the smell of my desperation has become a stench


No surgical procedure should ever begin with the words, “Tell me if this hurts,” particularly when such a procedure is being conducted by a husband wearing a headlamp and wielding a pair of tweezers.

Of course, when presented the opportunity to excavate the unruly barbed whiskers from the underside of her man’s chin, a wife should resist the overwhelming urge to declare, “Goldmine!”

  • dj blurb

    2002/09/18 at 9:39 am

    Ah, the bliss of being a newlywed: headlamps, tweezers and dermatology.

  • dirty matt

    2002/09/18 at 11:19 am

    i think welcome back, honky! bout time and all.

    ahh, marriage. just last week, my wife stole my favorite pillow and got away with it, cause she’s pregnant.

  • Megchem

    2002/09/18 at 11:20 am

    Yayyyyy! No more harassing blurb for your secret location!!!!!

  • paul

    2002/09/18 at 11:41 am

    i hate when clicks want to shave or pluck my stubble. i know how to do these things, so if i didn’t want them there, they’d be gone.

  • Paul Gutman

    2002/09/18 at 11:41 am

    I’ve missed you, even though ye never knew me. Nevertheless, mining one’s own ingrown hairs don’t allow for the satisfaction of acting like a baby–for which your husband can then happily comfort you.

    Congratulations on that whole married thing….

  • wb

    2002/09/18 at 12:04 pm

    i kept hoping one day I would come back and you would be here. awesome!

  • drew

    2002/09/18 at 12:47 pm

    i have come to the realization that part of a wife’s self proclaimed duty is to rid husband’s of their unruly ingrown hairs and pimples. i hate the procedures, but without my wife, i’d be a big mess.

  • lynne

    2002/09/18 at 12:48 pm

    welcome back! i just wanted to say, also, that your wedding pictures were beautiful.

  • Kyle

    2002/09/18 at 1:07 pm

    Welcome back!! Congrats!!

    The wedding pics were amazing. Looking forward to reading you again.

  • spike

    2002/09/18 at 2:27 pm

    yay for the return of da dooce!

    so, in addition to hair extraction, do you extract scabs from yr spouse? some people at work were talking about their need to do that to their spouses / children…

  • Neilio

    2002/09/18 at 4:27 pm

    Huzzah! Welcome back, Heather!

  • blogless in dogtown

    2002/09/18 at 9:56 am

    he’s representing and he’s keeping it real

  • Fae

    2002/09/18 at 4:50 pm

    Congrats newly wed *hugs* …we all missed you.

  • Sara

    2002/09/18 at 5:01 pm

    how odd. i added a bookmark to your site only days after you’d stopped updating, and never expected to see any new material come of it.

  • Jane Doe

    2002/09/18 at 5:29 pm

    WELCOME BACK! I missed my regular serving of Dooce-ness.

  • Julie

    2002/09/18 at 6:19 pm

    I just spent the last hour reading your about page, and just wanted to say, you are freakin hilarious. I knew you were popular for a reason. Now I’m glad your back so I can see what all the hub bub was about when you left.

  • Cory

    2002/09/18 at 6:23 pm

    Shit, bitch, shit.

  • Sonnet

    2002/09/18 at 7:04 pm


  • now i know

    2002/09/18 at 7:36 pm

    thank goodness. and thank you.

  • faithy

    2002/09/18 at 10:47 pm

    dude you’re back!
    (lovely wedding pictures btw)

    …but plucking hair is fun…

  • John

    2002/09/18 at 11:10 pm

    Red! Black! White! Heaven!

  • Heather K.

    2002/09/19 at 4:30 am

    Yaaaaaaay! (I love mining my man’s chin in search of the random white hair among the sea of black ones.)

  • Dave Thomas

    2002/09/18 at 10:05 am

    And all this time, I thought I was keeping your bookmark for sentimental reasons. Welcome back.

  • Michael

    2002/09/19 at 6:14 am

    So I accidentilly hit the link, expected nothing, and alas, was pleasantly suprised.

    Welcome back.

  • Lisa

    2002/09/19 at 6:34 am

    Welcome back, Heather! I knew there was I reason I kept your link in my favorites! 🙂

  • Mike

    2002/09/19 at 6:58 am

    Love the new digs. Welcome back! The web was a little more drab without you around to inject some style.

  • kate

    2002/09/19 at 7:21 am

    dj blurb owns a headlamp (cool!)? how ’bout a pith helmet?

    you guys both have the bedside manner of great, insensitive doctors. when readying to tweeze, that is.

    (it’s *really* good to have you back onboard…)

  • ko-pojke

    2002/09/19 at 8:45 am


    that’s spanish for “whoo-hoo, she’s back!”.


  • snarf

    2002/09/20 at 9:08 pm

    I am glad you are back.

  • Rachel

    2002/09/23 at 11:17 pm

    Just joining the choir of voices heralding your return – welcome back 🙂

  • michael

    2002/09/24 at 9:26 pm

    really can’t wait to read about all your new co-workers!

  • Erika

    2002/09/25 at 10:35 am

    So glad you’re back!

    Wait ’til you have to pluck the unruly ear hairs!

  • boo

    2002/09/26 at 5:58 pm

    i missed you. i cried every night for dooce to come back. did you hear my prayers, my screams, my howling at the moon? the world is okay now that you are back. *smooch*

  • kath

    2002/09/18 at 10:14 am

    it’s good to see you back at it. ‘Nuf of that kissin’ stuff.

  • Sarah B.

    2002/09/18 at 10:26 am

    This is precisely why I need to get married. That, and so someone can fasten my bracelets for me.

  • Rony Tako

    2002/09/18 at 10:40 am

    And to think there is more to come: the exchange of back massages, pimple popping, and the ever-so popular conversations on each others bowel movements.

    Glad to see your return: clean and of character.

  • v

    2002/09/18 at 10:41 am

    Great to see you back!

  • Sour Bob

    2002/09/18 at 10:58 am

    Welcome back.

  • Ismat

    2002/09/18 at 11:14 am

    “Ingrown” is a particularly catchy title.

    Oh yeah, and welcome back.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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