An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Zombie College

While rummaging through our storage unit last night looking for some paperwork, I stumbled across this gem sitting in a box of files:

The photo was taken the first day I was on BYU campus, late August 1993. I’d always hated having my picture taken, but that day I had on my special grumpies for the overall-wearing, sickeningly precious Relief Society president behind the camera.

I had to wait in line for over 4 hours for that picture, only to get to the front of the line and have some chipper, cocksucking Ken doll tell me that, my goodness, I didn’t have all my paperwork filled out, could I please come back when I had everything ready. I informed him in no uncertain terms that unless he wanted to witness a live and graphic demonstration of someone losing their religion, he had better let me get my damn picture taken.

This ID card brings back a lot of bad memories, many of them involving roommates who felt compelled to remind me that God’s Disciples smile and that I had better hop to it. I usually hopped to stealing a pair of their panties, soaking them in water and sticking them in the freezer on top of the Otter Pops.

Don’t you think that if rogue regimes saw more pictures like this one that they’d think, God, these people have it bad enough, who needs terrorists?

  • my first id was lame, but i went back to school a few years ago, and took a total hard ass picture. i love that one.

  • reminds me of my first trip to the BMV. crappy license pic to boot.

    at least on my college ID i look like a barbie doll. oddly, even without a chipper smile, it’s the best pic of me ever taken.

  • hodsanders

    Gotta love those idots at BYU. Back in the 80’s you had to get a new sticker on the back of your card each semester. As I approached the table at the Marriott Center to get my new sticker I was confronted by some behived old bitty and told I couldn’t get my new card because I “wasn’t wearing socks”. I immediately told her it was ok because I wasn’t wearing underwear either and walked right past her.

  • EC

    Yikes. So, when were you introduced to tweezers? I think the anger furrow made them look thicker…or, maybe it was the dark eyeliner. You know, you look a little “Goth” in that picture. If you’d had been wearing black, that’s what I would have thought. Are “Goths” (ok, I don’t know the real term) allowed at BYU?

  • Mine:

    I must have been one of God’s Disciples, because I sure was smiling.

  • mand

    Quite frightening I must say. The pic and the words.

  • bkd&e

    We miss you. Our flight was good, no puking or blow outs. No what does this have to do with your college id? Well, we are on the net, wanted to let you know we are on the net, and we were thinking of you. love, bdk&your man E.

  • robley

    mine is of the left side of my head, because at the exact moment the picture was taken my attention span had completely depleted, and i was looking at the shiny walls.

    good thing i’ve spent a total of one year at 5 different colleges. so very many IDs.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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