Holiday for the Kids, 2014

If anyone gifts my 5-yr-old an object that makes or plays music, I will personally see to it that Santa takes a giant shit in their stocking.

Holiday for Him, 2014

This should also include a DVD of hundreds of episodes of “Scooby-Doo” in case he gets sick and needs you to help him sip Gatorade.

The ornamenting

A tradition with my girls that delights this dog year after year, this season in particular.

Annual holiday bokeh

When I asked the girls if we should get a real tree this year Leta said, “That seems like a lot of work.” Only ask Leta her opinion if you *really* want to hear it.

Holiday for Her, 2014

My child is at school which means she is not attached to my body which means I can take a moment to entertain myself.

Modern folklore

Next, I’m buying some Pop Rocks and soda and we are going to party.

“Let’s go!”

If the eleven-year-old Heather could witness this future she’d totally forgive the fact that she ended up living in Utah.

Shrapnel

No animal was injured in the unwrapping of this Christmas morning.

And lo, it was good

Santa is obviously a huge fan of Pinterest, you guys. What a sheep.

Seasons greetings

Despite all appearances, we are not hunkered down here with guns and cannons and flaming menorahs.