Taking it to the Next Level On My Plate Down the Pike on the Spreadsheet

This is my cousin George. He has facial hair:

I promised him I would post his picture here. I think he secretly wants to get kicked out of BYU. COME TO THE DARK SIDE, GEORGE. Now it’s his turn to return the favor and donate to this website all the money he would have spent on pot were he not Mormon and a worthy BYU student. Pay up, Georgie.

I want to thank you all for your suggestions and input on how to make this website better. I’m really happy that there was minimal talk of nude pics and that the whole discussion didn’t devolve into attacking my character. I’d say it was the most constuctive set of comments on this site I’ve ever had, save for the vagina discussion which could single-handedly solve the vagina-naming crisis that is plaguing the world. And just so you know, we decided that we’re going to call the vagina a Bunky. If we ever have a scond child (ha ha, hahahaaha, HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH), and that child is a boy, we will call his penis his Bunker.

Jon and I have done a lot of talking over the past couple days (again with the talking! GOD! enough already!), and here are some of the things we’ve decided:

1. I am not going to charge money for any part of this site. Dooce.com will always remain free. All of it.

2. I am going to accept adverstising for this site, but I want all advertising to remain tasteful in design and smallish in nature. This means that you will never see flashing, wildly animated banners or pop-up ads when you visit me. Eventually I’d like to sell small ad spaces directly to you if you have a small business or idea that you’d like broadcast to a whole bunch of people who don’t mind talk of cabbage boobs.

3. I will produce Dooce merchandise, definitely t-shirts and baby gear and dog thingies, perhaps mugs and stickers and of course shot glasses. I don’t want to do this through CafePress, though, because I possess a compulsive, anal-rententive sense of perfectionism when it comes to EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE, except for proper usage of commas, and apostrophe’s, I just cant be bothered. When you buy gear with my brand on it, it will be KICK ASS GEAR, and it will survive the Second Coming of Jesus Christ it will be so durable. This part of the plan will come a little later.

4. I will accept donations to this site. I have been accepting donations, but most people don’t even notice the link in my navigation box. So I’ll put the links right here:

Donate through PayPal
Donate through Amazon

Donations will go toward making improvements to this site, toward helping me pay for better hosting, and toward getting the Dooce Schwag Machine off the ground. They will also enable me to spend more time updating this site. I’d love the help, and you’d get waves and waves of cool karma coming your way. I promise that none of the donations will be spent on George’s would-be pot smoking habit.

5. I’m going to shop around a book. The ideas I have are still under wraps, but this is definitely something I want to do. Too bad Everyone Poops has already been written.

Thanks again for your input and support. May cool karma waves be coming at you already since you’ve helped me through what has to be the roughest time of my life. The new design will be coming soon, and I’ll try my hardest to keep this place updated in the meantime.

P.S. I solemnly vow never to post nude pictures of George.