If anyone gifts my 5-yr-old an object that makes or plays music, I will personally see to it that Santa takes a giant shit in their stocking.
This should also include a DVD of hundreds of episodes of “Scooby-Doo” in case he gets sick and needs you to help him sip Gatorade.
A tradition with my girls that delights this dog year after year, this season in particular.
When I asked the girls if we should get a real tree this year Leta said, “That seems like a lot of work.” Only ask Leta her opinion if you *really* want to hear it.
My child is at school which means she is not attached to my body which means I can take a moment to entertain myself.
Next, I’m buying some Pop Rocks and soda and we are going to party.
If the eleven-year-old Heather could witness this future she’d totally forgive the fact that she ended up living in Utah.
No animal was injured in the unwrapping of this Christmas morning.
Santa is obviously a huge fan of Pinterest, you guys. What a sheep.
Despite all appearances, we are not hunkered down here with guns and cannons and flaming menorahs.