Holy Sabbath Day of Prayer
The Mormon Church holds a sort of general assembly type meeting twice a year, a meeting called General Conference where the leaders of the Church give talks about the same stuff you have to hear about over and over again in Sunday School every Sunday, stuff like: 1. The importance of being faithful 2. The [...]
If They Only Knew . . .
What a badass motherfucker they were unleashing on an unsuspecting world. You gotta love unpacking old boxes full of pictures you thought you’d burned years ago, only to find gems like this one which, if I ever ran for office, could be used against me to prove what a poseur I really am. I wore [...]
Reason Number 16
There are several reasons why I left the Mormon Church, all of which I’ve only ever articulated to my husband and, on occasion, my dog. Many of these reasons are not only related to why I left Utah in the first place, but they are also inextricable from Utah culture as a whole. And I [...]
Even their Dog is Mormon
Now wait a minute, people. I knew about the cold weather and the liquor laws and the dry air, so dry that by 3am every morning the pointy boogers in my nose form a barricade so impenetrable the airflow through my body is involuntarily re-routed through my mouth in one harrowingly gigantic gasp for life. [...]
Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche
I have to admit, I never thought I would get married. Wait, that’s not entirely true. When I was a sophomore in high school I remember thinking that in the year 2000 I would be 25 and married because all Mormons are married by they time they turn 25. That’s just what Mormons do; they [...]
Evolution of the Mormon Cusser
When I was eight years old and lanky with huge square teeth I used to spend hours at a neighbor’s house indulging in every contraband known to a child reared in a Mormon household: MTV, Nintendo, re-runs of “Three’s Company,” and endless experiments with flammable bodily excretions, to name just a few. The first time [...]
Baptistic Jihad
It’s a little known fact that I grew up in a Mormon household in a very non-Mormon part of the country some like to call The Bible Belt, or what I like to remember as The Bible Shall Be Shoved Down Your Throat Or We Shall Whip You With a Belt. My family lived not [...]
Relaunch
We here at Dooce headquarters decided late last week that things around here needed to change, that perhaps a new look and a more focused eye to the future would be good for everyone. After several design review meetings equipped with floor-to-ceiling white boards and freshly copied visio documents, we managed to push this iteration [...]
Memoirs of a Recovering Mormon
I have wasted the last several hours of my life reading my journals from my freshman and sophomore years at BYU. I don’t think any other activity could be quite as depressing, except perhaps actually attending BYU. The following are selected excerpts from the sophomore year journal. Accounts of my freshman year are just too [...]
