Second Christmases

There may be more Play-Doh paraphernalia under the tree tonight along with a giant bag of coal and a scrolling list of chores.

Christmas mascot

This ornament is going to make my friend Leah so goddamn happy. Better than a gif of a naked baby bear dancing to the Bee Gees.

Holiday for the Kids, 2014

If anyone gifts my 5-yr-old an object that makes or plays music, I will personally see to it that Santa takes a giant shit in their stocking.

Holiday for Him, 2014

This should also include a DVD of hundreds of episodes of “Scooby-Doo” in case he gets sick and needs you to help him sip Gatorade.

The ornamenting

A tradition with my girls that delights this dog year after year, this season in particular.

Annual holiday bokeh

When I asked the girls if we should get a real tree this year Leta said, “That seems like a lot of work.” Only ask Leta her opinion if you *really* want to hear it.

Holiday for Her, 2014

My child is at school which means she is not attached to my body which means I can take a moment to entertain myself.

Modern folklore

Next, I’m buying some Pop Rocks and soda and we are going to party.

“Let’s go!”

If the eleven-year-old Heather could witness this future she’d totally forgive the fact that she ended up living in Utah.


No animal was injured in the unwrapping of this Christmas morning.