An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

For the Love of God!

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided 10 days ago to redesign this website. I figured it defintely needed a change, but more importantly I felt that I needed to abandon my crippling dependency on nested tables and embrace the beauty that is CSS.

Now people, if there ever was a person on this earth who loves nested tables, my God, that person is me. I can take any design, however curvy or transparent or unnecessarily purple and turn it into tables. I cannot possibly extol the virtues of nested tables enough: Car won’t start? Try nested tables. Having trouble in your relationship? Try nested tables. Constipated? I highly recommend nested tables.

So when I sat down and started fiddling with CSS I felt as if I was typing without my hands. And I tried to give up several times, believe me. There were entire hours I spent cussing at the monitor and scaring the shit out of my dog. But my lovely bearded husband, like a concerned family member staging an intervention, wouldn’t let me fall back into my old ways. He’s defintely a keeper.

I’ve also gone back through my pre-Movable Type entries and entered them into Movable Type, perhaps the most time consuming endeavor of the redesign. Every night for the past week I’ve had dreams where I can’t do anything without an opening <div> and a closing </div>. Conversations had to begin with <div id= “conversation”> and end with </div>. There were <div> structures for going up the stairs, feeding the dog, and hitting the snooze button on the alarm, which proved to be the most exhausting because I usually hit the snooze button about 7 times. So in between the 7 <div id= “alarm-snooze”></div> tags there were also 7 <div id= “go-back-to-sleep”></div> tags.

So this website is coded entirely in CSS and, for the most part, validates in XHTML. I say “for the most part” because there are still some tables and old code hanging around in some of the much older entires, and I don’t have the time right now to go under the hood of each of those entries. And I just know that some self-righteous geek out there is going to run my site through a validator, and when it comes back un-validated he’s going to come here and make some snarky comment. And I just know he’ll be from Wisconsin.

To make matters even more frustrating, I couldn’t have picked a worse week to undertake a redesign. In the last 8 days my husband has accepted a job offer, we’ve procured financing for a house, I’ve developed a screaming bladder infection, we’ve found a house to buy, and now we have to haggle with 40 different people over how much and who gets to buy the house. I just needed that little extra anxiety of entering over 600 blog entries into a content management system.

<div id= “relief”> Phew! </div>

  • Don

    Nice design. A really half-ass compliment I know.

  • Oh my god! I am going through that same pain. Last night I was up till 2 AM cursing at my monitor for the fact that I still can’t get my oldest entires converted, and that my template is all in Bloggerian HTML and I know nothing about CSS yet. Oy. I ended up having nightmares about unending progress bars and broken code.

    Oh, and while I am from Wisconsin, I promise to never, ever, on pain of death and dismemberment, run your site through a validator.

  • Preach it. I’ve been redoing my blog because I’m moving to MT, and I still can’t let go of the tables. I love the tables. The tables are God, and I am still faithfull.


  • Hmmm. I’ve dreamed in versions of C and in classic NES Tetris, but thats about the extent of it. And frankly I think thats personally reasonable. This of course seems totally odd to me as the whole ‘reading’ thing is a funtion opposite to where dreams come from. Whom I to argue though. (I love this btw – Site looks rocken like dokken)

  • now you get to have BABIES!

  • Beautifully done! I missed the super old stuff–the mastheads, the “how to charm me” sidebar things–and I’m glad to see them back and so well organized using MT’s multiple-blog-in-one-blog feature. You’re an inspiration. It was worth all the work, trust us.

  • 3 words:
    So. worth. it.

  • Love the new layout!

  • liqidclark

    I usually just read and never, never post–but holy shit. Redesign good. Good, I say.

  • You’re a better woman than I, as I’ve often said I’m going to redesign m’blog, but always seem to find good reasons not to. The CSS thing being one of them.

    (I should note I’m not a woman, so you had a distinct advantage going into the competition anyway …)

  • Dooce, thank GOD your back. I was getting the shakes, suffering withdrawls and the methodooce they gave me at the clinic was don’t any good. I mainlined a twinkie infused with Kettle One, but it didn’t do a bit of good.

    Love the new site design and, like others, am delighted at the return of your right hand side menu.

    Good luck with closing on the house.

  • …and it’s obvious that when I’m getting over DWS (Dooce Withdrawl Syndrome) that my grammer, spelling, and proofreading gets all shot to hell!

  • You are my favorite fucking fuck friend, like, ever.

  • shy
  • very nice job! the site looks great and i’m glad to see the sidebar!

  • Neato, peaches!

  • I, too, have a sickening dependency/addiction to nested tables. One day I will have to kick the habit, as I know that they’re not good for me and I might develop some kind of terminal illness. I wonder if I could sue the nested table companies?

  • If there were ever a day I needed to have your website return today was it–THANK YOU! I don’t know what 90% of what you said means, but knowing it’s what you used to create the site tells me it’s pretty kick-ass stuff. Looks fabulous!

  • I love it. Sooooo glad your’re back.

  • S

    … and that you can spell better than I.

  • dvl

    blah blah blah… Dooce has a new format… blah blah blah… SHE’S BACK!!!

  • Fucking beautiful!

  • Glovia

    You’re always going and outdoing yourself. Wow. How to Charm/Annoy Me is totally the best of blog extras. Thanks for bringing it back.

  • Damn slick, welcome back!

  • Oh Dooce, you rock! Go girl, go!

    The XHTML+CSS path to happiness is painful, but it’s gotta beat that nested table stuff. Faster loading, better doc structure, etc.

    Shit fire and save the matches!

  • galt

    damn. you’re awesome, what with this herculean re-design task undertaken w/ all the other crap going on in your life. amazing. and this new design is, as we say in wisconsin, five-star fabulous. in conclusion, and to reiterate, damn.

  • Bill from Wisconsin

    Yeah, um, like your design is great and all, but it doesn’t validate in XHTML. I’m gonna need you to fix that, mmkay.

  • Nelle

    Yay for the return of the sidebar and the “how to” comments! They were always what kept me coming back.

  • glen

    Here’s a great benefit of table less layouts- I added your site as an Avantgo favorite and it looks great on my PDA. I even posted this comment from it while off line. Way to go, Doole !

  • Ms Dooce, I’ve missed you so! Wicked new layout…makes me crave alcohol…mmmmmm allllcoooohoooollll

  • Elvis Pepper

    like the martinis. like the sidebar.

    you have proven that you can give teal tiles and still be liked.

    good to see you back

  • Naz

    Word dawg. Shite’s tight. Fo’ shizzle. (this is what happens when you watch Snoop on VH1’s Rock the House).

  • Ditto ditto ditto to all (or most) of the above. It looks so yummy.

    Am in the midst of redesigning using all CSS too and am pulling out hair. Dooce, (or any experienced CSS writers out there) can you recommend a good resource? I have tons of info but it’s almost *too* much and if there is one good book or website that really helped you could you let me know?

  • Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. You reign supreme over the evil div tag!

  • Hurrah! I was starting to get resentful that you were gone, which is very unworthy of me.

    Sucks about the bladder infections… I get ’em lots. My very first one came when I was in 7th grade, and my mom explained to me that you get them from butt sex. Umm… mom? I’m in 7th grade.

    Don’t know what she was doing in her younger years, but it freaked me out permanently.

    Dooce, you need to PING so I know when to come and worship you. You’re relegated to the non-pingers on my blogroll, and that’s not a fun place to live.

  • Please forgive me… but I always thought the husband designed this blog ever since I saw your logo in his portfolio!

  • Site looks freakin’ awesome, dooce. Hell. Yeah.

  • Slocore

    I don’t know why but your site isn’t displaying properly in my IE explorer 6.0. or IE 5.0. The sidebar is at the bottom of the page instead of the top. It looks fine in Netscape 7 though. It seems like I’m the only one. What’s my freakin problem!

  • First, as always, your site rocks the casbah. But, I long for the “Women Who Make Me Question My Sexuality” or whatever it was where you had those kick-ass collection of photos of Kirsten Dunst and at least two other hotties.

  • I’m in the middle of the same, Dooce. I feel your pain. I was hitting the snooze button last week and dreaming that I was “rebuilding my site.” I was feeling discouraged, but you’ve inspired me. Time to snort some Ritalin and drink a case of Mountain Dew and get my redesign launched! Thanks for the recharge.

  • Marie

    Uh – not alone, slocore. Doesn’t display right here either (not even on Netscape 7.0), the “side bar” becomes a bottom bar, for one – and I get a javascript error.
    On the bright side, the layout looks like it would be fabulous if displayed correctly! But I can’t figure out why it won’t…

  • lkm in texas

    Every day I would check only to find no dooce update. I got so depressed, I had to seek medical treatment. Now I can throw out the Prozac! She is back! Don’t go away again without checking with my doctor first!

  • speedo

    Can we still say “poop” on this beautiful new design?

  • Beautiful new design! You should be very proud of yourself.

  • Angelique

    Mmmm….. fan.
    Oh goddess of blog, please let us not be without your presence ever again…. lead us not into the realm of non-dooced-ness… but deliver us from our banal work days and our trite 15 minute breaks…. ohm to dooce….oooohhhmmmmmmmm.

  • I’m glad you’re back; the new design is spiffy. I myself build a happy relationship of tables and css in my layouts (not the horrible one I have up now, though). I’ve been dreaming in html and css for the past week now. It’s kind of amusing. Oh, by the way, I’m Lorelei. I don’t believe I’ve posted a comment here before.

  • dammitdave

    Hey the site now looks like…like…um, every other newly designed site.


  • i’ve tested it on IE 5 and 6 and Netscape 7 on PC and it works fine on my crappy Dell machine with Windows 2000. Marie, what’s your operating system and resolution set to?

    dammitdave, what does your site look like?

  • I love this new layout. And I’m so glad you brought back the old little bits of content like “how to charm me” haha. i missed those.

  • nicely done dooce, it’s beautious.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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