opossums
flying cockroaches
denim couches
acrylic nails
gold lam�
tornadoes
Andy Rooney
tabasco
Arkansas
black ice
anything under the hood of a car
exercise balls
swamps
TRL
Ross Dress For Less
short, stubby toes
gigantic panties
Code Red Mountain Dew
eels
wicker
treadmills
club soda
prunes
penciled eyebrows
berets
lizards
glass elevators
mushy peas
baloons
Pamela Anderson’s breasts
cats in heat
swollen ankles
dentures
plaid
Willy Wonka
The Day After
Prev March 19, 2003
Pinkie
2003/03/19 at 9:15 amThe pencilled in eyebrows look scares me too. Specifically because it makes them look like clowns and clowns scare me.
Wow, am I the first post?
Tim
2003/03/19 at 9:19 amBut… but… the martini glasses were so sexy.
imjeffp
2003/03/19 at 9:23 am>balloons
>Pamela Anderson’s breasts
Isn’t this redundant?
lordgoon
2003/03/19 at 9:27 amMy ancestors in England used to eat mushy peas at least once a day, and they all seem to have turned out all right. Er…wait, though…they also used to eat ‘trotters’ (picked pigs’ feet wrapped in terrycloth) whenever they went to the movies. Okay, so…never mind.
I’m with you about Andy Rooney. Even just watching him on TV, you can smell the formaldyhyde.
julia
2003/03/19 at 9:28 ammy list is strikingly similar. although a couple of my items are like clusters of your items. for example: andy rooney wearing gold lame and a beret while lounging on a plaid denim couch, drinking a code red mountain dew while watching the day after while petting a cat in heat.
see? scary stuff right there.
ericalynn
2003/03/19 at 9:30 amI’m totally there with you regarding Willy Wonka.
Croz
2003/03/19 at 9:41 amHow about an opossum with acrylic nails, wearing denim and lame, that had eyebrows like Andy Rooney and a hat like Willy Wonka?
Okay, that would be scary too.
Micheal Jackson
2003/03/19 at 9:44 amall that, and i didn’t even make the list…
Michael Jackson
2003/03/19 at 9:45 amand i didn’t spell my name right.
Keri
2003/03/19 at 9:46 amDo you mean Willy Wonka the character or Willy Wonka the movie? Because, you know, when they take the boat through that tunnel, that was some pretty scary stuff. But Willy Wonka himself wasn’t that scary…
Broch
2003/03/19 at 9:46 amIronically, most things on the list are things that one would encounter on a weekend trip to Memphis, Little Rock, Dallas, well hell, any place south of the Mason Dixon line…
Danika
2003/03/19 at 9:49 amSnakes
Carrot Top
christa
2003/03/19 at 9:50 amI’m afraid of Willy Wonka (the character) too.
Alex
2003/03/19 at 9:59 am– My mother’s tattooed eyebrows (which are done way to high so she looks constantly surprised)
– My mother’s tattooed lipliner
– My mother’s constant bad perms
– Eh, what the hell, my mother!
April
2003/03/19 at 10:01 amUm. Okay. Stupid question. What’s TRL?
Heather #2
2003/03/19 at 10:05 amI make a solemn vow in front of God and all dooce.com readers never wear sandals in your presence, lest you become shitless.
Carrie
2003/03/19 at 10:05 amWhat about those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz? (shudder) Personally, I found them much more creepy than Willy Wonka, but to each her own, right?
The Inmate
2003/03/19 at 10:05 am1. I think it’s spelled “Yuppie”. As in, not like “Puppy”.
2. What’s up with asking for my e-mail address? I don’t want to give my e-mail address to anyone. Particularly not to some of the nutcases that show up in here!
Bruce
2003/03/19 at 10:08 amBushes
dooce
2003/03/19 at 10:13 amApril: TRL is Total Request Live
Inmate: Thanks for the spellcheck.
Heather #2: I bet I would adore your fucking toes!
The Inmate
2003/03/19 at 10:20 amWow that was quick. I don’t expect anyone to redo graphics that fast. Hats off, Dooce. I just couldn’t leave it well enough alone….glass-half-empty, overcritical bastard that I am.
windowsill wendy
2003/03/19 at 10:22 amanna nicole smith
spiders
‘trotters’
in that order. yikes.
jenB
2003/03/19 at 10:24 am– tiny panties
– acid wash demin making a comeback
– any sitcom on ABC
Stephanie
2003/03/19 at 10:40 amYes, yes, yes – That goddamn The Day After! If I had never seen that, I truly believe I’d be a much more carefree girl right now. I’d like to give the producers a good cockpunching random panic scenes from that movie that flash in my head every time someone tells me to “go about my daily routine”.
rickster
2003/03/19 at 10:56 amIsn’t it interestng that “balloons”, “Pamela Anderson’s Breasts”, and “Cats in Heat” are all in a row??
nick
2003/03/19 at 10:57 amoh – no, don’t knock the dew. code red is sweet, sweet nectar.
anna jr.
2003/03/19 at 11:05 amdude, i just moved to arkansas.
and it’s really not so bad at all.
kind of like utah, i’m guessing.
as far as things that scare me go, the number one thing on my list is vomit.
Funtime Ben
2003/03/19 at 11:07 amI’m scared by the little granules on the bottom of English Muffins.
ms lauren
2003/03/19 at 11:17 ami’m deathly afraid of fish, eating fish, fish in fishtanks where i eat, fish touching me in the water, fish in lakes, fish gills, and fish bric-a-brac.
i can’t believe someone asked what TRL is! (*flips hair*)
Beerzie Boy
2003/03/19 at 11:19 amPeople who use the word “utilize” or “plethora”
ms lauren
2003/03/19 at 11:19 amby the way, i can spread my short stubby toes like a fan.
it’s pretty fucking weird.
Beerzie Boy
2003/03/19 at 11:24 amOh, yeah. Richard Simmons.
black b
2003/03/19 at 11:36 amdooce, you left off those creepy bugs that your dashing husband almost ate.
bugs. all bugs. flip me the freak out.
also clowns.
Jon
2003/03/19 at 11:36 amOn Pam’s noticeable features – is that before or after the implants were taken out?
They hypnotize me, they do.
dayna
2003/03/19 at 11:36 amraisins.
raisins are terrifying little grape gremlins.
*eeeeek*
Tiff
2003/03/19 at 11:36 amThat isn’t really a post by Michael Jackson is it??? Holy Shit if it is…I knew you were great and popular, but the King of Pop…you the WOMAN!
Cyberangel
2003/03/19 at 11:38 amLeona Helmsley
Anne
2003/03/19 at 11:39 amI whole-heartedly agree with the acrylic nails… and I’ll bet there’s a host of Doocers (readers of Dooce, that is) that are shamefully off to dispose of their fake freaky nails where the evidence can’t be found.
sourbob
2003/03/19 at 11:51 amDooce, don’t forget:
Your AP English teacher.
andrew
2003/03/19 at 11:54 amI saw my first opossum a year or so ago here in Chicago. Holy crap! I almost called the cops cause it was so scary ugly. Nobody warned me. And you know what’s scary about wicker? Flying cockroaches can hide in them! I grew up in Hawaii and so I know…Wow I just creeped myself out remembering.
mervis
2003/03/19 at 12:06 pmSinking ships. Anchors.
jacqui
2003/03/19 at 12:10 pm*shudder* gold lamé. oh my god freak flashback to tasteless 80s fashion. you are sooo right with that. and what about people who speak in “quotes”? they really need a slapping…
annie j.
2003/03/19 at 12:22 pmThe Day After should be required watching material in school.
Agatha
2003/03/19 at 12:27 pmWhat about JAP-ee girls? They scare the bejeezus out of me.
Toby
2003/03/19 at 12:28 pmMy God. I’m high and totally digging your new layout. Oh man. It’s like grandma’s house!
~Britt~
2003/03/19 at 1:07 pmDid you ever see Sixteen Candles w. Molly Ringwald?
The above artwork, I keep thinking of that line when the older sister is whacked out on valium b/c she got her period on her wedding day, and she’s walking down the aisle and almost collapses on this old lady and she says “love the tea pot”
Naaman
2003/03/19 at 1:10 pmI swear, each time my wife drags me into Ross, I want to put a paper bag over my head and grab my wooby.
allisonic
2003/03/19 at 2:00 pmWhat about chenille?
Heather #2
2003/03/19 at 2:07 pmDude. Britney is totally going to crawl out of the computer and lick my face.
Dooce, were you coming onto me with the whole adorable toes thing? ‘Cause, like, that’d be ok.
Thomas
2003/03/19 at 2:15 pmHey, Broch. Here’s a big “Up yours!” from everyone in Memphis.