My 17 Pound, 28 Inch Tall Gagmeister
Yesterday morning I took Leta to get her six-month immunizations, her third round of torture, her third dance with potentially lethal diseases. During her second month and fourth month procedures she cried for all of four seconds each time, but yesterday she BAWLED open-mouthed, pausing between screams with a silence that made each subsequent scream [...]
Confessions of a Hot Sleeper
It’s not something I’m terribly proud of, the hot sleeping thing. I mean, I don’t just sleep warmly, or even heatedly. When I sleep I emit measurable amounts of toxic radiation, veritable fucking oodles of hot, hot hotness. I’ve been a hot sleeper since childhood, and so I’ve never known how to sleep differently. How [...]
Asleep
My best friend Kathy, the one from Valdosta, Georgia — she bought a Ford Explorer cause its big and she’s just a slip of a thing — is driving my car (not a Ford Explorer, alas, but don’t take that to mean I’m a slab of a thing, no siree). I’m sitting in the passenger [...]
Only In My Dreams
Due to a lack of proper nappage during the workday over the last month, my weekend nights and afternoons as of late have become nothing more than a series of outlandish and tiresome dream sequences the color and rhythm of battle scenes in the new HBO mini-series “Band of Brothers,” minus any appearances by David [...]
Nap Attack
I’ve always been amazed by those chronically awake individuals who can drive a car or butter a muffin on less than eight hours sleep. Doctors and scientists prescribe eight hours of sleep for healthy adult human beings only because “eight” is the average of two extremes: those insane specimens who can nap for “four” hours [...]
Nap Time For Adults
Key to a good nap in the middle of the day at work: Make sure the car is parked in the shade, preferrably in a parking garage so that you don’t have people walking by the car and gawking at your mangled form on the back seat and calling the police because they think you’re [...]
