean that your pets (or children) aren’t doing it. Sage words for the angry, irrational posters to your site.

    Several years ago, the main squeeze would leave the toothbrush on the bathroom counter. One morning, I watched one of our cats pat it, lick his paw, and then go to town licking all that yummy, minty goodness off the toothbrush. Of course, I did nothing to stop it. I was too busy laughing. I did, however, go that very day and purchase a NEW toothbrush and toothbrush holder to keep this one away from kitty mouth.

    I also, allowed the dog to thoroughly lick the Main Squeeze’s coke glass the other day — but did suggest replacing it before having another drink.

    We have a cat who loves nothing more than having sex with soft, squishy objects — like yarn, stuffed animals, or the main squeeze’s pillow. That one, I don’t share with MS because I don’t want to wash that many pillow cases each week.

    But, the point is, all critters – human and non-human have habits we’d rather not know about, and certainly not share the after effects.

  • Nat W.

    I find it’s easiest to really lick a plate clean when I push it up against a wall…

  • http://lifesgarbage.com Rebecca

    I learned the other day that I have a heart murmer. It’s not serious, but I think it’s okay to tell people about it.

    Skin cancer would scare me, too. I think it’s okay for your to talk about it. Any foreign thing on your body isn’t good. Hopefully you can get it taken care of soon enough, and then you won’t have to at least SEE it again.

    And like somebody said long before me, I very much envy your floor.

  • http://www.jrschutzy.typepad.com Jennifer Schutz

    Wait, doesn’t everyone let their pets lick the dinner dishes around the house?

    And you put yours in the dishwasher afterwards?

  • http://truthsandhalftruths.typepad.com Nils Ling

    I was sorry to hear about Chuck losing his limbs from scurvy. I don’t think it’s nice that people laugh at him for licking his plateful of shitty clogs across the floor. The poor little guy has no front legs. Have a heart, people.

    Happy Birthday, Heather. I hope you feel like Queen for a day …

    … of FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ortizzle

    KATE F.:

    Geez, I totally misinterpreted your brilliant satire. I must have been the only reader who misunderstood your crisp, clear logic. Shame on me.

    I decided to lighten up and read some more of your brilliant writing on your “Kate the Great” website. Stunning material. Keep it up. And please accept my sincere apologies. I will just never be able to appreciate satire, so it’s good to have a model who can point out the finer nuances of the craft.

    I would ask you, please, to be patient with us dunderheads who don’t get it. Perhaps the reader you told to remove her head from her butt did not appreciate the jokey satirical air of that comment.

    OK. End of dispute. Friends?

  • Sajhill

    I am reminded of Dave Barry’s book “Big Trouble” which has The Best descriptions of a dog’s pursuit of every last atom of food. It’s very funny. The whole book is funny. (now you funny too)

  • http://leesa51501.blogspot.com Lisa

    Yes, I can see how dog saliva would permanently damage your plates (not). Maybe you should toss them out rather than washing them.

    Cancer is not a fun thing to hear in relation to your body. Luckily it was easily removable and hasn’t spread. Good news!

  • libby

    Been reading for 3 years and this is the post that gets me to comment. Ha.

    I hate to wash dishes more than anything in the world. Thank goodness my dog sits and waits patiently and licks practically every dish we have before it goes in the dishwasher. Why waste all that time washing your dishes before you wash them – get a dog! It’s just good sense.

    Now, if I could only get her to lick the stuff she doesnt like (like ketchup) I would never have to rinse anything again before it goes in the dishwasher.

    (and as I am writing this I absent mindedly hand over my sandwich plate for her to tackle the crumbs…)

    On another topic – I am on a plane last week heading home and I look up – who is on the ABC news segment shown on Delta airlines – Heather, Leta and John. I let out a little gasp and think I scared my seatmate. Great, sweet segment.

  • HDC

    Really, you’re just doing your part for the environment. Think of all the water that Chuck saves by helping you avoid scrubbing dishes to get off that baked on cheese.

    Oh and to the oversensitive dolts complaining about how dirty this is remember that a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s.

    I betcha Martha Stewart lets her dogs do the same thing behind closed doors. She probably pees in the shower too.

  • http://www.mysterymommy.blogspot.com mystery mommy

    All my best wishes for good health.

    If laughter is the best medicine, your prognosis is very, very good.

  • Sillicita

    I try not to let Jasper (my Springer Spaniel) eat too much ‘people food’, but to me, licking a plate doesn’t count. He’s always on amber alert for a plate on the floor when mom’s done eating. Bonus for him is chinese night. You ever see a dog with an empty lo mein container lodged on his snout? Comedy gold, baby.

    Keeping you in my thoughts, Heather. Viva la Dooce!

  • SisterPepperSpray

    My family has a running joke for when our cats and dogs have left plates spotless: “We don’t even have to put it in the dishwasher!”

    Someone once came to my house, heard that, and believed it. The sad part is the person I speak of is a distant relative. She also took offense at my cat biting the muffins. Bah.

    Chuck rocks! Chuck gave me hope that my dog would grow up to be cool. So far she has, when she isn’t plotting to kill us.

  • http://jaycee.typepad.com/semantics/ Jaycee

    My dog also use to eat my son’s shit if some escaped while he was nappy free, or eat it off the lawn if I had to hose a sloppy nappy down outside. But I draw the line at her licking our plates. Eeeeooooowwwwwwuuuuuu!!!!!

  • http://freeforawhile.blogspot.com SJ

    YOU ARE HILARIOUS!! Your posts make me laugh out loud all the time and I genuinely appreciate your sense of humor. And just for the record, letting your dog lick the plates before they go in the dishwasher is about as normal as it gets. Although, our dog has learned to push the plate into the corner of the kitchen and use the edges of the cabinets as leverage to really get those plates spotless. Keep it up, Dooce. You set a good example for the rest of us bloggers.

  • Bo

    I’ll happily come and vacuum your floors if I can spend an hour afterwards watching Chuck lick plates, Leta grin, and listen to you.

    I share some of your battles, and you inspire me.

    Tip of the day: rub a steak all over the damned clogs and give them to Chuck. Problem solved :D .

  • http://www.daily-dogen.com Dogen’s Mom

    My dog just puts his paw on the plate to hold it still, but he’s lazy.

  • http://www.laughitupfuzzball.com Tracy aka Fuzzball

    Emma (http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuzzball/sets/347703/) does the exact same thing with plates and usually ends up trapping herself under my parrot’s cage while he yells at her. Ahhhh my crazy menagerie.

    P.S. I loved hearing Leta sing/talk in the background. A-DOR-able!!

  • http://www.macwebguru.com doog

    That’s hilarious… the dissolves to show elapsed time really underline how long he was doing it – superb! Chuck’s gonna make some lady doggie REEEEL happy one day.

  • http://dicentra.diaryland.com alina m.

    Ok the video of Chuck = hilarious! More fun than the actual video, though, is the sound of you two cracking up in the background.
    As far as idiot emailers is concerned, I just don’t understand who these people are with so much time on their hands and such ‘perfect’ lives. Cancer is scary, and I’m sending lots of good vibes your way, and that and washing clogs in the dishwasher is something these people need to just let go already.

  • fernicus

    Watching Chuck awakened my urge to get another dog. He seems like such a great boy! I miss our big goofy great dane. Being to lazy to chase the food around, he’d place his giant paw on or in whatever item harbored any food remnants. It took us a while to figure out where the strange stains on the carpet were coming from and why the dog was licking them.

    On another note, I actually took the time to read through the comments today. Wow! Lots of bickering going on out there. Seriously people, do you really have that much time on your hands? If so, argue with your family and friends. It’s much more fun in person.

  • sam

    New York celebrity chef and restaurateur Mario Batali told Departures magazine this month that he owns 30 pairs. All in orange. He confessed that he washes them in his dishwasher, then puts them on while they’re still warm, which brings new meaning to both “wash and wear” and “hot foot.”

    the source is from usatoday.com in the life section, thought you may find this amusing. Your husband isn’t the only one washing his Croc’s in the dishwasher!!!

  • Mitzi

    Oh Heather, why didn’t Jon just put the friggin’ clogs in the washing machine instead of the dishwasher and save you a lot of grief? Ha. Ha.

    Thanks for the laugh today. I couldn’t let a dog lick my plate but that’s just me. I can certainly see the humor in you doing it. Thanks for sharing.

    See people of the internet world – you don’t have to AGREE with everything she says or does, just take it or leave it – and hell, have a laugh or two.

  • http://justlinda.net JustLinda

    I’m sneaking in here to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    When I grow up, I’m going to be 31. (Mostly because this 41 business is for the birds!)

    Well, I hope the cake is delicious and Chuck truly enjoys licking the plate clean. (As a side note, I’m quite sure that eating crumbs off the floor is, in itself, enough reason to own a dog… our dog parks herself under the high chair for every meal. My chair is her second favorite but I’m trying not to take that too personally.)

  • http://truthsandhalftruths.typepad.com Nils Ling

    Good morning and Happy Birthday, Heather. People you don’t know are sending you good thoughts and wishes today. I would think that would feel odd, if one sat around and thought about it. But a good odd, I suppose.

    Now …

    Would the people who are so keen to take Kate to task for her comment mind terribly much doing it through e-mail? First, I think most people read Kate’s comment as sarcasm – whether you believe it was well-executed or not is a personal taste issue. And b., Heather knows everybody here has her back, so injecting unpleasantness – even in defense of Heather – is uneccessary. Thirdly – this is a happy place. Let’s keep it that way.

  • Sasha

    What Cancer Can’t Do
    - Author unknown

    Cancer is so limited.
    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot eat away peace.
    It cannot destroy confidence.
    It cannot shut out memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot quench the spirit.

    Keep in there. We’re all behind you.

    xo. Sasha

  • RzDrms

    ~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY!~~~ ::doin’ a little shimmy-shimmy dance for ya:: and your face in your nekkid baby pic from today looks JUST like leta’s face! NOW i see the heather in her! :)

  • http://mainelymadge.typepad.com madge

    I love when people try to make witty, yet disparaging comments and completely muck up the grammar. Oh, how it makes me laugh.

    H! A! P! P! Y! B! I! R! T! H! D! A! Y! (Since you love those exlamation points, I thought I’d give you a few extra for the big day…)

  • arline

    Kate:
    There is absolutely nothing about your post that suggests humor or wit of any kind! (See your post below.) I think you were just saying that to try and save face.
    How dare you measure anyone elses pain? Everyone in this life has crosses to bear; some are very visible and others are not.
    As far as the rest of us lightening up, well maybe through this website we have come to truly care about Heather, Jon, Leta and Chuck — did that ever occur to you? Heather provides a very welcome relief from our own lives. I eagerly await each new entry; I’m quite certain no one says that about your website! (Sorry Heather it deserved an exclamation.) And speaking of which, one would presume (erroneously of course) that if one had their own website they might be less likely to post something such as you did. Perhaps you should consider how you would feel about receiving a similar post to your own site.

    “You know, I was thinking of writing to you and telling you that your cancer is stupid and I could kick its ass. There are people RIGHT NOW whose cancer is, like, 100 times the size of yours and these people also have scurvy and are on fire, and you’re whining about some itty bitty widdle cancer? On your arm? Plenty of people live without arms! Me, I have no limbs whatsoever and you will NEVER HEAR ME COMPLAIN.”

  • http://www.kerrianne.org kerri

    Happy! birthday H to the eather! : )

    Here’s to hoping your day is filled with copious amounts of cake. Also: sweet vest.

  • Berecca

    Hee hee hee, hilarious puppy! Go Chuck Go! I love pets, they brighten your day don’t they?! :)

  • HenrykM

    Sorry, but dogs [lickers of their own genitals, the ocassional anal orifice ] eat from their own bowls..NOT any thing used by humans. It is as gross as people who kiss their dogs! Grossssssss

  • Dew

    Happy birthday Heather. Get well soon.

    Jane: Funny comment, really enjoyed your humour.

    Kate: Get a grip.

  • Loob

    But they also lick their privates! :D

  • http://www.amerideutsch.com Elle

    From my drowsy, bored position in a bus window seat I once witnessed a man on the sidewalk pick up his dog, cradle it in his arms and let it lick his face. Vigorously. “How sweet!” dog lovers might say, but the scene quickly began the downhill race into creepy when it proceeded to his neck, ears, and the uncovered skin in the vee-neck of his t-shirt.

    The bus paused to pick up passengers, some people were paying for tickets at the front and we stood for approximately five minutes. All the while I’m staring dumbfounded at this guy engaging in foreplay with his animal, which by that time had progressed to licking out the inside of his mouth.

    As the bus began to pull away and he was slipping out of view – thank God because I was trapped in that weird can’t-look-away catatonia which happens when a sight is especially traumatic – I was turned 180 degrees in my seat and swearing to myself if he put the dog down, unbuckled his belt and began to kneel I was exiting this bus and taking pictures.

    Compared to that little performance I’d say you’re pretty conservative. Rock on.

    ~Lisa, small town in Germany where the streets have a name but it isn’t anything you’d want to repeat in front of your children

  • Loob

    Heather, my husband nearly threw up his cereal when I told him about Jon’s clogs in the dishwasher. :D

  • http://spantalones.com Sarah

    Well, I thought I was rather gracious to allow you to talk about your health on your blog. It was the least I could do. Now, continue dancing for me, puppet.

  • http://food-and-family.blogspot.com/ Kit

    Hi there, I’ve just discovered your blog and this hot debate. I don’t know if any of your other readers have mentioned that dog lick is actually antiseptic, which is why they lick their wounds to help them heal…I hope this helps with the washing up status. I let my dogs lick out the pots too, great for loosening baked on crusty bits! They do get washed up again by me though.