An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

40 Weeks

  • I recognize that look. That’s the “9th month, 3rd trimester, my feet are swollen, my back hurts, I have to pee 10 times an hour, and this baby better get outta me right now or I’m gonna stab my husband” look.

  • I was that huge at about 30 weeks. You look fantastic for about-to-be-giving-birth.

  • maura

    oh, i know that feeling ALL TOO WELL!!!! you look SOOOOO ready!! that is actually how i feel right this very second, i go to the hospital tonight to have our 2nd daughter!!!

  • beachgal

    I totally remember that look as well. But I think I was that huge way before 40 weeks. I wanted my son out long before he decided he was ready to arrive. I think you look awesome for practically in labor.

  • Julia

    I agree with Ange, except I looked like that at 20 weeks. You looked terrific, but DEFINITELY ready to get that baby out!

  • Love the composition with the light switches.

  • red

    i am tall and skinny,too, and i sure hope i look like you when i’m 40 weeks pregnant.

  • That is a gorgeous photo. Lovely composition and light as well as very adequately capturing the if-this-baby-doesn’t-come-soon-I-will-remove-it-with-a-kitchen-utensil look. I know that feeling well. People were wisely a bit afraid of me for the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. I was ready to kick in the shins the next person who told me that first babies are always late.

  • Man, you look so thrilled!!! *snort*

  • Ha! Little-bellied woman! Unfortunately for me, my body not only embraced the fetus but swelled to dynamic proportions around it. And then the child had the nerve to weigh 8.5 pounds and he was 3 weeks early. I must be built for breeding or something. Gross! Anyway…you look grrreat!

  • You look thrilled. Haven’t not had any kids, I can only imagine the feeling. Ready for another one?

  • Ha! This could be an illustration to match my journal entry from the morning of the day my water broke:
    I must look huge. Or maybe just tired. I say this because all of a sudden everywhere I go people stare at my belly and about a third of them say “Oh, wow. When are you due?”
    I’m pretty sure I hear pity in their voices.

  • Lori

    Lookit! Fred!

  • midwifegoddessannie

    As we often say in Australia…. “Love yer Guts”

  • You are so lucky to have pictures of your pregnancy. I recently found out I can’t get pregnant. I’d love to be so uncomfortable! And wow, just knowing what a sweet little surprise that was waiting in that belly!

  • Mir

    “Portrait of a woman who gets up twenty times a night to go pee”

    Oh man. I think I’m having flashbacks, now. Hee.

  • heehee.. you look SO PISSED OFF 🙂


    *pokes you in the belly and waits for the giggle*

    Ok, that was just wrong. Sorry. 🙂

  • I remember that look, that day for me as well. No matter how awful I felt, the excitment overpowered the rest.

  • That lightswitch is huge! Oh, wait. 😉

  • jen

    hah! You look SO ready for it to all be over!!

  • kara

    You tiny thing! Here I am at 34 weeks and every time my husband walks by he says “wow, your belly is huge” and I reply with “that’s because I ate our baby”. Not only can I not see my feet, I can no longer see our cats when they rub up against my legs.
    All I do is eat, sleep, and pee.
    Ahhh…the miracle of life!

  • Oh, gosh, I just opened this in school. 😛 Hope nobody thinks I’m looking at something that should be blocked by our school’s internet security thing.

  • So impressive. Whenever I take self portaits of myself, they end up being all blurry with the weird lighting and the fat I hide in regular photos all hanging out. As for the photo itself, you can see that you’re ready for Leta to get born, but man do you look awesome for 40 weeks.

  • Camille

    My god, you look like what I looked like at 30 weeks. You remind me of one of those celebrities who you would never know was pregnant if not for the little bump. Skinny bitch. 😛

    You look ready to be done with the whole mess.

  • I have that look and that belly now and I am only 32 Weeks pregnant 🙁 Lets just say I have cursed you many times before since you seem to have carried beautifully and this being my first….I resemble a beached whale!!!!!

  • beachgal

    Kara, that is hilarious. Yeah, I couldn’t tell which cat was rubbing my legs when I hit about 34 weeks or so, either. I had to wait for them to walk away, cause I sure wasn’t bending over to check.

  • And to think, at that moment the rest of your family was still wondering whether you were really going to name your daughter Fawnzelle La Bon Marché Armstrong.

  • Lori

    I have a very important question that I don’t think has been addressed on your site.


    I’m at 20 weeks and I can see the bottom of my belly button for the first time in my life. Outies skeeve me out (sorry outie people) so if yours didn’t go back in, I’m going to have to prepare drastic re-belly button positioning measures…

    I wish I was at 40 weeks…

  • Lylah

    You can tell by the look on your face how ready you were for Leta to be born, but Heather, you look absolutely beautiful in that picture.

  • kim

    jeah, unfortunately i just know i will never look that great when i’m pregnant..but i love a baby-belly like that. not in a creepy way. just in a “i’m-27-and-ready-to-have-one-myself” way. hope that’s all right ;o)

  • HazelEyedPisces

    Boy do I remember that feeling. I think that flashback might stave off any baby cravings for a while. My husband thanks you! :c) Great picture, Heather!

  • Kate

    THANK YOU! I no longer need my ortho-tricyclen! Just staring at your belly and that look are enough for me. 🙂

    In all honesty, this picture really captures an incredible moment. Would you be willing to just follow me around with a camera?

  • Amazing how if you peek at the previous right after you look at the presently displayed shot…how the light switch goes right on in your life. 🙂

  • Cora’s mommy

    Wow, you really looked good at 40 weeks. I gained 58 pounds and I did Tae Bo up until my due date. Of course my ankles were the same size as my thighs, so I guess you can say it was ALL water weight, LOL! (and chocolate cake)

  • Yeah, you look really good.

    NO YOU DON’T! You look pissed and uncomfortable.

    As you should.

  • Now why am I not seeing a single stretch mark? I’m 37 weeks along and I look like Freddy Krueger found me in my nightmares!

    Honestly Heather, you wore your baby VERY well!!!

  • Lori,
    If it makes you feel better I had twins and my belly button poke out to an insane level, and went back in within a few days of delivery, Dooce belly looked great! You not so much, I’m glad it was over soon after!

  • Christine

    Wow! I think you looked amazing for the day before giving birth. You look like you didn’t gain an ounce anywhere but in your belly. But you most certainly look emotionaly ready to get your body back.

  • shy

    no stretch marks! lucky gal.

  • What a beautiful image. And what a precious moment to capture!!

  • You can tell that Leta’s birth is imminent…the turkey timer has popped out ;o)

  • lady quicksilver

    Your hair is so fucking cute!

  • God, I only hope I look that good when I get knocked up.

  • chickenHead @ 37 weeks

    I agree with Julia, except I looked like that at 10 weeks.

  • Using the belly as the tripod: brilliant.

  • Lauren

    Gawd, I loved the poop story. I feel bad because it sounds awful but you told it so well. Hey, I’ve gone to the hospital just because I had gas.

  • Christen

    I remember that look as

  • Makenna

    Will you please post a picture of ‘The Avon Sales Leader’ sometime?

  • Gia in Guam

    Oh gawd the story of C cracked me up! I’ve not had it that bad but then again, I eat spicy food. Around here, they say, it’s not hot unless it burns you twice!!

    As for your charming photo…it’s quite obvious you are ready to introduce your precious angel to the world…either that or the Big Bad Motherfucking Poop is being sassy witcha.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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