• AlexandraDare

    Ahhh, this is a beautiful post. Love it. And I get it too. Everything can be right and oh-so-wrong at the same time. Suffering isn’t exclusive to third-world countries, the same way that happiness is not the direct result of having everything.

  • Bones

    Agreed. I was asking my mom the other day. Why can’t I just feel fine? Why do I have to work so hard to just be ok? We all should be happy with the abundance we have. That isn’t the point. We are wired different. It sucks. I come to this site to feel validated. And good for the people that have never felt like shit. You and I don’t agree on lots of things which is irrelevant, I respect you and what you are doing. Thank you

  • HowToBeADad

    Is there where internet trolls come out? Really? When we talk about concepts that are tough for us. When we discuss facts about subjects that most would rather sweep under a rug? Being a parent is the business but it’s also business end of the metaphorical gun. Sometimes.

    The only place for the bullshit of the world is in writing, in art. We weave our bullshit into shinier bullshit so that others can learn, laugh or take a break from their own.

    Let’s not start classifying each other’s bullshit as more or less valid. Shall we?

    ::”Haters gonna hate” Walk — COMMENCE::

    - Charlie

  • BrigidS

    Standing. Clapping.

  • AmandaB

    Word.

    And this: “Knowing that there is worse pain doesn’t make present pain hurt any less.”

  • Pants

    I love how people forget that they chose to come to your site and that they don’t have to read or stay or even come back if they don’t want to. I like how they also don’t get that sometimes you like a post, sometimes you don’t, that’s life because that’s what it’s like to interact with another human being who has feelings and thoughts that aren’t just like yours. I guess what I’m saying here is that I would be on a rampage if I were you, but way to be for keeping calm and carrying on!

  • Shea

    Beautiful.

  • Katintherat

    I popped on today to find the blue light you’d posted a couple of weeks ago, as I am having a really hard time with winter already and feeling bad things that I haven’t felt in awhile. Anyway, as they say, money can’t buy happiness, nor can two cars, health care, or access to the internet. Suffering and pain can be relative, and I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time. I hope that you (and I) can dig your way out of it.

  • Sarasnee

    Had to choke up at the last sentence. Our problems are small, certainly, but our emotions are still there. Money does not buy happiness… It tries really hard though.

  • maureenp

    I thank you for saying so publicly what is so hard for many of us to say–and for making yourself vulnerable, knowing there are people reading this who feel the right to judge or weigh out your suffering against their own or anyone else’s.

    I relish your humanity in the many ways you show it on this site–not just in your worst days but also in your best.

    But, I hope you feel better soon.

  • Erin Z

    “Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying you’re friends is easy. Being friends is not.”
    — David Levithan

  • WebSavyMom

    –>Generally speaking, I’m a very lucky person and have nothing to really complain about that wouldn’t fall into a “first world problem.”
    I had the blues after having my baby and five years later still remember how it felt. It’s like wanting someone to shake the silliness out you because you can’t get enough air in to take a deep breath.

  • KatieMama

    I will never understand the people who think they can bitch about what someone writes on their own blog, especially directly to the writer. Thank you for writing what you feel. And by the way, I love your hair. I loved the Peter Pan cut, as well, and now that it’s a bit longer it has even more personality and spunk.

  • reneewvu

    Loving your hair.

  • dyanemcs

    Thanks for this. For the acknowledgement that it’s okay to feel whatever we feel. So many people look at other people from the outside & think that they should never have a reason to be sad, let alone depressed. I don’t own a house, but we live in a home we love, my husband has a great job, I work doing something I love & get to do it from home, our kids are grown, we have a strong marriage & even some of my friends feel resentful if I show my true feelings.

    The truth is, I have a daughter who’s an addict & a drug dealer, who’s sitting in jail, refusing rehab and all shots at a future & I’m supposed to be cheerful? We have had to completely push her away to avoid enabling her, so we have that guilt to deal with on top of the fear & worry for her safety. I needed to be given permission to feel my emotions today, even if it was from a stranger who’s blog I read.

  • infinitdee

    I’m crying as I write this, as I was when I read it. My depression cannot hold a candle to the demons that you’ve shared with all of us but it still hides its guilty, seemingly self-indulgent head from the world and festers without rhyme or reason.
    I struggle with how to explain it to my new husband, who treats it like he does menstruation – as one of those weird things I do. I’m so blessed, so fortunate, so AWARE of all of this. And yet…
    “…even with everything in its right place it’s okay if you still don’t know why it doesn’t feel that way.”
    This sentence is everything that I needed today and probably for a few today’s in the future.
    Thank you for your courage and allowing us all to borrow it from time to time.
    -Dee

  • Plano Mom

    I don’t curse. That southern Methodist thing. But what you just said? Fuck yeah.

  • MelissaJ

    just because you don’t have “the worst” situation does not diminish the feelings you have.

    i don’t like people…in general…and i really dislike asshats.

    yep…Dooce has got it good…i have got it good…just in a different way…most people reading this have it good…we all have baggage, we all have crap…and anyone that reads you and doesn’t think you have crap…well that’s because they are full of it!

  • Janice

    I can relate to having depression thought I only know what my depression feels like. I appreciate your sharing the reality of what you are feeling as it validates the feelings so many would like to share but so many others don’t want to hear.

    I don’t know you so this seems a bit creepy to say but I’m a little worried about you.

    Take good care of you

  • Trish has 3 girls

    Thank you. I struggle with depression and feel guilty about it about everyday. Well, everyday that is a bad day. They all aren’t. It’s so hard to reconcile all that I have with my feelings of sadness. Thank you for giving me permission to have an abundance of life’s riches and still feel like shit.

  • Deserex

    Eff the haters!!! You can whine to me any day. That’s what friends are for, and we are your friends!

  • anya

    You know what, everybody who is human, can get sad, and aimless, and depressed. The rich, the poor. If you are a thinking human being, an introspective person, a person with feelings, you can be happy, and you can be very sad. Don’t let the stupid make you feel as if you don’t have that right. I hope things start feeling better again for you very soon. Know, there are so many people around who feel very warmly towards you.
    P.S. is that lamp thing helping at all? I was looking to buy one for myself…

  • bmarten

    All I know is I have depression too, and so often I beat myself up for feeling so down when I have much. But knowing this, doesn’t make it any better. So there is really no point in comparing myself to other.

    Brittany

  • smithie1996

    It will be a great day indeed when people can start to understand that talking about depression is not whining. I live with a toddler and I know what whining sounds like. So do you. Your voice is not whining. It is so sad that it breaks my heart.

    I am so thankful for you and the way you so eloquently talk about what it is like to do battle with depression. Thank you.

  • RathrBeAtWrigley

    Thanks for being so honest, Heather. That’s the reason why I read your blog and I’m sure that’s the reason why so many other people do, too. Keep the feelings coming!

  • uvula_envy

    It takes courage to show your feelings, whether it’s in person or on the internet. Heather, thanks for having the courage to share your feelings, especially the icky ones. I know I don’t have the courage to show the dark stuff, but you do.

    I am sorry the haters are going to hate. It’s how some people make themselves feel better when they are down.

    I appreciate what you’ve done. Hell, you’ve encouraged me to tackle the marathon. Of course, it’s the marathon of walking with Avon because I am not certain that my knees could take it.

    Know you have more fans than you have haters.