the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Beveled Distress

Notably foolish comments directed at a graphic designer every day of her life:

“Can you make it, um… sparkle?”

“Purple. Let’s go with purple.”

“When I click the buttons on the menu, nothing happens. What’s wrong with this jpeg mock-up?”

“Make room for 15 animated promos on the homepage.”

“Stock photography? I’ll just bring in my camera and we can take pictures of our [unshaven] upper-management in the [dimly-lit] conference room.”

“Can you please print out the website so we can take a look at it?”

“I don’t like squares.”

“I don’t like circles.”

“Why do we have to use graphics? Yahoo doesn’t use graphics.”

“If users don’t want to sit through the [thoroughly annoying and utterly useless] intro more than once, they can just click the ‘Skip Intro’ button.”

“Why test it? Everybody uses Internet Explorer anyway.”

“If I scroll, I can’t see the top of the page. Is that a bug?”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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