An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Eat Your Heart Out, Trading Spaces

  • m.d.


  • Many congratulations! On the nicely-done room, sure-sure… but for a reason to change it all again in seven months – Yay! 😀

  • Nice job! I’m stuck painting the inside of the house, and we’ve already blown far more than $300 on “Ice Blue” latex paint from the Home Depot.

  • Spanky

    Congrads 😉

  • vilde

    My first comment, and what a nice one, too: Congratulations!!

  • Eeek!!! Your pregnant!! Yea!! Oh my god! I can’t wait! I’m so excited for you!

    (I hope it’s a girl)

    See, it wasn’t bloating afterall! (per your ‘How to Charm Me.’) What a very lucky baby he/she will be…

  • That’s great! I’m so happy for you & the Husband!

    Keep the rocking chair. Trust me on this one.

  • Congrats!

  • Congrats!!!!! Babies are gifts from god, you’re whole life is going to change for the better. It will be bumpy but the destination is heaven.

  • that absolutely rocks. congratulations 🙂

  • Erika

    congratulations! A mini Dooce… all the poop!

  • oh my god! yay! i know how much you’ve been wanting this! congratulations, heather! *big kisses*

  • get back to work Jim

    Here is the scariest thing about having children

    Congrats Dooce!

  • good grief. i can’t believe we all get to follow a dooce pregnancy online. i will be checking in obsessively. mazel tov!

  • Congratulations! That’s wonderful! And the room looks fan-tiddly-tastic!

  • lee

    Holy shit. That is so kick ass. Congrats, babe.

  • Lara

    I KNEW IT!!!!

    Congrats grrl!!! AWESOME!

  • pd

    I can’t wait for the baby bootie photo montage.

    Congratulations, Dooce!

  • woo-hoo for reproduction! congratulations, dooce!

  • get back to work Jim

    I just love the Utah Baby Namer
    If it is a girl – Chatruce Dooce
    If it is a boy – Zeus Dooce

  • Jen

    Great way to sneak that in there. Congratulations. I think that’s kind of an odd thing to say when you’re having a baby, but everyone else said it so it must be right, somehow.

  • Sara, Brad and George

    Heather, Did you see the big plane that flew into the apartment building on Spaulding and Rosewood!! ?? Only one block closer and it would have gone right into Leroy! CRAZY! Did they show it on the news in Utah? Are you allowed news from other states???? let me know. kiss chuck for me!

  • OMG, Congratulations!!!

    I’m picturing blonde, curly-haired babies with big, fuzzy beards.

  • Here is a tip from The Honey Bear: kids of all ages and sexes LOVE the Honey Bear. Buy your child a stuffed Honey Bear. It is kinder than buying a live Honey Bear like me, and cost less, too. But don’t be fooled by thoses bitches Teddy Ruxpin and Winnie the Pooh; they are not honey bears, but on the contrary, they are my enemies. I swear, if I see that fucker Winnie again and I’m gonna smash 40 ounces of Misery over his head. Congratulations on your impregnation and teach the little human child to hate Winnie the Pooh and Teddy Ruxpin and to love HONEY BEAR.

  • BABY DOOCE!! How exciting. Hurrah!

  • man, are we ever gonna get blessed with gobs of poop stories.

    chuck is gonna be so jealous.

  • ~Angel

    I’ve never been happier for someone I don’t know!

  • The handsome bearded virile Armstrong must be so pleased with his potent little wigglers. Best to the four of you (including Chuck, of course.)

  • i assume you already have the book “everyone poops.”

    well, everyone but you dooce. but regardless, if you do not, it would be my pleasure to send a copy to you as a baby gift and sincere thanks for all the countless hours of procrastination you have provided over the last year.

    hell, if stories of your dog, utah, and constipation have been that much fun, i CAN”T WAIT for pregnancy and baby stories. talk about material!

  • Welcome to the club, Heather.

  • primaprimate

    DaRhonda Dooce?
    DarmaLu Dooce?
    ahh… my fave D’Bessoudo Dooce. assuming it’s a grrrlll…
    rather assuming of me!
    Zoochie Dooce? That sounds frighteningly close to that song on Jay and Silent Bob… Jeddi Nephi Dooce? I’m having WAY too much fun. almost makes you wish you were mormon… well…
    Congratulations and all the best. And beautiful room… but can’t wait to see it in 7 mos. Nor to hear about the fiascos that ensue when you redo it… stay away from paint cans stored in hi places!

  • Wow, dooce! I am so excited for you. The world needs more hip mamas… check out the Web site

  • Congrats, Dooce. I predict that room will not last as a guest room for a whole seven months. Those nesting hormones will probably kick in sometime around September… I wish for you an easy and uneventful pregnancy.

  • Pat

    may you have a trouble free pregnancy and a pain free birth ps love the room

  • Congrats!! I am very happy for you. You’ll have a beautiful family!

  • Congratulations! (and the guest room looks great, too)

  • I just loved that you made the annoucement to the world by showing something you peed uponst. CONGRATULATIONS!

  • Awesome! I have to agree with Angel and say that I have never been so happy for someone I didn’t know! Yay, babies!!

  • Los Feliz freak

    While I’m thrilled for you personally, Dooce, I mourn the thought of this site turning into a font of gurgling baby photos and baby poop stories. Please promise you’ll spare us that.

  • louisegyrl


  • Sue

    Congratulations! I’ve been waiting for the blessed day! If only if we can read your humourous accounts of being up the duffer (aussie for being pregnant)

  • Kat


  • I’m *such* a tard. I was baffled as to why you posted a picture of a toothbrush. It wasn’t until comment no.38 that I figured it out. Congratulations.

  • I_is_here

    Congratulations! You go girl. Best wishes. You gonna be the coolest mom on the block.

  • I_is_here

    p.s. don’t pin the kid with some weird name though. And if it’s a boy, promise you won’t dress him up like Little Lord Fauntleroy in green velvet shorts and ruffled shirt. I had an aunt that did that to one of my cousins….poor kid.


  • it’s about time! hope her hair isn’t septic tank poopy red. i’m really thrilled for you.

  • Mervis

    Mazal Tov!

  • natalie

    a baby…how wonderful! congratulations! and nice going on the room, by the way…

  • Suzyn

    good news on the baby. bad news for the budweiser.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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