Thinking

Did you know that you can go five whole days without showering? All you need is some deodorant, a ponytail holder, and some mascara and NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. (okay, so everyone will know, but at least you can’t be accused of not putting forth the effort)

Thinking

I know I am a sad old hag of a mother when I find myself thinking about what else I can store or pack away in the best invention in the entire world, THE ONE-GALLON ZIPLOC STORAGE BAG. I want to get naked and roll in a stack of them.

Thinking

There is something heartbreakingly humbling about attending a family gathering where a 13-year-old niece has bigger boobs than I’ve ever had including the ones I had during the second month of breastfeeding.

Thinking

Did the people behind the whole TV thing just sort of give up when they came up with a prime time drama called “Medical Investigation”? That’s the BEST they could come up with? That’s just one step away from “Gynecological Examination” or “Colonoscopy.” Next week on “Proctological Procedure”…

Thinking

George Bush would be a great president . . . of France!!!!

Thinking

When I save a number to memory on the cordless phone it flashes up the words, “THIS NUMBER HAS BEEN SAVED!” As if the number has a soul that has accepted Christ as its personal savior. SO. FUCKING. WEIRD.

Thinking

Thank GOD the Red Sox won! This means that I should be able to poop for the next 86 years STRAIGHT.

Thinking

I attained geek nirvana recently when someone pointed out that this website is mentioned in the Jargon Watch section of November’s issue of Wired. And just when I thought things couldn’t get more exciting around here, I saw yesterday that Google is serving up ads for the FLOWBEE on this site. If that isn’t a [...]

Thinking

I cannot possibly express the importance of marrying someone who knows how to wear a pair of pants that hit the shoes just right. So much flows from that one standard.

Thinking

Is it programmed into the human DNA to turn the head away as violently as possible when the parental hand approaches with a tissue to wipe the runny nose? Because THIS IS NOT A LEARNED BEHAVIOR. KEEP STILL AND LET ME WIPE YOUR NOSE.