the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Ten Reasons Being Sick is Worse Than Actually Going to Work

1. Phlegm. There’s no phlegm at work.

2. Recently installed digital cable isn’t working.

3. Next door neighbor has the new Enrique Iglesias album on repeat. Currently, we’re on round four.

4. The Roommate had to go to work and now there’s no one here to stroke my head and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that he doesn’t mind my cold feet.

5. I miss my cubicle.

6. Would much rather bulletize a presentation than examine the contents of my stomach on the floor near the toilet because I was too slow and missed the target.

7. Who is going to torture that Asian database administrator? Who?

8. Car alarms in the middle of the day are just as annoying as car alarms in the middle of the night.

9. Credit card telemarketers.

10. I still have to wait another nine hours until I get to see his goofy grin and kiss his ears and smell his neck.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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