the smell of my desperation has become a stench

For the Love of God!

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided 10 days ago to redesign this website. I figured it defintely needed a change, but more importantly I felt that I needed to abandon my crippling dependency on nested tables and embrace the beauty that is CSS.

Now people, if there ever was a person on this earth who loves nested tables, my God, that person is me. I can take any design, however curvy or transparent or unnecessarily purple and turn it into tables. I cannot possibly extol the virtues of nested tables enough: Car won’t start? Try nested tables. Having trouble in your relationship? Try nested tables. Constipated? I highly recommend nested tables.

So when I sat down and started fiddling with CSS I felt as if I was typing without my hands. And I tried to give up several times, believe me. There were entire hours I spent cussing at the monitor and scaring the shit out of my dog. But my lovely bearded husband, like a concerned family member staging an intervention, wouldn’t let me fall back into my old ways. He’s defintely a keeper.

I’ve also gone back through my pre-Movable Type entries and entered them into Movable Type, perhaps the most time consuming endeavor of the redesign. Every night for the past week I’ve had dreams where I can’t do anything without an opening <div> and a closing </div>. Conversations had to begin with <div id= “conversation”> and end with </div>. There were <div> structures for going up the stairs, feeding the dog, and hitting the snooze button on the alarm, which proved to be the most exhausting because I usually hit the snooze button about 7 times. So in between the 7 <div id= “alarm-snooze”></div> tags there were also 7 <div id= “go-back-to-sleep”></div> tags.

So this website is coded entirely in CSS and, for the most part, validates in XHTML. I say “for the most part” because there are still some tables and old code hanging around in some of the much older entires, and I don’t have the time right now to go under the hood of each of those entries. And I just know that some self-righteous geek out there is going to run my site through a validator, and when it comes back un-validated he’s going to come here and make some snarky comment. And I just know he’ll be from Wisconsin.

To make matters even more frustrating, I couldn’t have picked a worse week to undertake a redesign. In the last 8 days my husband has accepted a job offer, we’ve procured financing for a house, I’ve developed a screaming bladder infection, we’ve found a house to buy, and now we have to haggle with 40 different people over how much and who gets to buy the house. I just needed that little extra anxiety of entering over 600 blog entries into a content management system.

<div id= “relief”> Phew! </div>

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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