An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


  • midwifegoddessannie

    I have nothing intelligent to say… only that YAY I AM THE FIRST ONE! Yeah juvenile I know. I would also say that I would like to go to OLD NAVY!!! WE NEED OLD NAVY IN AUSTRALIA.. and we need more poop and cowbells too obviously.

  • Kimberley

    I knew I wasn’t the only one who was addicted!

  • oh poo, I am second. bleah!

    I went a few days without blogging while on vacation a few weeks ago and got very twitchy and irritable. Glad to know that even the great Dooce has the same problem! Bwaha!

  • or third, whatever…

  • Oh, I feel the acceptance and love here, y’all. I SO know this feeling.

  • Even worse: stopping in an Apple store to check the fricking web hits statistics of your (as of now, totally dead) blog, and smirking at everyone on the store cause you so totally got like 5 hits from Chile, BOOH-YAH.

  • I am the same way. We (gasp) don’t have internet access at home so I find myself wanting to swing by my work or my husband’s on the weekend to blog. Soon there will be 12 step programs for blog addicts.

  • The Apple Store – Happiest Place on Earth. My company could have me on a business trip anywhere, and as long as there is an Apple Store, I don’t feel homesick.

  • The Apple Store looks so pretty. I’ve never been to one. I have surfed blogs on a lobby computer while waiting to get my hair done, though.

  • Sarah

    I love the family outing to the Apple Store! We did the same thing when the Roseville Apple store opened here MN. The family that Nerds together stays together!

  • kim

    jeah, that is pretty scary..48 hours – but didn’t you meet a few bloggers live and in colour though?? a 12 step program sounds like a plan. i’m gonna end up being fired for browsing blogs at work all the time. but my internet at home is just so darn slow – and expensive..

  • Christy

    I am floored by how skinny you are. And by the fact that I never realized this.

  • My little family could live in the Apple store.

  • d

    I second that!

  • Jaclyn

    If it means anything to ya, I’m in my college library reading YOUR blog, and others, instead of STUDYING.

  • Weez

    The remnants of Ivan knocked out my internet access for a couple of days. Lights, food, water I can do without, but don’t take away my net.

  • I was without internet on account of Hurricane Frances. That was an unpleasant experience – being w/o the internet (not to be confused with Hurricane Frances . . . 2 totally different animals). However, while you can surf the internet to find out about the hurricane, you can’t surf the hurricane to find out about the internet. Believe me, I tried.

    I love your writing style Heather . . . very unique and clever. I’ve been captivated since . . . well since I found your site about a week ago from caliblog.

  • OHMIGOD, I made it to a post that still had comments enabled! YAY! Just wanted to stand up and say, My Name is Melanie and I am a Blog Addict.

  • I love the way the apple store smells. It’s so apple-y. And by apple-y, I mean the company, not the fruit…… 😛

  • Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

  • At least I now know that I am not alone in my blog addiction problem, including forsaking work to get my fix.

  • ButtLover

    Now why did she have to have that bag? I wanted a good look at her famous pooper.


    sorry, I missed the opp. to comment on “Mecca” – why is it that EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to Old Navy or Barnes & Noble, I have the serious urge to poop? Do they have some kind of subsonic bowel-moving rhythm playing from their soundsystem?!?!?

  • The Apple Store in San Francisco? Drool.

    I vacation soon, for over 2 weeks. I’ll bring my iBook and hope for connections along the journey. MUST BLOG. MUST READ BLOGS.

    And posting pictures is definately a must.

  • shy

    i’ve surfed other blogs and emailed like crazy during my own honeymoon. which was on a carribean cruise!


    I hope my physique is as good as yours when I give birth to a nearly 8-pound baby.

    Love how thin those PowerBooks are.

  • Rose

    I was thinking the exact same thing. Why are you so skinny?! How do you do it? =)

  • informer

    breastfeeding + new baby anxiety = massive weight loss. I weighed 117 lbs at 5’11 (without trying) by the time my son turned 1 (don’t recommend it I got really sick!)

  • Aubrey’s mom

    Um, yeah…my 8.3oz-birthweight baby girl is only a month younger than Miss Leta and my rear view is not NEARLY as nice looking as yours! I know “thou shalt not covet”…but I covet the size of your thighs!!! 🙂

  • The other thing about the Apple Store is that they always have an open wireless network, so I know whenever I’m near one I can whip out my iBook and log on.

    I’ve actually pulled of the highway in upstate NY to swing by a mall that I knew had an Apple Store just so I could check my email. SICK!!

    Dr. Dave (

  • Ew. Buttlover is a perv.

  • a little envious

    You should really post Dooce’s diet and exercise tips. Please don’t tell me it’s all genetics!

  • jazz

    dooce, any chance you could post a pic of your wedding/engagement rings sometime? i have a thing for rings . . . they say a lot about a person, i think, and this is the closest we’ve gotten to a glimpse of yours.

    even though i’m nosy, at least this isn’t as perverted as buttlover’s post. 🙂

  • Liisa

    NOW I’M REALLY MAD at my husband for taking me to a GIGANTIC sporting goods store for Mother’s Day (which was the same day as my damn birthday). These spiffy new 50% off Birkenstocks are suddenly feeling like cement shoes…
    From this day forward he will not get to even be in the same room as my bad-ass iBook. I need a drink.

  • kara

    anybody else find that a blog site is the best way from keeping your family from descending en masse to your home?

  • And I think I’m bad for sneaking warp speed peeks at blogs while my boyfriend is in the shower and clearing the history so he has not the ammunition to berate me (lovingly – *ahem*) in public.

  • oh yeah. you’re not the only one.

    i was in el paso for FOUR DAYS with no access, no place to vent. it was hell. oh wait, that wasn’t withdrawals. it was my BITCH of an aunt! that’s another story entirely.

  • When we found the mecca in San Francisco on our honeymoon…we visited the place about 3 times a day. We could have walked 5 miles that day around the city and we still somehow managed to make it back to the APPLE. God bless APPLE

  • er, where’s the bag from dooce? because, i REALLY LIKE the bag.

  • Lauren

    Was Lady Leta asleep? I don’t see people with their fingers stuck in their ears.

  • I am SO that same way!! I don’t know if I could make it 48 hours!!

  • Yes, I went on vacation to see family – family who I would sooner render temporarily blind than ever allow them to find my online journal. So I made this deal with myself: It’s only nine days – you can check your journal and journal buddies when you get home. Twenty minutes after arriving, I’m on my father’s laptop, reading journals, writing entries, and deleting history like mad.

    Who could you have been reading in that photo, by the way?

  • alex

    I totally get the skin crawling of internet addiction….good for u, 48 hours! I am lucking if I can go 12 without atleast trying to claw my way to a computer!

  • Of course the bag is from Old Navy! Plus, a great way to lose all your baby weight is to come down with a bad case of depression/anxiety. It will totally suck to live that way, and your family will suffer, and you won’t sleep EVER, but your appetite will totally disappear and you’ll be back to pre-baby weight in no time. I DON’T RECOMMEND IT.

  • i’ve grown fond of using the iStore’s to do all my base MAC/Safari compatibility testing. I dont have a mac at home, and tend to give my iFriends that glossy-look when i attempt to email them basic acceptance scenario’s for the sites i design.

    oh, and my iPaq got munched at w WIRED photo shoot last week. So, they’ll be cutting me a check for five hundo or thereabouts. Thinking i might finally grab sack and throw down for an iPod.

    Thats all. I really just wanted to say HI and see howm many time i could interject “i” before various iNouns.


  • I’ve never touched a PowerBook. Is it fun? Sigh. I want one.

  • My husband and I had a similar internet-deprivation experience on our honeymoon last year. We ended up at the Doubletree Hotel in Boston, and Aaron _had_ to pay however much a minute to check his bank account online—he wanted to see how much some wedding thing or other had debited from his account. If the internet kiosk hadn’t been so exorbitantly priced, I don’t doubt that we would have spent some quality time out of our honeymoon just checking stuff online that we’d been missing for half a week so far.

    ::rolls eyes::

  • I’m the same with email. Some people are addicted to instant messaging. I’d often see signed in IM accounts in computer stores because people forgot to sign off. Other people have changed the person’s online name to mature things like ‘I am so gay’. I’m always so tempted to chat with the person’s IM friends.

  • jeff

    eh, don’t mean to sound stupid, but what’s a blog??

  • You look like a damn supermodel.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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