Wherein I was fondled by strangers

Over the weekend I had to fix an ongoing problem in my more personal life. So I headed to the mall, hit the lingerie section of a big box store and asked two girls who are young enough to be my children to tell me how big my boobs are. After having given birth in [...]

Because it’s been too long

How about a post about boobs? Yeah? YEAH. When I was in sixth grade I weighed about sixty pounds soaking wet. My elbows and knees poked out in comical directions, my hipbones dangerously sharp. I have a body I inherited from my father who at six-feet tall weighed 130 pounds for the first forty years [...]

The inevitable post that gets placed squarely in the BOOBS category

So. Breastfeeding. You know what? I think I’m going to begin every post just like that from now on: So. Just the “So” part, not the breastfeeding part, although I’m open to doing just that if that’s what you prefer. But something tells me you might be a little bit done with all the female [...]

Where am I?

Surprisingly, only a few dozen people have written to chastise me about the state of my masthead, most of them quick to say hey you, blogger who blogs on her Internet blog, don’t you know what month it is? Let’s just for a moment consider that I haven’t once had more than two consecutive hours [...]

Wherein I make multiple references to breasts, some not my own

Tomorrow morning (Wednesday May 7) I’m going to be on the “Today” show to discuss the business of (insert ominous voice of death) MOMMY BLOGGING. They tell me my segment will air at 8:30 AM, and that I’ll either be talking with Matt Lauer or Meredith Viera, and I love those guys, don’t get me [...]

Mathematical probability

I’m taking a bath with Leta, and after making sure that all her body parts are properly scrubbed I ask Jon to wash my back because, although my wingspan is almost six feet, my arms are only so bendable. He takes the washcloth, rubs between my shoulder blades, and then in a move reminiscent of [...]

Under the pink

October’s masthead is up (again, if you’re having trouble seeing parts or the whole of it, try holding down the shift key while refreshing your browser), and I used a gratuitous amount of pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, to show my support for everyone who has been and will be affected by [...]

Healing an old wound

Last night I took a bath with Leta because I had worked out later in the day, and while we were both scrubbing our arms and shoulders she leaned over my right leg and pointed to a round scar I have on my shin. “Wuss at?” she asked. “That’s a boo-boo,” I said. “BOO-BOO?” she [...]

I can’t take her anywhere anymore

Yesterday while standing in the parking lot at Costco I looked down only to see Leta squeezing my boob as if she were honking a horn. Honk. Honk honk. My child was grabbing my boob. In public. I quickly removed her hand from my chest, forged into the store with my head down, and mumbled [...]

Thinking

There is something heartbreakingly humbling about attending a family gathering where a 13-year-old niece has bigger boobs than I’ve ever had including the ones I had during the second month of breastfeeding.