And the updated electrical system and the water heater and the brand new landscaping I left behind.
Last October the Armstrong family bought a dishwasher in the hopes that when we die we will go to heaven like all the other dishwasher-owning parents who sterilize bottles. I’m still a little confused as to how someone who bottle feeds their baby can end up in heaven, though, even if they sterilize the nipples, [...]
Although the official closing ceremonies on the kichen remodel occurred a little over two weeks ago, it has taken Jon and me that long to realize that we have to go back to a normal way of living, to days not spent roaming the aisles at Home Depot and nights not spent scraping or crushing [...]
Because we didn’t have enough room next to the refrigerator in our living room for a Christmas tree, the only festive decoration in our house this year has been a 10-foot string of white lights. I know it may surprise some of you that even though Jon and I don’t practice an official religion, aside [...]
Number of pregnant, stress pimples that have sprouted on my forehead since Friday night: 4 Description of alien being trying to escape those pregnant, stress pimples: green, scaly, with an amphibious disposition Number of 50W halogen spot lights we installed in the kitchen ceiling yesterday: 8 Number of lights after which I wanted to give [...]
The first thing I did last night when I walked into our house after living for four days in a place where the most technologically advanced piece of hardware was an indoor toilet was turn on the TV and press PAUSE. For the next 45 minutes I pressed PAUSE and then PLAY over and over [...]
For the next four days Jon and I are living once again in my mother’s basement as the wood floors in our kitchen are being refinished. When we walked into her house last night the smell of defeat and fatigue and doom enveloped us like an old toxic friend; it was exactly a year ago [...]
Let’s just forget for a moment that I can’t bend over at the waist, or that in less than two months our family is going to increase in size by 33.3%. (NOTE: For those of you sending me email telling me that my math is all wrong and that our family will be increasing by [...]