the smell of my desperation has become a stench

The Loni Anderson Effect

So I’m on the phone with my father last night, and it is reiterated to me as it was throughout my childhood that the two most important things about a woman are her boobs and her cooking.

And so I turn to Jon, my darling husband, and I say, “It’s always the same with him, the boobs and the cooking, can you believe that?”

And Jon looks at me and says, “You know that’s crazy. There’s so much more to you than your boobs and your cooking.”

And I’m like, exactly!

And he says, “But, I really do like your boobs.”

And I say, “You really like my cooking too, right?”

And he says, “Of course. God, I love your cooking.”

And we both pause and think for a second, and then look at each other and say simultaneously, “Maybe it is about the boobs and the cooking.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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