An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Someone Give Me a Cookie, I Made It Through One Month

Leta was born four weeks ago this morning. I cannot possibly tell you how significant this is, as I honestly didn’t think I would ever make it past the four day mark. To celebrate, Jon and I are going to get sushi on Friday night as my mom takes care of Leta, and it will be the first time I have had raw fish in over 10 months. Nothing says Happy Birthday Baby! like fresh water eel breath. I can’t wait to see her diapers on Saturday.

Yesterday morning Leta smiled at me four times. It made me cry, which isn’t necessarily significant considering that her poop makes me cry, but she smiled with her mouth wide open and her eyebrows raised. I had read that she should be smiling at me by the fourth week, and at the end of last week I was sweating bullets that she might not reach this milestone on time. What if she never smiles? What if we’ve given birth to a smileless baby? Can a smileless baby get into college?

And then boom, she smiled all of a sudden, not once or twice but four times in a row. I spent the rest of the day breastfeeding and downloading applications for early entrance into several Ivy League schools.

Happy One Month, Leta!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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