the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Book
Podcast
Posts
About
Shop

Book
Podcast
Posts
About
Shop

the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Photos

Babies in Utah

By Heather B. Armstrong January 2, 2002

Launch Babies in Utah

Photos

Email Article Twitter Facebook Pin It

Prev Thinking

Next I Resolve To in 2002: Things Brought to My Attention Whilst Visiting Utah

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

SaveSave

Related //

Might not make sense having not slept in days
Basie
Listening
Thus spoke the travel clinic, and I kind of paid attention

// Related Reads

The halfway point
Next week we’re introducing her to Pink Floyd
Organza-Wrapped Free Time, With Lavender
Somewhere over Western Utah

Shibari Mini Halo
$27.95
Anker USB-C 60W Charger
$54.99
Luxe Bidet Neo 120
$59.95
Soviet Space Graphics: Cosmic Visions from the USSR
$39.33

Latest Pin

Latest Instagram

One night last week the Spotify algorithm served u

One night last week the Spotify algorithm served up a song I’d never heard during my 1AM insomnia bath — stick with me. I promise. It gets so much worse from here.

CUTE DETAIL AHOY: Insomnia is one of the most common symptoms of peri menopause. Last week I didn’t sleep a wink three out of six nights. It’s horrifying, and this leads me to The Fuck Buttons.

Is this where I’m going? I’ve been known to!

I paused Spotify — OH! Brain fog is another fun thing about La Sorcière Périménopause. I didn’t add the song to my library.

Normally you’d listen to that song while high on enough cocaine to kill Jabba the Hutt, but I fell asleep in four seconds. An hour later I woke up and couldn’t find it on the mobile app.

YES, WRAPPING IT UP, FUNYUN: Took me an hour to find it on my desktop app. Couldn’t fall back asleep so I wrote an electronic opera in my head with that song playing in my ears.

An hour after that I texted @blurb and asked him for keyboard recommendations. One, for my my late night insomniac, menopausal voyages. Two, a certain someone regularly beatboxes with their head and mouth without knowing they are doing it.

Hooked up the keyboard a day ago. They walked up to it and this is what they did.

My instinct was right. Thank you, Jon and Mom, for helping me make this happen.

Also, the smile at the end is going to kill you so have enough money in the bank to pay for your funeral.

🎹🎶🥁

Copyright © HBA Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

dooce® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com, and is also a RewardStyle, Shopsense, and Stitch Fix Affiliate.