Heater, Mother of Lance

I Know That This Is Probably Not The Grossest Thing You’ve Ever Seen, But . . .

It should come pretty damn close.

This is what happens when there is no Spring and the dog loses his entire winter coat IN ONE DAY all over the kitchen floor.

You’re welcome to click on the image to see a larger version, but you might end up walking around with that visual in your head for a while, and that might be as horrifying as walking around barefoot in our kitchen.

62 Comments
  • the husband

    2003/05/24 at 3:22 pm

    I never walk in, through or around the kitchen.

  • Jacob

    2003/05/24 at 3:22 pm

    That reminds me of when I cut my own hair in the bathroom.

  • Donna

    2003/05/24 at 3:24 pm

    You could make some crazy Guatemalan-style knitted hat with that – really!

  • Neil

    2003/05/24 at 3:42 pm

    I need some context for this one.

  • Scott

    2003/05/24 at 3:43 pm

    Sort of reminds me of the time years ago when I brushed our Siamese cat with one of those metal dog brushes. I ended up with this wad of gray hair bigger than my fist. When I showed the hairball to the cat she grabbed it and started licking it, so I took it away from her.

  • Graham

    2003/05/24 at 3:46 pm

    I swear I’ve seen that at a modern art gallery.

  • mykull

    2003/05/24 at 4:03 pm

    you should enter it in an art contest.

  • Erica

    2003/05/24 at 4:06 pm

    Okay, ew.

  • PJ

    2003/05/24 at 4:07 pm

    I think, if I squint, I see bird eggs in there.

  • sheila

    2003/05/24 at 4:26 pm

    First thought: Utahn tumbleweed.

  • Kaetchen

    2003/05/24 at 4:32 pm

    Welcome to my world. I have a long-haired black cat. Now imagine my sheets. Ew.

  • koOky

    2003/05/24 at 4:34 pm

    looks like my old teacher’s hair when her wig fell off

  • Kyle

    2003/05/24 at 5:11 pm

    what’s your kitchen floor made out of?

  • tracy

    2003/05/24 at 5:21 pm

    Replace the blonde with black and that’s my parent’s dining room after a kitty fight. Brushing Chuck daily during his peak shedding times might help keep some of it off your floor. Rather time consuming, though.

  • Broch

    2003/05/24 at 5:54 pm

    Horrifying! I bet you could sell it on ebay though!

  • Laura

    2003/05/24 at 5:57 pm

    Before I cut my hair two weeks ago, I might have seen that on my own floor. The difference being that I would have had to look at it in horror and think, “I did that.”

  • Zandria

    2003/05/24 at 6:20 pm

    I think that’s a big part of why I’ve never gotten a dog. I like them okay, but you really have to be a “dog-person” to put up with the hair, and the smells, and the taking them outside to do their business and out for walks. If you love dogs then I’m sure it’s all worth it though..maybe one day.

  • chelsea

    2003/05/24 at 6:34 pm

    the reason why i wont permit my dogs inside.

  • Adam

    2003/05/24 at 7:16 pm

    Mmmm.

    Tasty.

  • Wimbledon Wannabee

    2003/05/24 at 7:32 pm

    Some people are born with hairy floors. Others have hairy floors thrust upon them…… But dogs & cats spend a lifetime striving for it! 🙂

    BTW… Dooce, I only discovered your blog very recently. Already, I am an ardent admirer. I totally agree with Melissa’s statement: “I am in awe of your ability to tell a story and turn a phrase, and at the same time left feeling entirely inadequate by your wit. Amazing.” ….. DITTO!

  • ms lauren

    2003/05/24 at 9:36 pm

    okay that’s just gross. that is exactly why i have to love dogs from a distance.

  • kath

    2003/05/24 at 9:37 pm

    Gee, I don’t know how that could horrify anyone who has ever lived with a cat or dog. I used to pull much more than that out of my dog every time I brushed her. I know people who spin dog hair and knit with it.

    That said, when I opened the large pic, I got a really big chill up and down my arms. What’s that all about?

  • christine

    2003/05/24 at 11:15 pm

    Spinning dog hair? Yuck. Reminds me of a Spongebob ep where SB knits Squidward a sweater made of eyelashes for homemade gift exchange day at work. I laugh and laugh every time I see that one. Oh, puhlease!

  • Pat

    2003/05/25 at 1:46 am

    people ask me all the time why i hate dogs and cats. i love dogs and cats deep fried,stir fried, bbqd,its all good

  • Naaman

    2003/05/25 at 2:00 am

    Your dog sheds straw.

  • lucky penny

    2003/05/25 at 4:17 am

    I used to, ugh,‘see’ this married redhead, and every couple of months—-being the fastidious SOB that I am—-I’d provide a good clip job of her southern border.
    Your picture provided disturbingly vivid reverie of this very practice: thanks.

  • antisocialdiva

    2003/05/25 at 5:19 am

    i have 3 cats and 1 beagle and the dust mop has become my best friend over the years. *nods* i feel your pain. 🙂

  • Mark

    2003/05/25 at 5:34 am

    We measure the dirtiness of the house in “cat equivalents.” It is time to clean (far past!) when there is the equivalent in fur of one cat on the stairs.

  • Chrissy

    2003/05/25 at 5:55 am

    God, that reminds me of my cat. I’ve been told I should actually vacume the cat to get the extra fur off. Hmm….

  • caroline

    2003/05/25 at 8:20 am

    oh…you’ve taken the pic down! I came back for a second look.

  • vibegrrl

    2003/05/25 at 8:24 am

    Where is it?!!? I wanna see!!!

  • christine

    2003/05/25 at 9:07 am

    No, it’s amazing that you have found it interesting enough to blog about it. lol

  • kojotovski

    2003/05/25 at 9:23 am

    Christine… What can I say? I simply adore you.

  • Julie

    2003/05/25 at 9:56 am

    Hint: If you want a dog, poodles do not shed..

    Also, where the heck is the pic?

    /me wants to see…

  • Wimbledon Wannabee

    2003/05/25 at 10:12 am

    Dooce, there should be no mystery as to why the gruesome dog hair generated such abundant response. Not only “is a picture worth a thousand words” it also ELICITS a thousand words!

    BTW…Anyone who knits ANYTHING out of doghair (or eyebrows, mustache hair, etc., etc.) has WAY too much free time on their hands.

  • Ivy

    2003/05/25 at 10:37 am

    What the hell are we looking at?

  • Ivy

    2003/05/25 at 10:39 am

    By that question I meant, I ain’t got not picture to refer my disgust to.

  • mike.c.

    2003/05/25 at 11:05 am

    remember… it’s all about the love.

  • Carla Beth

    2003/05/25 at 11:53 am

    Yesterday my cat Thomas had a THIRD of his coat removed during a three-minute brush session. The backyard was a SWIRL of white fur clumps, much to the awe of my three other cats, who both feared and admired my grooming abilities. Daisy the dog was NONE too thrilled when the wind shifted the fur dustbunnies in her direction, plastering her BLACK coat with Thomas’s white furry leavings. :o)

  • buscadores

    2003/05/25 at 11:58 am

    its all good…

  • jen

    2003/05/25 at 12:18 pm

    It could be worse…it could be a hairball from your cat

  • christine

    2003/05/25 at 12:31 pm

    *Now* it makes sense. (about the comment becoming the post) I just didn’t understand why you would be amazed that we would be commenting on the dog hair. You know your readers better than that! 😉

  • r3

    2003/05/25 at 3:48 pm

    If you think that hair-ball is bad, try living with a black lab (little black needles over everything) and 2 collies….and a cat to boot.–r3

  • Boomer

    2003/05/25 at 4:30 pm

    You haven’t seen anything until you’ve lived with a part huskie. No animal sheds like a huskie in the spring. That pic up there is just a little dust bunny! 😀

  • Kate

    2003/05/25 at 4:59 pm

    The question remains: what does the dog think of this?

  • Zach

    2003/05/25 at 6:07 pm

    We have two dogs…imagine that.

  • Kristine

    2003/05/25 at 6:30 pm

    Actually, the grossest thing I’ve ever seen related to dogs is the regurgitated lamb’s lung that my mom’s dog, Sally, puked in my car on the way home from Half Moon Bay today. I guess since she’d never seen the ocean before she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to drink THE ENTIRE THING. Sigh.

  • pretty_paranoia

    2003/05/25 at 7:00 pm

    i find that on my floor everyday and i dont own a pet.

    i cant touch my head without getting multiple strand coming out.

  • maryduan

    2003/05/25 at 8:17 pm

    I can almost smell the odor of Fritos wafting from the pile of hair.

  • Renee

    2003/05/25 at 8:51 pm

    Whoa…how BIG is this thing?! I can’t tell. Maybe I don’t want to know…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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