Basking in the light of the southern exposure

Can’t be bothered

Healthy sleep habits, grumpy baby

If Jon and I decide to try and have another child there are so many things that I will do differently. At the top of that list is WILL NOT INTRODUCE GUMMY BEARS INTO THE DIET. For the last month we have heard nothing but Leta’s plaintive gummy bear song, a mournful yearning for her [...]

I like to think that she smells good because of me, but I’m pretty sure that has everything to do with the lotion

My daughter may not look like I was even in the room when she was conceived, but there are several indications that no one else on earth could be her mother, a few of which include: 1) she can burp louder than a low-flying F-16, 2) her dazzling ability to simultaneously hold her breath and [...]

My 17 Pound, 28 Inch Tall Gagmeister

Yesterday morning I took Leta to get her six-month immunizations, her third round of torture, her third dance with potentially lethal diseases. During her second month and fourth month procedures she cried for all of four seconds each time, but yesterday she BAWLED open-mouthed, pausing between screams with a silence that made each subsequent scream [...]

Confessions of a Hot Sleeper

It’s not something I’m terribly proud of, the hot sleeping thing. I mean, I don’t just sleep warmly, or even heatedly. When I sleep I emit measurable amounts of toxic radiation, veritable fucking oodles of hot, hot hotness. I’ve been a hot sleeper since childhood, and so I’ve never known how to sleep differently. How [...]

Asleep

My best friend Kathy, the one from Valdosta, Georgia — she bought a Ford Explorer cause its big and she’s just a slip of a thing — is driving my car (not a Ford Explorer, alas, but don’t take that to mean I’m a slab of a thing, no siree). I’m sitting in the passenger [...]

Only In My Dreams

Due to a lack of proper nappage during the workday over the last month, my weekend nights and afternoons as of late have become nothing more than a series of outlandish and tiresome dream sequences the color and rhythm of battle scenes in the new HBO mini-series “Band of Brothers,” minus any appearances by David [...]

Nap Attack

I’ve always been amazed by those chronically awake individuals who can drive a car or butter a muffin on less than eight hours sleep. Doctors and scientists prescribe eight hours of sleep for healthy adult human beings only because “eight” is the average of two extremes: those insane specimens who can nap for “four” hours [...]

Nap Time For Adults

Key to a good nap in the middle of the day at work: Make sure the car is parked in the shade, preferrably in a parking garage so that you don’t have people walking by the car and gawking at your mangled form on the back seat and calling the police because they think you’re [...]