• Aunt Tasty

    You ABSOLUTELY just figured out how to fix the Internets. That’s impressive, Dooce!

  • http://kitkat4real.blogspot.com Solo Dot Mom

    This is great. Your hate mail is better than a 1980′s sitcom and your sense of humor in sharing it tops the charts.

    It goes without saying you are loved, and your blog is a must read on many people’s lists.

    Thanks again for your humorous banter… If only I could bring that much entertainment to my readers.

  • http://www.offschedule.blogspot.com Lara

    You know, I just don’t get it. If people don’t like what they read here, then isn’t the simplest solution just to NOT
    READ IT? Why read it, get all annoyed, then waste energy writing hate mail? Of course, I say this knowing that I agree with 99.8% of your opinions, I’m not Mormon, and I find you quite entertaining. Maybe I’m biased.

  • http://www.wrathofdawn.blogspot.com Dawn

    You got fired for being a stupid whore?

    I have totally misconstrued the mandate of your previous employer.

  • Anonymous

    Heather..you are my hero! Those idiotic people that keep sending you hate e-mails should be very afraid of your superpowers…. Go on with your bad self girl!

  • LeAnn

    I LOVE your website!!! I have a VERY stressful job and at least once a day, I get cussed by a veteran that desperately needs an increase on their medication, so I get online, just to chill for a sec, and read your daily post. They ALWAYS make me smile!!! I, too, am a mommy and I can SO relate to the things your daughter has to say and do. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face and making me just CHILLAX for a few!!!

  • http://megsreno.blogspot.com/ meg

    I’m really good at spitting, just ask my kids. There…I just spit while screaming at them.

  • Nathan

    I feel compelled to point you to one of my favorite webcomics, XKCD: http://xkcd.com/481/

  • Bailey

    I am always appalled at how rude some people are to you. It just seems so incredibly ridiculous and I don’t know how you stand it. Maybe things would be different if they had to send a picture ID along with that nasty comment. Or maybe not; an asshole will be an asshole no matter what.

    I look forward to reading your blog every day because it always makes me happy; thanks for that!

  • Katie in TX

    Just wanted to let you know that I bought your book and I can hardly get through each page for laughing so hard. Good job!

  • BouRboNiSta.

    I just wanted to say that I happened to be watching the interview on the said CBS affiliate station and I about fell off the couch laughing when you mentioned to Debbie Worthen (I believe that was who you interviewed with) that you considered yourself a recovering Mormon living amidst the Mormons. What followed was something I consider to be an awkward silence that was heard from my living room to the top of the statue of Moroni.

    Kudos to you for speaking your truth while living in the land of Zion.

  • Erin

    I love reading your blog but when oh when are you going to stop dedicating posts to your hate mail? We don’t want to read it either. Set up a spam filter and be done with it.

  • Susan

    Ooo! Hire me! Just don’t make me wear clogs :)

  • SusannahS

    We recently had an incident outside of Little Rock (AR) where an at-home child care operator somehow confused antifreeze with Kool Aid (yeah, I know, right?) and served antifreeze to the kids. Fortunately the kids didn’t ingest much and were rushed to the hospital for tests…but after the incident made the news and newspapers, the babysitter received threatening phone calls including one thru a RELAY OPERATOR. Seriously?? Does the relay operator have a civic duty to report terroristic threatening?! I know it shouldn’t be funny but it kinda is.
    I don’t think this relay operator really emoted though.

  • kate

    Heather- I have been reading your site for going on 4 years now. And I think that you are amazing. And funny. And well spoken. And a terrific mom.
    Hatemailers be damned.

    What I have yet to understand is if you cannot stand what you are reading, then WHY ARE YOU HERE?

    That little x in the red box on the top right of your screen, click it.


  • Maria

    My husband does the pat down with every jacket, pair of pants, etc. Glad to know I’m not the only one waiting while the hubby has to find keys or a wallet EVERYTIME we go somehwere.

  • http://www.repliderium.com repliderium.com

    HALLAFUCKINGLUYA!!! (Wait- does “fix the internet” mean that all of the stupid people are banned now?)
    Oh how I wish.
    ps- my captcha for this comment is “stump man” and for whatever ridiculous reason this strikes me as dirty and funny as hell.

  • http://hanasueng.blogspot.com Hanasu

    Heeeey!!! Pick ME! I would perform like a BI-OTCH!!! Hehehe…

  • http://audentesfortunasjuvat.wordpress.com Sasha

    I used to be a relay operator. The ones like the girl you got to listen to? We got the raises. :)

  • http://greatdayinmaine.blogspot.com Leesavee

    I would like to nominate my husband’s grandmother for the position. She’s 84 and takes no sh*t from anyone. Not to mention that she’s hilarious and has a deceptively filthy sense of humor. Grammie would ROCK the job!

  • http://www.blogobeth.com Beth

    First of all, if I’m going to take time out of my day to write hate mail it is going to be something far more important than a blog post. Like ‘hey Cheesecake Factory, your lemonade made my son throw up in the mall’. You know, something like that.

    Secondly, I’ve always admired your ability to handle hate mail and I hope when I finally get important enough that people actually hate me that I will handle it as gracefully.( I doubt that will happen if I keep writing in run-on sentences).

    Thirdly, I think you should get World’s Best Avon Lady to read your hate mail. It could provide for some important maternal bonding. Or, let Chuck eat them and shit ‘em out later.

    Still loving your blog after four years of reading it.

  • http://www.calamitygal.blogspot.com Callie

    That is a bloody brilliant idea. I think you should have a couple of people to do it, as one person spewing such bile is bound to get a tummy-ache.

    Then, after the hugs, rather than a beer, I suggest shots. Once you’re able to, naturally.

  • Lauren

    Every time you post about hate mail it shocks me. I can not believe that people would write things like that. The fact that you can turn it around and make something funny just proves how amazing you are.

    Don’t let the haters get you down!

  • http://www.chaos4jp.blogspot.com JP

    I am always so offended by the the lack of care people put in their hate mail/comments. Do they proof-read nothing?

    At the very least they could learn the difference between YOUR and YOU’RE. Seriously! Hate with some (educated)class, people…

  • Jessica

    #1- i found your blog today…i havent stopped reading it yet. its hillarious, true, honest. i love it.

    #2- I cannot believe the relay op. I work in a call center and they are very blah and monotone! I cant imagine them having an attitude or any emotion!

    #3- I love the hate mail reference. You should keep a collection, publish the book and make millions, those hate mailers would not be happy…itd be great :)

  • Lee

    Please give me the job…I can rant along with the best of them…..Give me my dream profession of being a professional kvetcher….It would get me off unemployment and Im a legal alien, too. You don’t even have to provide health insurance….We could be so good together…..
    PS I think I actually just peed myself laughing

  • Kelli

    LOL! Warm casserole fart. Un-far-chun-ut-lee I totally know that smell.

  • Sarah RV

    I am sure highlighting the nasty comments was not a total plea for compliments on your part, but reading them created an urge to lavish at least a little honest praise. I read your blog because it is witty, bold and sympathetic. I could beat all your detractors in arm wrestling. Go, you!

  • http://www.mommica.com Mommica


    Objective: To obtain the position of Hate Mail-Reader.

    Education: Trained by a bitter mother, two older sisters who remember the divorce, and five younger siblings who represent all the different kinds of crazy. I can speak for everyone.

    Work Experience: My first job was working the drive-thru at a KFC. ‘Nuff said.

    Interests: Reading, yelling, spitting, hugging, drinking beer.

    References: My husband, who will assure you that I am very good at expressing ALL KINDS of emotion.

  • http://www.humanbeing.wordpress.com Lynn @ human, being

    You gotta love it that people CARE ENOUGH about your blog to write you hate mail. Ah, the price of celebrity.

  • Adrienne

    This site is hilarious, especially the bit about the “Mormon” smell, as anyone who has ever stepped inside a Mormon chapel can recognize it right away. As for people who are easily offended, last time I checked, they had the choice NOT to read this blog. For me, this blog is one way I get my daily dose of the world’s best medicine, loud laughter.

  • BoatSailor

    I would love having the Internet-to-Dooce Relay Operator job. If considered I would sell myself based on a couple of qualifying factors. First is volume (I’m LOUD). Next, is coffee breath. :~) But, I could only be really mean and fully emote if I knew you WANTED me to.

    Really I want the corollary position of Dooce-to-Troll Relay Operator. The poisiton would involve hunting down trolls and hating them back for you. Ahhh, now that’d be real FUN!

    Love your site, keep up the good work.

  • http://www.suatduman.com.tr Suat DUMAN

    Well I think you are perfectly lovely.

  • http://35andsingle.wordpress.com/ 35&Single

    WHINEY DRIVEL!! you are awesome :)
    damn the man!

  • http://unmitigated.typepad.com middle-aged-woman

    I vote for wyliekat. Very creative. Who knew I was going to find a new blog today?

  • http://afterthealter.com Jen

    Wow! I had no idea that bloggers got hate mail? How can anyone take the time to write and yell at you for your opinions? Isn’t a blog just supposed to be somewhat of a journal of your life? Things that you want to share about yourself? I guess it must be nice to take the good letters with the bad letter though. I can’t believe people write that stuff!


  • http://guiltynoodles.wordpress.com guilty noodles

    I had the same conversation with a relay operator. A woman claimed I had called her and wanted to know why, when in fact, no one in the house had picked up the phone in the last 24 hours. She was persistent and when my patience shriveled up, I told her she needed to stop calling me and wasting my time. That was when the relay operator informed me, “She thinks you’re rude and a bitch,” and slammed the phone down.

    The woman called me once a month until I moved.

  • skideewink

    OK can I SKYPE in from Northern Texas, maybe even with a guest appearance by GEORGE?? BTW I too a facebook quiz: ANd I am a LIBERAL MORMON, am I qualified? And my house smelled like the dreaded cassarole fart after we feed the Boy Scouts last night, GROSS!
    Smoochies, (not hugs)

  • http://psychicgeek.com witchypoo

    I regularly work with an adoring telephone public, and OMG was that relay operator #1236? Because I swear she has a psychic bond with her clients. Either that or she’s a fantastic actress.

  • sarah

    Wow, what sad people those hate emailers are. I happen to think you are delightful and funny and a great, loving and “real” mom.

  • http://www.lifeandtimesofchantel.com Chantel

    Can you email me the letters? I’ll video tape me reading them! I’m really good, I need someplace to vent. I promise I’ll do a great job. I’m wildly emotional and irrational sometimes, I’m a perfect fit for this job.

    Really I am!!!!!! Just look at those exclamation points.

  • http://idroppedmybonbon.blogspot.com mpotter

    my sister worked as a relay operator…. b/c she’s nosy.
    seriously that’s why she did it. loved every bit of it. well, except when they called phone sex lines. (do they still have those?)

    every time i read your posts about all the hate mail you get, i think the same thing: why in the world are these idiots reading your site if you suck so badly? and who in the hell would take the time to tell you so??

    pretty comical.
    love when they’re full of grammatical errors as well.

  • Rachel

    “do you know how hard it is to get anywhere on time when you live with a man who must pat down every pocket in his wardrobe to locate his wallet and keys?”


  • http://www.marriageconfessions.com Katie

    I’m eight months pregnant and I may have just wet my pants reading this. Either that, or I seriously need to get to the hospital to deliver a baby… You never can be too sure…

    ~ Katie

  • Laura

    As a receptionist manager….I love this post! I forwarded it on to my team because this is what we deal with DAILY!! HAHAH! SO thanks for the shout out to us Receptionists who know how to work those A Holes!

  • Anonymous

    I answer the phone for a living, and I have come to realize that it’s easy for the public to take all their frustrations out on someone on the phone when they can’t see them in person. People can be really rude, and unfortunately, since our jobs are on the line, we can’t not be rude back. It just really sucks, but there are some really sucky people in this world. I have to remember that, at 5pm, i leave my job and go home to a wonderful husband and kiddo, but the sucky people are like that all the time. Makes my day anyway, otherwise, I would be in a permanent bad mood.

    PS I think it’s horrible that people say those horrible things to you.

  • http://www.becomingsarah.com Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

    The question is: after you’ve finished fixing the Internet, can you fix my husband?

    There’s something wrong with his listening skills.

  • sarah

    wow. i cannot believe people leave such horrid comments. i love your blog and think you are a stellar mom.

  • http://blomsterbarnet.blogspot.com/ Kine


    Please don’t “get a life”. Stay here! 24/7.

  • Sarah

    I barely have time to write and tell you you’re funny. I can’t imagine taking the time to criticize your parenting and call you a whore. That’s dedication. I feel inadequate.