the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Things I Plan to Cook With My Newly Obtained Kitchen Aid That I’m Not Sure How to Use

1. Betty Crocker Supreme cookie bar mix that I will pass off as homemade chocolate chip cookies made from scratch.

2. Canned chili

3. Barbecue ribs

4. Orange juice

5. Popsicles

6. Cheerios

7. Microwavable frozen enchiladas packaged by our friends at The Old El Paso.

8. Quaker Instant Oatmeal

9. Toast

10. Peanut butter crackers

11. Jelly

12. Martinis

13. Rice Krispie Treats

14. Whatever recipes from Martha Stewart Living that don’t require any sort of mechanical expertise. Or flipping. Or kneading.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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