Heater, Mother of Lance

West by Northwest

Here is a series of 50 photos taken a little before and during our trip up the coast to Seattle. We took well over 300 photos, many of them completely banal, so I whittled them down to a consumable morsel and tried to put everything in context.

Thank you for reading during this whole stressful relocation. I really hope you like these, you who read this website and you who make viable, useful and sometimes frequent comments. I read every comment left on this site, even the ones where you call me a xenophobic whore-bitch and tell me to bite your ass. Don’t think that I’m so cold that it doesn’t hurt or make me cry on occasion. Usually, however, you all make me giggle. Thank God for you.

  • kathryn

    2002/12/10 at 6:35 pm

    Whittling photos is hard – I always end up with a whole swag of borderline ones.

    Of course it doesn’t help if you start projecting personal feelings about rejection and self worth onto the photos that don’t make it either.

  • Totah DinÈ

    2002/12/10 at 6:37 pm

    Like my momma always says, “The opinions of worthless people are worthless.”

    Keep that in mind and you won’t get hurt *wink*

  • jess

    2002/12/10 at 6:40 pm

    glad to see you’ve arrived safely. all (bazillion) of your sunset shots are gorgeous. also, love the new logo, it’s definitely dooce.

  • Ric

    2002/12/10 at 6:41 pm

    …and thank God for you, Dooce. Can’t wait for pictures from Utah.

  • Steve

    2002/12/10 at 6:42 pm

    Cripes, they make me want to pack everything up and drive out there. Except for the packing everything up. And driving 5000km with no money in my pocket. Other than that, I’m there.

  • Jory

    2002/12/10 at 6:47 pm

    Suddenly feeling very repentant over the whole Versace hair comment.

  • Tippy Did It

    2002/12/10 at 6:49 pm

    Loved the pix. Your hair looks remarkably calm in the T-day photo. Maybe it was the L-trypto? Aaah, and that one of the 405. Unfortunately, all too familiar. Still a very cool shot. I can assure you that the 15 won’t look like that at 2:30…unless of course it’s conference Sunday.

  • dooce

    2002/12/10 at 6:50 pm

    jory: i’m not a pussy. i can take comments about the hair, even welcome them. versace comment was a giggle, for sure.

  • peggy

    2002/12/10 at 7:01 pm

    Cody’s asleep now, but I’m gonna try to get him to look at the pix of Chuck. He really needs a male role model. Still pees like a girl, for instance. Glad you had a safe trip.

  • Broch

    2002/12/10 at 7:04 pm

    Great photos Dooce! You just changed my mind on what kind of digital camera to buy. I almost bought a Canon A40, geesh! I woulda figured out a way to kick my own butt!

  • Sammas

    2002/12/10 at 7:16 pm

    Great photos! I love them, they look really good.

  • Splinter

    2002/12/10 at 7:22 pm

    Beautiful pictures, most of them. And I can tell you really like dogs. Oy.

  • Muraii

    2002/12/10 at 7:30 pm

    I find a good set of deckling sheers whittles photos quite well, if a bit crudely. Then again, most everything I’d take a picture of is crude to begin with, so what’s another abstracted layer of crudeness between total strangers?

  • Nick

    2002/12/10 at 8:03 pm

    Utah, eh? I’m one over in Colorado. Nice pictures, by the way. And good luck to you. If it comes down to it, you can always escape to our place. Colorado has too few people!

  • Leslie

    2002/12/10 at 8:18 pm

    You know cute dogs.

  • Ariel

    2002/12/10 at 8:21 pm

    You make-a me miss my homeland. Sweet Seattle. I will return to thee, homeplace of cockadoodledoo farters.

  • Mr. Blatant Ass-Kisser

    2002/12/10 at 8:29 pm

    Dooce, for as much crap as we ingrates send your way sometimes, you’re still gracious and funny, even when being mean to those who deserve it. So, thanks for sharing and trusting that your readers “get it”. Did you ever think that this many people – an actual audience! – would come to care about your travels and travails, look at all 50 pictures pf your trip through the west, and send you good karma (and dreams of tostadas) everyday in Mormon Utah? Is this all part of some masterplan?

  • jennifer

    2002/12/10 at 8:33 pm

    Fabulous photos. They make me want to be your friend.

  • The Inmate

    2002/12/10 at 8:43 pm

    You can’t let people into your life and not expect a certain degree of gettinghurtedness. But you’re right, most of the time, the balance is positive. Wish more people in the world would figure that one out.

  • The Inmate

    2002/12/10 at 8:45 pm

    Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Call Nikon. I smell a sponsorhip deal.

  • Jory

    2002/12/10 at 9:13 pm

    Whew. And oh shit as well, for your dog’s teeth are whiter than mine.

  • Tara

    2002/12/10 at 9:15 pm

    Love the photos. Any chance we will see some of the drive from Washington to Utah, or some in general of your new hometown? Also, your hair looks beautiful. Not septic-tank poopy at all.

    Other than the moving company fiasco, are you, Jon, and the Former Congressman enjoying your new home?

  • Sarah B.

    2002/12/10 at 9:21 pm

    Whenever I look at your pictures, I think: what the hell am I doing with MY life that’s so great?

  • eggbert

    2002/12/10 at 9:42 pm

    those were nice photos. very nice. thank you for sharing. utah needs the three of you. go make babies, show ’em what’s up. it’s very windy here in la right now btw

  • eggbert

    2002/12/10 at 9:47 pm

    damn. not only were the pictures nice, but the west by northwest and the motherfucking festive graphic kick arse as well. nice to see people not resorting to trendy pixelly graphics. and whatnot. ku-fucking-dos!

  • April

    2002/12/10 at 9:49 pm

    You know that stereotype of a really obnoxious couple or family that takes “oodles” and “oodles” of pictures, get them made into “oodles” and “oodles” of slides, stick them in chronological (I was going to say anal, but then that sounded so wrong) order into a slide projector, aim it at a projection screen (because there’d be no blank walls at that obnoxious couple’s or family’s home; all the walls would be obnoxiously wallpapered), invite all their obnoxious friends, show all the “oodles” and “oodles” of slides, and talk endlessly about their boring trip along the coast, never forgetting a single little boring detail? Well… you are definitely NOT that. Reading your writing is a joy, and viewing your photos is an even bigger joy, most especially with all the commentary. The Dooce show is like one big inside joke among friends, or like one long-running popular sitcom; you can use an irreverent, irrelevant, funny phrase from a previous post–a phrase you’d already made funny because of the context you put it in–and raise the level of humor in the current post up a notch. Your site is a pleasure to visit, and I hope the number of positive comments you get far exceed the number of negative ones. Thank God for YOU. [Side note: gettinghurtedness is a word?]

  • Walter Pinnash

    2002/12/10 at 11:16 pm

    Sunsets and dog pics are nice. Are the pics taken with a digital camera? Great optimization.

  • Chelsea

    2002/12/10 at 11:17 pm

    Fabulous photos!

  • Ex-liontamer

    2002/12/11 at 2:03 am

    That was fun. All I want to do is have puppies with Chuck.

  • ryan

    2002/12/11 at 2:38 am

    Interesting shots, even better commentary 😉

  • Igor

    2002/12/11 at 2:44 am

    I’m actually beginning to change my mind about religion (please don’t let my buddies know I said this).
    Dooce is the second woman I know who is a mormon, or of mormon origin. Both women are seriously beautiful, have a sensational sense of humor and know how to play with words as if it was the garden of God itself. If I have to wear ridiculous underwear to get me a woman like that, dammit I’ll make it look good and wear it with pride !
    Dooce, can I use that first picture, please ? It’s absolutely fabulous. You can print it in one of those “Good living” magazines for interior decorating.

  • bucci

    2002/12/11 at 2:48 am

    I’m sitting here late for work and clicking because I agree, the dooce show is like a great tv show only much much better because it is all real. Missouri SUCKS. I need me some traffic jams, cliffs, and mormons.

  • spike

    2002/12/11 at 3:31 am

    – chuckles is the bestest web-puppy around. plus all his friends are leading my coolest dogs on the net list.
    – dooce takes the bestest pictures. this is by far the one thing i’m most jealous of your site for. alla pix. esp their captions too.

    #26/#27 – Jon’s stand-in Jason Lee

  • Paul Gutman

    2002/12/11 at 3:32 am

    Just wanted to say that anyone who could put xenophobic (big word!) next to whore-bitch (not-so-big words!) must be all right by me.

    And in fact, you are.

  • Zan

    2002/12/11 at 3:36 am

    Wow. The west coast, totally Doocified.

  • amanda

    2002/12/11 at 3:55 am

    You’ve got the best life Dooce. And camera.

  • Zan

    2002/12/11 at 3:59 am

    Dooce, Could I use #34 on an intranet site for a few weeks? It’s beautiful! Full credit will be given to you, of course!

  • Her Highnessness

    2002/12/11 at 4:07 am

    Great photos Dooce! Makes me feel guilty for not using my digital camera enough, or at all. Hope your relocation woes are almost over. You are one of my favourite fellow misanthropes. Keep laughing at everything.

  • Shanni

    2002/12/11 at 4:24 am

    Love the photos – God I miss Northern California! Also, Chuck is so handsome.

  • Jen

    2002/12/11 at 4:28 am

    Awww… warm fuzzies from the Dooce. Happy holiday.

  • Lisa

    2002/12/11 at 4:28 am

    What does xenophobic mean?

    Also, you posted one story (the public restroom fart story) that made me laugh so hard, that I had to print it off and give it my family to read. I love your writing style. You make bodily functions seem classy.

  • galt

    2002/12/11 at 4:32 am

    i love it when sunsets make me feel like I’m looking at hell. but from a safe distance. you got that in #33, methinks. also, i thought you married jon favreau…but I know now what i should have known then…it was Jason Lee all along.

  • Heather #2

    2002/12/11 at 4:40 am

    No, thanks for you. For your honesty. For allowing us all to walk with you, through your struggles, pains, and hardships, and through your laughs, mishaps, and sunny days. For keepin’ it ril. For utilizing your constitutional right to say fucking whatever the fuck you fucking want. For letting me know there are true blue people like you in the world. I know no one like you, miss Dooce. Definitely one of God’s little blessings. In the words of 311, fuck the naysayers.

  • dobbins

    2002/12/11 at 4:46 am

    let us know ahead of time when you might be making a roadtrip to memphis. the unofficial memphis chapter of the dooce fanclub’ll be out looking for the dooce-jon-chuck trio and their nikon coolpix. you know there’s no bar-b-que in utah? happy holidays to the dooce.

  • Antonio Monkerro

    2002/12/11 at 4:52 am

    I wish my hunny would call *me* “bearded” and “scruptious.” Instead, I usually get “Pick up your socks from the floor.”

  • Antonio Monkerro

    2002/12/11 at 4:56 am

    “Scrumptious,” that is. I’m not sure I’d want to be called “scruptious” because I don’t know what it means. And it also sounds slightly sinister.

  • Shannon

    2002/12/11 at 5:15 am

    Good lord, what amazing photos. I’m now convinced that the Nikon Coolpix will be my digital camera of choice.

  • Katherine

    2002/12/11 at 5:38 am

    Great photos! I love reading your site but I’ve never commented before. So here I am. =)

  • Kelly

    2002/12/11 at 5:40 am

    Absolutely *gorgeous* photos. I showed the shot of Bailey’s-drunk-Chuck to one of my dogs and she said, and I quote, “chuckalicious!”

    Wishing you three much peace and happiness as you adjust to your life. 🙂

  • Cindi

    2002/12/11 at 5:52 am

    i’ve been addicted to your site for a few months now. thank god for YOU and all the laughs you bring me in my not-so-exciting work days. hope you like it in Utah…i know i’ll miss it when i leave in a month.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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