An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

West by Northwest

Here is a series of 50 photos taken a little before and during our trip up the coast to Seattle. We took well over 300 photos, many of them completely banal, so I whittled them down to a consumable morsel and tried to put everything in context.

Thank you for reading during this whole stressful relocation. I really hope you like these, you who read this website and you who make viable, useful and sometimes frequent comments. I read every comment left on this site, even the ones where you call me a xenophobic whore-bitch and tell me to bite your ass. Don’t think that I’m so cold that it doesn’t hurt or make me cry on occasion. Usually, however, you all make me giggle. Thank God for you.

  • HappyFunGirl

    Chuckles is just about the sweetest lil’ dog I’ve ever seen. What breed is he, or is he a mutt?

  • nice work on the photos. 🙂 welcome home, again. and at the risk of ridiculous redundancy (eh?), thank god for *you*.

  • Tom

    Love the pics Heather! I know I can always come here for a pretty good laugh, and those pictures are no exception…the captions are great!

  • shy

    are you kiddin’, dooce? when your original site left the world of online journals, i was left with the feeling that the internet has gone to hell! now that you’re back… well, the internet is still in hell, but you make it more tolerable. plus i love your dog… he’s got personality.

  • shy

    oh yeah… happy holiday’s! 🙂

  • You rock.

  • Wow! Chuck’s all growed up!

    Good luck out there Dooce. Remember we can always ship more alcohol in from the outside.

  • Kim

    Lovely lovely lovely. And I am totally in love with your dog. You invariably brighten my day (except on the days you don’t post, and then I feel horribly cheated & bereft of zingy humor that *way* outstrips my own kind-of-limp humor).
    Thank you!
    Happy Holidays!

  • ~Angel

    Mmmm…those were lovely. Thank you.

  • neil

    the yankee hotel foxtrot photo is genius.

  • sorry, no pictures from Washingoton to Utah, as we had to drive a good portion of the trip another elongated 65mph through Oregon.

    Igor: you can use that first picture, but my God, for what?

    Zan: consider #34 yours. use away.

    Dobbins: my 10 year high school class reunion is in 2003. we’ll be taking a long road trip possibly, and staying over for Memphis in May. that should provide us enough BBQ to last a good 40 generations.

    Katherine: welcome!

    HappyFunGirl: Chuck is a SuperMuttô

  • Thank you so much for sharing these Heather. As always, you amaze me.
    Favorite shot: Chuck with the Baileys in his belly.

  • Oooh, look at all the pretty colors. I know I keep saying Jon looks like [insert celebrity name here], but I guess he has one of those faces cause scrumptious, bearded Jon totally looks like Jason Lee.

  • Dooce, this is so not a come-on, unless you want it to be, but you have some seriously gorgeous dark kohl-lined eyes.

  • porkchop

    YHF photo is awesome. Nice work. Hope to see you two sometime soon. Come visit us in Denver.

  • I’ve been reading your site for a few weeks now and loving, loving, loving your style and your stories and this latest entry is just amazing. What gorgeous photos! What wonderful captions! Dooce…wish you guys every happiness in your life together. You’ll make amazing babies!

  • R3

    I love your pictures–they make me want to see the Northwest! Hope your life in Utah is very happy–and all that you want it to be. Get a good lawyer, though, if you get ripped off by that moving company. They shouldn’t get away with robbing you like that.–r3

  • dooce, (i know i’m running the risk of endangering the dooce-anonymity) but i gotta ask: from which high school did you graduate?
    answer or no, we’ll keep an eye out for the trio there in the hungry throngs in May. if you need anything during your stay don’t hesitate to let us know.

  • i enjoyed the pics. and i am not a fan of beards but holy hell, jon is hot!

  • Mmm.. beautiful sunsets, happy drunken puppy, and “scrumptious” breed-worthy counterpart. sigh… you got the life!

  • lee

    That was groovy. And Chuck is so big and manly now.

  • not only is jon hot, but he can also fix things.

  • Girl, I SO know what you mean about that man-fixing-things-aphrodisiac. There’s nothing like a bearded man with a power tool in his pants. I mean hand. In his hand.

  • My beard-growing prowess is rated at moderate to midly impressive. He of hyper-follicles, Jon, has shamed me.

    Even my stronghold — Neil Young-style lambchops — are in question. Now I’ve got to re-evaluate my entire approach to life…

  • I hope I haven’t hurt you or made you cry. You are so motherfucking festive!

  • rd

    Great photos. Didn’t like the indoor ones as much but particularly liked the ones of all the dogs. What exactly is your line of work? PR? Marketing? Graphic design?

  • You make me want to go outside.

  • Beautiful sunset pictures, both of California and those other places in the cold north*g*. California misses you!

  • OK, so if I strip down and fix something, will you come over?

  • beautiful, as always.

    (your photos are always so amazing. i showed, giddily, your wedding shots to a friend who is getting hitched in january and she was like, “are those your friends?” and i was like, “well, no, but aren’t they beautiful?”)

  • oh heather b, the pictures are *beautiful* as always! thank you for sharing those, i thoroughly enjoyed it. i especially like 16, 33, and 49, and all the pics of chuckles of course. awww puppy!

  • Steven

    Your pictures look so great! Do you use any kind of color-enhancing filters? Or are they just resized?

  • DirtyBillLover, when you were referring to “power tool in his pants,” you weren’t referring to Dooce nearly drilling him in the butt, were you? Or were you?

  • So, I love the dog pictures, don’t get me wrong, but do you know any people who don’t own size XXL dogs? I know Dooce-ville is not the kind of place for yippy purse-dogs, I’m just saying….

  • fix things? *gasp* i am stuck with someone who would rather drill nails into his own head than fix something. but at least he’d actually pick up a drill. he’s a “pay the plumber” kind of guy. yay you!

  • April, it was a double entendre, referring to a man’s privates while also playfully referring to the butt-drilling incident. But thanks for asking because I was afraid people might miss that.

  • Every other day or so I come home and tell my wife the latest adventures of the Dooce. You are my favorite potty-mouthed ex-mormon, and I mean it.

  • GH

    Great pics. The Experience Music Project resembles one of those toad-ish spaceships from the Fifth Element.

  • Thanks, DBL, but I really wouldn’t have missed that for the world. I’m known elsewhere for my own double entendres. 😉

  • michelle

    Dooce, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful-artistic-funky photos and your hilarious stories and great writing style. You make my workday.

  • Zan

    Looks like the “mechanically inclined male” topic is taking on a life of it’s own. I hate to pay people for work I can do for myself, even when it means I have to learn something new. I really enjoy it. I never thought anyone thought it was sexy. Maybe my beautiful wife just has her own ideas about it, but in the mean time she has a new sliding glass door out to a 14×20 foot deck, a completely remodeled bathroom, a slplit rail fence, and a tired, but proudly mechanically inclined husband. If you want to see the deck (why not), see

  • I love your old L.A. apartment! It makes me want to decorate….so cozy.

  • Oh, thanks for posting a pic of a Viszla. Since our hounds died (we had two Russian Wolfhounds), we’ve been talking about whose poop we want to pick up next. Vizlas seem cool… though that bark collar wasn’t a good omen! Now to go ask my wife why she doesn’t call me “bearded and scrumptious” (I’d settle for “fuzzy and yummy”).

  • Dooce, if there is someone who does graphics better than you, I’d like to see it. Very cool new logo.

  • Michele

    Thanks for sharing your life with all of us 🙂
    The way you use words and your candid nature makes me feel like you are family. Happy holidays to you and Jon and the mid-sized Chuck. He’s growing up fast…sniff…

  • Igor

    Why do I want that first photo ? The light on the wonderfully polished parket, the atmosphere of a real homely home : dog quizically looking at you, wondering what you’re up to now, fresh flowers, books, the rug on the floor, nice wooden furniture. There’s everything to love.
    Thank you for your kind permission to let me use it. Not-for-profit, strictly self-indulgence. My new home has to be just as warm and welcoming.

  • OMG Dooce, you take an awesome photo.
    Do you give lessons?

  • My wife kicks 7-8 million lbs of ass. I am the luckiest man alive. Jason Lee?

  • Kevin from Seattle

    The Experience Music Project is one of the ugliest things ever made. I remember when I first saw the architect’s model on display a couple three-four years back – I laughed and laughed. The finished product lived up to the model, only more so. Now I’m waiting to see the new library being inflicted on us by Rem Koolhaus when it opens up sometime next year…po-mo architecture just does not belong in the human universe.

    Sorry to rant. Glad things are going well, and thanks for the smokin’ photos.

  • galt

    v.v.f.h.–i made the first Jason Lee comment. I kid because I love. and because i’m jealous. Jealous. your wife probably does kick all that ass. at least her writing does.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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