• http://www.busymakingotherplans.wordpress.com Mandy

    I don’t think you’re required to acknowledge any comments/emails from anyone who can’t properly spell or tell the difference between you’re and your (or it’s and its). It’s a general rule I’ve acquired and would be happy to share it with you.

  • Tracey

    Wow – people are harsh – those comments are horrible. I’ll never understand why they just DON’T READ if they don’t like!!!! Definitely love the idea of the relay operator being so spirited.

  • Funky Kim

    Where do I apply?

    But I’d have to change one thing. Instead of going out for a beer afterwards, I prefer to go to the Tavernacle for a peartini. They’re divine!

  • m

    That’s awesome! I think that woman deserves a beer for her dedication to job performance.

  • http://d2dmad.blogspot.com/ Dani

    Well now that’s a novel approach. I just got my very first angry comment on my blog today. At first I laughed because this person was clearly a kook but now it’s getting me down.

    I realy admire you for putting up with this stuff and at least atempting to laugh at it. It takes courage to keep putting your self out there.

    The internet loves you just ignore the kooks.

  • http://taycesspace.com Amanda

    To where shall I submit my resume??

  • http://mrssoup.wordpress.com Mrs Soup

    Brilliant!! I would apply in a HEARTBEAT! What a great job that would be!

  • LeeTwinMom

    Heather you ROCK! Love the real hate mail snippets…is it real? I can’t believe someone would take the time to write all that negative sentiment. Why bother? I don’t write to Howard Stern because I don’t listen to him! I filter out stuff I “hate”. Just remember Heather it’s a vocal MINORITY who hate on you – most of us love you and are grateful for the way we can relate to you. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

  • http://www.alexawesome.com Alex Awesome

    I find it hilarious that people tell you to get a real job, or that you were fired for x. I know it’s cliche to say they’re just jealous, but that is the ONLY explanation. Who the hell wouldn’t want to be able to look back at their miserable office job and go, “yeah, who’s laughing now, fuckers?” Especially now that you’re making way more, can support your family, stay at home with your husband and kid, travel, write a book, and take silly pictures of your dogs. That is a CHARMED LIFE. I can sort of see why they might be bitter and angry and try to bring you back down. I can also see how you would find their ineffective flailing to be totally, totally hilarious.

    Just have Jon field your hate mail with a classic Ghostbuster’s quote: “You are like the buzzing of flies to Heather.” If he can do it with an accent through email, that’s even better.

  • Too Tracy

    “do you know how hard it is to get anywhere on time when you live with a man who must pat down every pocket in his wardrobe to locate his wallet and keys?”

    …add in: every drawer, cabinet and furniture cushion and then yes, I can totally relate. AND…he’s not even driving, I am. I’m just the asshole sitting in the car with 3 kids strapped in honking the horn.

    Love your blog!

  • Bodnoirbabe

    Screw the self-righteous assholes. I want to be like you when I have children!

  • http://www.ajandmac.blogspot.com AJ

    Heather – You’re an amazingly kick-ass mother. The person who said the government should “regulate” who has children was probably “TEA-BAGGING” somewhere yesterday for less government involvement. . .

    ..just sayin’.

  • meowsk

    Best job ever. Where do I apply? I think my skills could finally be put to use.

  • http://primaeimpressionis.blogspot.com/ EJH

    I love love love your blog. It’s honest, funny, real, introspective, etc. I haven’t ever commented before, but your reflections make me want to be a wife and a mother someday.

    By extension, I love you and your family, so if Leta needs a college recommendation or something, consider it done. She’s one of my favorite kids ever :)

    (I’m hoping this doesn’t sound creepy… all I’m trying to convey is “Keep it up” :) )

  • http://incompl-te.blogspot.com Penny

    For every hate piece of email you get regarding the mormon smell thing, I think there will be at least 10 of us who secretly love it. More casserole analogies, please.

  • http://jbjohnsen.blogspot.com josh

    You DO read the comments! As a devout Mormon, I love reading your blog daily. My wife is a little purturbed that I do, and even link to it on our blog, but I love a little irreverence once in a while. I have a hard time not envisioning that hate mail coming from my Mormon brothers and sisters. Allow me to apologize for them. People are afraid of apostates and nonMormons.

  • http://www.searchingfortheyeti.com Yeti

    Brilliant.
    And I love beer.
    I also suggest you make sure they have a midwest or southern accent.

  • sara

    I love a good relay operator. :) Most are lousy. From the deaf standpoint, a good one injects emotion into the text, too. From saying [sounds angry] to [christmas carols playing in the background] to [little girl yelling something about a crazy dog eating a cheerio she dropped on the floor] it’s awesome.

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    Clarification: the disgruntled caller was the relay operator, right?

    Also, to your one hate mailer: Do you have any idea how expensive it would be to buy bored.com?!

  • http://www.grumpyoldeafies.com Alison

    @303 The Scarlett – as I said in my comment, I’ve already asked to a deafening silence. Same goes for other videos on this blog (and elsewhere too). Somewhere in the comment archives of this blog, you will find comments from me to this effect. Besides, its not a transcript I’m after but subtitles / captions.

    In any case, I and every other deaf people should not need to constantly need to flag accessibility (I would like a life too). Hearing people do not spend their lives requesting sound for every single video.

    Captioning – especially for commercial websites – should be a basic tenant of web accessibility, in the same way as W3C standards are adhered to.

    In my original comment I said understood Heather’s writing style was based on exaggeration (that is what has kept me reading for 5+ years, which she has to be congratulated for). However, this post sits as uncomfortable, especially given deaf people don’t have full access to this website. :-/

  • http://beckycochrane.livejournal.com Becky

    For a minute there I was excited that you were going to employ one of these hateful e-mailers. You already know they’re qualified, and they must be unemployed to have time to read and write someone they hold in such contempt. A win for the economy!

    Then I got to that last part and realized with disappointment that none of your hate-mailers are qualified after all. A hug and a laugh would be beyond them.

  • http://www.ohthatissogay.com Jennifer

    I just read this post outloud to my officemates… we laughed so hard one girl almost peed her pants.

    I had to take an relay call once when I worked for 1800flowers.com. The customer was angry and the words were angry words but they were spoken in a monotone voice as you described. It was like a scene from the Far Side.

    You rock,

    jennifer

  • http://rollerskateskinny.blogspot.com/ asia

    The reason the relay operator was so much more emotive was because she was a video relay interpreter, not a TTY typist.

    I am a sign language interpreter myself and I work for a video relay center placing exactly the kinds of calls you witnessed… and so much more! I can do phone sex, break-ups or proposals. I can break the news that your loved one has cancer and/or just died, is in jail, or is begging for your forgiveness. I can argue with bill collectors, demand compensation, call 911, make/break appointments or negotiate a drug deal… provided, of course, that what I say is what you intended be said.

    If you want your hate mail read with that kind of venom I think I could find it in me, even if it isn’t exactly interpreting. Plus, we could compare baby bumps. Awesome!

  • Anonymous

    I “spoke” with someone once that was using a relay service. After the service had properly relayed the information they were supposed to and informed me that the person using the service had ended the call, I politely asked the converasation bridge how his day was going and if he enjoyed conversing for others. His reply:

    “I am not allowed to discuss personal aspects of my life.”

    Glad I didn’t ask if he was wearing boxers or briefs.

  • http://www.starvingartistink.com erin

    Oh yes, and she needs to be able to fill in the different dialects and accents too!

  • http://www.parsingnonsense.com Parsing Nonsense

    That is a pretty stunning level of commitment to one’s job. It would be even better if they did it using ASL. I reckon someone would lose an eye and/or a hand that way. It would be the most furious silence ever.

  • http://www.simpsonsmells.blogspot.com Holland

    I will definitely be able to help you out with that as I too worked in the customer service department of a large company which shall remain nameless. Let’s just say large equipment was involved.

    Now, I can yell at you in a Tennessee accent if you like (GO VOLS!) or Texan. I am about to move to Atlanta so I can work on the sweet Southern Belle thing too. Your call.

    Yelling in any accent but a Southern one just won’t suffice. Curse words just don’t come across the same when there isn’t a drawl to it.

  • http://emmysuh.rachieann.com emmysuh

    I still think it’s CRAZY that you get such insane hatemail! Everyone I know adores you, and I personally think you’re a fantastic writer who is a good mom but you still manages to be yourself, which is witty, and smart, and sometimes cynical. I hate reading those mean comments because I think you are awesome. I’m glad that you are above and beyond it all to think they’re funny.

  • http://www.highlandscotherns.blogspot.com Kaylyn

    Pick me! Pick me!

  • Elizabeth

    I worked as a Relay CA for almost 3 years. Ah, the stories I could tell… When I interviewed for the job, besides the typing test, I had to take a profanity test. I passed with flying colors.

  • http://www.52donuts.com Johnna

    Would 7 1/2 years of previous relay operator experience give me any advantage? And yeah, the conversations one hears at that job are interesting. Who calls 900#s at 7 a.m. anyway?

  • http://www.therestofmylifesofar.net Mishi

    A relay officer? That’s crazy! I feel so bad for that poor receptionist. I’ve definitely been in her shoes. I can’t imagine how you resisted reacting – overhearing conversations on speaker always makes me want to laugh. A lot.

  • http://nrcourtney.blogspot.com Nicole

    I don’t want the job, but remember last week when you Tweeted about that AOL article and the emails you were getting?
    Can you please post more of those?

    Thanks a bunch!

  • Katie

    If I can’t read the letters myself, I suggest you film yourself reading them with all the emotion you can muster.

    Also? Thank GOD you have some clothes on the floor somewhere–otherwise your house makes me want to take explosives to mine.

  • http://jedsmommy.blogspot.com Becca

    OMG Heather, THANK YOU! I just laughed my butt off. I was reading along, wondering why a person who is obviously not deaf cares about captions so passionately and then you said it was a relay operator and I laughed so hard I snorted!

    I’ll apply for the position of weekly harassment if you’ll fly me from Alaska…or maybe we could do it over Skype and just have Chuck lick your face for the spitting part???

  • http://www.SomethingOnYourFace.com Sharon Reynolds

    I really don’t get why people leave you those negative comments. I mean, sure you’re a whore–just kidding. I really don’t get it. It’s a funny website about the life of a real mom.

    I know when I have kids, I’m not going to automatically grow a halo, some wings and a british accent. I don’t plan on losing my personality and becoming a nun (unless it’s a really funny nun–cause some of them crack my shit up!) just because a little human escaped from between my legs.

    Showing that you’re real, that you have faults, and that some of those faults make you pretty awesome is a great way to build a child’s confidence and to teach them the importance of being themselves.

    Not that you have faults–uhhh (so nervous)…

    Point: Mom’s have personality too.

    P.S. My captcha words to type are “Narva Squirted”. I don’t know what that means, just that I’m grossed out.

    END SCENE

  • http://sundancemoods.com Rena

    That is hilarious!

  • Betsy

    My favorite post of all time. Thank you (for the laughs and everything else)!

  • http://maryannag.blogspot.com Mary Anna

    Please ensure he/she tells you how things are spelled. To me, that’s a large part of the joy of hate mail.

    I used to love getting passed the “difficult” callers. My favorite response is always “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I use that one in just about any situation! My friend was verbally assaulted by a former coworker’s husband at the grocery store one day. When he finished, she replied, “I’m sorry you feel that way” then walked off. It would have been better, though, had she misspelled something.

  • Sara Roo

    I can’t believe people actually say things like that to you… what else I cannot believe is that PEOPLE STILL DO NOT KNOW WHEN TO USE YOUR versus YOU’RE…

    that one insult “Your nothing but a dirty piece of whiny drivel.” What a cliffhanger! Your nothing dot dot dot YOUR NOTHING WHAT?!?!? Say it!!! sheesh.

    Oh and I think you’re great, I love you. :O)

  • http://angelaraew.wordpress.com Angela

    Hilarious!
    I too live with a husband who must pat down his pants, jackets and perform the flight of the bumblebee in order to locate his keys, wallet and cell phone each and every time we leave the house.

    While arguing with the relay operator, did she say “over” each and every time? I remember a relay operator getting upset with me when I forgot to say “over” when I was done telling them, “No sir, I will not shove your satellite dish up my ass. And no, we will not turn your satellite service on until you pay your outstanding bill…….oh….ah…..Over.”

  • MarkR

    Im with you. Fuck the mormons. I hate them as much as you do.

  • Rini

    Holy Shit. That made me chortle.

    I think I’m in lust with you.

    And I don’t even swing that way.

    Keep kickin’ ass, Heather. Let them haters keep on hatin’.

  • CarlyK

    Hey Heather- I know i’m like the zillionth person to comment, which is why I usually resist the urge to do so when I read your blog because I figure you won’t get around to reading it anyway, but screw all that hate mail. I don’t understand if someone doesn’t like you why they would not only take the time to read your blog, but then write you a letter, waste their money and saliva to put it in envelope and stamp it, and then send it to you.
    Anyway, regardless, I love your blog. I love you. I love your honesty. I’m not a mother yet, I’m still in college, but you’ve made me feel a lot better about becoming one if I ever do. And you give me a good laugh every once in a while when I’m at work where I intern and everyone is getting laid off and it’s very depressing. Wish I could start such a successful blog!

  • squandra

    I’m a local TV news producer, and oh, God, it is EXACTLY like that. “Ma’am, I’m afraid I have never met Charles Gibson.” Every day. And you can’t hang up.

    I’ve never likened answering the news hotline to fielding Web comments, but yep, there it is. They both attract the dumb and the crazy.

  • http://lacylike.blogspot.com Lacy

    OMG- I forget how awful people can be. I wonder why they even read if they are just going to say ugly things? WOW- WOW- that is just not ok! I appreciate your candid honesty in all matters, carry on!

  • http://orangetangerine.blogspot.com Orange

    You need to hire the guy who reads that angry teenager’s breakup letter aloud on YouTube. Just Google “dramatic reading of a break-up letter” and you’ll find it.

    You might also have someone use Simpsons voices to read your hate mail. Sanctimony is much more pleasant in Comic Book Guy’s voice.

  • http://theseatedview.blogspot.com/ Lene

    I’m app;ying. After the week I’ve had, it’d be therapeutic, cathartic, all that good stuff. Especially fond of “a dirty piece of whiny drivel”. And the hugging it out, beer and laughing would be a decided perk.

  • tanya kristine

    yeah…my dog used to have that VERY same look when his father and i fought.

    awww….

  • http://www.livefromthefence.blogspot.com Kami Lewis Levin

    I know this is beside the point, but I can’t help wondering why the receptionist took the call on speakerphone. I mean, is there truly no peace? What about waiting room etiquette?