• http://www.doggiebloggie.com Emily

    I can’t believe people actually say things like that about you! You are so awesome and I love the path you’ve cleared for blogs and personal life online and the silly standards that you laughed at and blown past. I have a ton of respect for you. Plus, this probably sounds lame but Oprah knows who you are. thats pretty bad ass.

  • http://douglassdiaries.blogspot.com Brandi

    Oh, I am so qualified for this position.

    I am LDS, but I’m a convert and from the East coast, so I’m not one of THOSE kinds of Mormons. ;)

    Anyway, I have a blog, and I have posted some things that others in my ward have found “questionable.”

    Then I posted about sex, somewhat graphically (though not pornographically).

    All hell broke loose this week. My bishop called in my husband (not me, my husband)to discuss my wayward behavior, I’ve received threats that people will report me for child molestation and other ridiculous things. My ward members are so Christ-like like that.

    It got to the point that I had to turn off the comments and temporarily shut my blog down (I have a readership of about 2000 a day, so shutting down has sucked considerably.)

    All because a recommend holding girl talked about S-E-X. (And told all the women to go shave their hoo-ha’s immediately.)

    Anyway, I think I have the experience needed to fill the job requirements. :)


  • http://beyondthewindow.wordpress.com beyond

    (jeez. some people have too much time on their hands)
    send me an application. i’m always on the lookout for fun part-time jobs. i can do accents too.

  • Tammy

    I’m so glad you are able to seperate yourself from the horrible comments. Would hate to see those few idiots stop you from posting. I’m a fairly new reader and quickly became addicted. Keep on Keeping on Sister!

  • http://www.whattapup.ca carynski

    It’s possible that I just peed myself laughing so hard.

    Seriously. You are brilliant. I love it!

  • Elizabeth

    Thank goodness you have a wonderful sense of humor. I don’t know if I could handle all that spitting pent up rage from crazy radicals every day. Keep doing everything you’re doing. Bout fell over laughing today. Reading your stories make my day so much better! Thank you!

  • Debbie

    Stupid people who say stupid mean things. I like your site and you’re totally not boring. Just because you’re not susy homemaker with the domesticity and the doting and the “I had no worth until my daughter was born” doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom. That’s not for any of us readers to judge.

    Thanks for doing what you do. I look forward to coming to dooce.com every day, and sometimes I wonder what will happen to this site when you decide to retire. Or will you keep blogging until you’re wrinkly and 90? That would be so hilarious.

    Anyways, thanks!

  • http://www.merrywifeofcanon.com Somer

    Seriously? I think you DID just figure out how to fix that whole a-hole commenter thing. Hurry up and monetize that!

  • http://bushbabe.blogspot.com Bush Babe of Granite Glen

    You know, I don’t read every comment you have, but the vast majority seem to be nice and positive… perhaps the hate-mailers aren’t game to post comments, just email?

    Now, if you are happy to move to the Land of Oz, I would be delighted to help you out, Ms Heather!

  • Leslie

    Heather, I just want you to know that I love your website. I check it every day. I love the way you see things. I love your photographs of Chuck and Coco, and especially of Leta. I wish I could meet Coco.

  • parrfunkel

    You’re f’in brilliant, Heather!

    I only discovered your blog after seeing you on Oprah last week. I’ve started reading from the beginning of your archives. You’re my new hero.

    Ok, moving on now.

  • http://thethingsmomslike.blogspot.com Erin @ Things Moms Like

    Hey, I’ll do it! I have a teenager, so I’ve been the bearer of bad news for quite a while.

  • Manda

    This summer I worked front desk at a hotel. It was the worst, I have never had so many people scream at me. I am going to be completely honest and say I am one of the nicest fucking people you will ever meet. So one day I get an angry phone call from a truck driver. He said we charged him double the amount he had been charged before. For the first time I wasn’t feeling sympathetic. So I said, “Sir, that’s because you stayed the first time during the winter, the second time during the summer. You were charged the summer rate”. That’s when he said, “You can take this bill and GO TO HELL!”. He hung up the phone, without letting me defend myself. What I really wanted to say back to him was, “Sir, I am the nicest fucking person ever. So fuck you!”

  • http://webulite.com/group/EverydayGoddess.org EverydayGoddess

    “Warm casserole fart”… I just LOVE the language around here. It’s gorgeously descriptive!

  • Amy J

    I find it really interesting the number of people that tell you (and other bloggers) to get a life, yet what brings them to the blog in the first place? Is it to read and then take the time, their precious, valuable, time to disparage another human being? Well F–K that!!!

    It was a pleasure to meet you last night. You are just as perfectly fabulous in person as you are on-line. I kept my husband up past 1 a.m. reading aloud from the book. Thanks for doing what you do.

  • http://www.whenpigsfly.squarespace.com Jen

    As far as the hate mail people are concerned, I just don’t understand them when it comes to commentary on a site such as this. If they dislike coming here so much they should just leave and let the rest of us enjoy your site. I get a good laugh out of the people who feel so determined to be hateful. They are the ones who need to get a life.

  • Kari

    As a former receptionist myself, I would gladly read hate mail for money… better than listening to it for money. I’m more proud of the receptionist for not laughing. Go her!

  • http://www.therealhousewivesofcollincounty.com Sabrina

    Too bad Coco can’t read. I think she’d be perfect for this.

  • http://diabetesrules.blogspot.com Matt

    I’d like to apply for the job. I am incredibly good at swearing with passion, and I’m local.

  • http://www.survivethemayhem.com SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem

    Description of Jon’s get ready routine: Entertaining
    Relay operator/Receptionist phone call story: Hilarious
    Pokin’ a little fun of the Mormons: PRICELESS!

  • http://chateaudepaixinn.blogspot.com marty

    I like your wit, humor and honesty. I look forward to your posts.
    take care.

  • Sarah

    The hate mail you get is unbelievable, yet so hilarious. It would be so so awesome if you added a Daily Hate Mail to go along with the Daily Chuck, Photo & Style!!!

  • ChiGirl

    I just stumbled across your webpage a few weeks ago through Twitter, and I added it to my favorites that day. I’m a college student, and I find your posts hilarious! Your daughter sounds like she’s crazy in the best way possible, the way little kids are supposed to be. She’s lucky to have you as a mom, and you shouldn’t worry about the hate mail. For every bad letter you receive I’m sure you get 2 good ones along with it. They are funny to read, and after that long list of postings of support for you, I’m sure whoever took the time to write the hate mail feels pretty dumb right now. Keep writing, you inspire me.

  • http://www.deafmomworld.com Karen Putz

    Praise the guts on that caller for trying to make some changes! I look forward to the day when I can access every TV show on every station at every hour.

  • Nicole

    People that say such things to you make my favorite word the F word as well. Fuck that…they are just so JEALOUS of you’re life and what you do to make a living. They are the people that can’t be happy for anyone else. THEY are the stupid whores.

    I heart your blog Ü

  • Kristi

    I’ve been to bored.com. It’s really not that interesting.

    And it’s a crying shame that the people who dislike your website don’t have the willpower to just NOT READ IT. You love your daughter, you do your best, you ask for help when you need it. This fulfills almost all the criteria of a great mom. Now, if you buy her a pony and let her go to sleep-away camp, you’re in.

    If you need a hug in Virginia- just call. Have minivan stuffed full of carseats, books, crayons and snacks- will travel.

  • http://www.motherproof.com/ MotherProof

    Heather, you should see the comments we get. Apparently, we “don’t know jack”, “have no business driving cars, let alone reviewing them” and are “idiots who can’t see past the cupholders”. I don’t think I could handle someone saying that to my face. I might weep. Or punch them. It wouldn’t be pretty.

    You’re braver than I, my dear.

  • Lisa

    I’m sort of with Allison on this one. While I find the whole post funny and I don’t think Heather intended to offend anyone who was hard of hearing/deaf I can understand her frustration. I’m hearing impaired (I wear a cochlear implant) and I also cannot watch the Momversation videos (very very aggravating!) due to lack of closed captioning,it’s really frustrating but I don’t think Heather herself directly has control over whether that happens or not. It’s hard to deal with ANY disability getting angry at Heather isn’t going to relieve those feelings, only make them worse.

  • http://joyiseverywhere.wordpress.com Sus

    I am perfect for the job! I can totally call you a bitch, but then afterwards I will feel awful and we can kiss and make up….in a totally nonlesbian way, of course.

  • Anonymous

    I had not heard of your blog until seeing the online clip of the interview you did. You are refreshing and delightful. I added your blog to my bookmarks!

  • http://authenticthreads.org/blog Braidwood

    Oh my gosh, that was hilarious. I give this post an “F” as well… for FUNNY!!

    Hee hee.

  • http://inc0rrigible.com/blog B. Nicole

    Hiring a relay operator is an excellent idea. However, I think this person should be used to send video replies to those who are anti-dooce. You’ll need someone who can say fuck off is several different languages. Sadly, I’m under qualified for the job.

  • Christy

    Heather –

    I know I am post 101 and you probably won’t read this but I had to tell you I love your blog and always have. I work in the Child Protection field and let me tell you – you are a F%#@ing AMAZING parent. The fact that Leta is raised by her own parents and not in child care is a gift. The fact that you see her every day and don’t have soemone else raising her is a gift to her. If I could work from home and devote most of my waking hours to my child I would do that in a HEARTBEAT. I am sure all those haters would too. They are just jealous Heather – don’t listen to ‘em. Personally I think they post the hate comments so that you will comment on them and they can be talked about. That’s SAD!!!

    I LOVE reading your posts and I strive to be as good of a parent as you are. None of us are perfect, but the fact that your child has two very loving parents who devote their lives to her as well as the fact that you put a roof over her head and food on the table every night makes youa a better parent than a large portion of this country. Take it from me – I’ve seen it ALL!!!

    Keep your head up sister. We all love you!

  • http://www.herdeepthoughts.blogspot.com LaLicenciada

    This was HYYYYSSSSTTTEERRRICAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it!

  • http://www.tiedupwithablackvelvetband.blogspot.com/ TUWABVB

    I was interested while reading this story, but totally distracted because I was wondering why one would be so upset about a captioning incident when they were clearly able to hear over the phone.

    And that’s why I would make a great relay operator for you!

    Loved seeing you in Austin and so happy you made the trek to our little corner of Texas!

  • Stenar

    I’m really sorry for all the hate mail you get. But I want to let you know that I really love your blog and I’m glad you write it. You’re a wonderful writer. :)

  • Gretchen Kirkham

    Umm…. the beer… is that one of the fringe benefits? You buyin’?

    Cuz… I mean, if it might in any way be up for negotiation, I might enjoy the occasional pitcher of sangria or margaritas. Or, after a particularly *angry* week, Yeager shots might be in order.

    I could do this job.

  • http://aflawedbeauty.blogspot.com Susan

    Having worked as a relay operator, I can’t express to you enough how embarrassing it is to have to relay that sort of crazy shit. On one end of the phone you have a poor person doing their best to help and on the other you’ve got CRAZY DEAF GUY WHO CAN’T BE REASONED WITH. It doesn’t help that CRAZY DEAF GUY usually types about 8 words per minute. The rage in the relay operator’s voice was surely her own, thrown out at the poor TV Studio secretary because it was impossible for her to crawl through the phone and throttle CRAZY DEAF GUY. Also, I’d like to apply for that job. :)

  • Talon

    . . .

    Dude…if you could package that and sell it, you’d be a millionare!!

    Forget writing, Heather Armstrong, the Woman who Fixed the Internets!!


  • ma2one

    Sweet Heather,
    It’s time to learn some real NYC style self preservation.
    Please tell people who send you nasty emails to:
    Send this in a mass emailing exposing all their addresses to each other.

    loving you from NY,NY

  • http://www.absentmindedhousewife.com/ Becky..Absent Minded Housewife

    I fix the internets with duct tape and spit.

    I could apply for your position but I how can I not giggle at some of the more creative euphimisms for female anatomy? Some of those words are my favorite words!

    Or, I’d work myself up and in the process I’d stop being able to control my abiliy to hold in gas. You don’t pay extra for musical interludes I’m sure.

  • dooce


    I really appreciate you leaving a comment on my post. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be with situations like the one I described. A few points of clarification:

    Several people have written to me to ask if I can get the Momversation videos subtitled or captioned. I have passed on this request EVERY SINGLE TIME to the person who would be able to make that happen. I have absolutely no control over this aspect of the video and am doing my best to see that your needs are heard.

    As far as my book tour and speaking engagements go, again, I have no control over whether or not those events are accessible to deaf people. They are always planned and executed by someone other than myself and I am at the mercy of the company or conference in charge. Going forward, however, I plan to put in a request to make this happen. Thank you for helping me to understand the need for this.

    As far as the angry caller and whether I found her tone to be excessive, again, I understand that you are fed up and beyond frustrated. However, I’m not so certain that yelling or telling someone to shut up solves anything or helps communicate your needs. Having worked on the receptionist’s end of the conversation, I am now always really careful about how I speak to people who work customer service because I remember wanting to help someone more when they were civil with me. Common courtesy, whether you’re blind or deaf or neither, goes a really long way.

  • Katie

    oh my.. i WAS a relay operator. for THREE YEARS! horrid job, it was. yelling at strangers could be fun though. listening to the operator in the next cubicle, someone’s 60 something year old grandmother tell some woman on the line how she is going to “give it to her” (with great lines such as: “good thing i’m deaf, so i won’t hear all your screaming..”) = kind of awesome in an awful way

  • http://notbychoice.tumblr.com/ Kristina

    “Your nothing but a dirty piece of whiny drivel.”

    I read this as being “Your nothing but a dirty piece of white devil.” Which sounds like a delicious cake! Dirty White Devil Cake! With Slut!Whore! ice cream on the side! And of course, lots of whipped cream. If you know what I mean.

    I honestly think you should get Capucine to read that stuff out to you – not translated, just have her read the emails out phonetically. Can you imagine how cute “Get a life idiot! You got fired for being a stupid whore!” would sound from a French toddler? I can’t, because I just blew my own mind.

  • Liz

    I’m Mormon and I know EXACTLY what you mean by the smell of a Mormon church. How does every Mormon church I’ve been to all over the world all smell the same? It’s incredible really.

    I’m sorry you have so many haters, but I’m so glad you do what you do.

  • Michelle

    It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who thinks that the Mormon religion is just a money hogging cult.

  • http://www.unfiltered.net/ laura c.

    ah, i was once a relay operator, too! and angela, it’s not “over” that you’re supposed to say; it’s “go ahead.” what an awful job.

    katie (118), were you also employed through MCI in northern california?

  • http://www.meanmommymusings.blogspot.com sarah w.

    How lame. I love that you have a sense of humor about it, though.

    Is there a bloggie equivalent word for road rage? Read rage? Web rage? Maybe these people have been sitting in their computer chairs too long and their hemmeroids are flaring.

  • http://threescobeys.blogspot.com Ashley

    First of all, I am so sorry that people would ever write things like that to you. That aside, I am relieved that my husband is not the only one who turns his wardrobe inside out looking for his belongings. Do you also get to hear “Honey, where are my keys/wallet/phone?!” when: A) How the hell should I know, and B) They are in your POCKET!!

  • http://pbrippeyblogma.com PB Rippey/sleepless mama

    I’d be a terrible relay operator, but here’s what I’d say:

    Your not a whore, your a good mother!
    Your not a stupid b****, your a hot mama!
    Your not a dirty piece of whiny drivel, your super!
    Your a best-selling author, which doesn’t come without some hard work! Good for your!

    (I’m amazed the whiny drivel person didn’t get the contraction, or didn’t spell whiny “winey” at the very least)