the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Why I Like December

Only seven more months until summer.

Dooce also begins with a D.

I don’t know anyone with a birthday in December, and so I can’t forget any of those birthdays.

Those mittens without fingers.

The bounteous multitude of green M&M’s.

In the spirit of the season, my sister usually forgives me of my sins and lets me hold her babies.


Exploitative Baby Gap� ads.

Disturbing claymation Christmas specials.

All that snuggling.

Every movie studio releases all potential Oscar contenders in one short two-week span. It’s like a national film festival right at your local film house.

I can call anyone a Ho! and no one will think I’m doing anything but spreading holiday cheer.

I’m reminded annually that I never have to take another mid-term or final examination ever again for as long as I motherfucking live.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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