the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Second Cousins

  • caroline

    2004/09/27 at 6:20 am

    nice southern touch 😉 is noah one of the twins? (This One and That One?) If so, I’m impressed you knew which one it was.

  • Carrs

    2004/09/27 at 6:20 am

    I am catching up on my dooce reading from the weekend and, damm. I know for certain my mother she isn’t over the delivery of my twin siblings yet. And all these years, I have been thinkng she’s the greatest for raising 3 kids, getting them through college, crying at their weddings and cleaning up after her grandchildren and come to find out she lacked fiber THE ENTIRE TIME.

    That’s it. No Mother’s Day card for her next year.

  • di

    2004/09/27 at 6:21 am

    gotta love those family shots!

  • red

    2004/09/27 at 6:34 am

    cousin george makes it again on!

  • Heatheranne

    2004/09/27 at 6:42 am

    Wow. George has been here twice. I see he got rid of the facial hair.

  • WindyLou

    2004/09/27 at 6:43 am

    I want to be on Dooce! Me next! me!

  • Lori

    2004/09/27 at 6:55 am

    I need to get me some fibre… or whatever drugs the pinko is high on.

  • beachgal

    2004/09/27 at 7:15 am

    Yay! Family shots are cool! Great work, again, Ms. Dooce. And who cares about freaks that type in pink. You are a great mom, and since we go through what we do in order to have babies, I think we have a right to complain about this, that and the other, and if she doesn’t like it, why does she read your site? Holy run on sentence Batman!

  • kari

    2004/09/27 at 7:22 am

    re: pinko (Lori: hee!). Right, and we’re all supposed to know how we’ll “handle” having kids before we actually have one, and if we determine that we won’t have the fibre (or if someone else like pinko determines that for us, I suppose), then we just don’t have them.

    I suspect pinko doesn’t have kids.

  • dhd

    2004/09/27 at 7:25 am

    Doesn’t George look a little like Jack Osbourne?

  • Julie

    2004/09/27 at 7:34 am

    Both boys are adorable.
    Pinko must be perfect. Let’s leave the child bearing and rearing to only perfect people like her.

  • patti

    2004/09/27 at 8:01 am

    Yes, he does look like Jack O. And don’t tell the pink lady that I too lack fibre….and am about to have kid # 2 ! We are your nightmare, lady!

  • CAS

    2004/09/27 at 8:04 am

    Pinko can have my beloved, smart, adorable baby girl every damned morning at 5am, when she starts crying her head off. She can do the late-night feeding at 11, too.

  • Lindsey

    2004/09/27 at 8:12 am

    I’m guessing that your nephew calls your ‘Ant Heather’? My newphew is from Tenesee and he calls on the phone to tell me ‘Haaay Annnt Linzeee my favorite color is pank’ 🙂

  • Amy

    2004/09/27 at 8:19 am

    That is one adorable little boy. And his kid is a cutie too. Noah has that fibre-lacking-mother look. You know, adorable and happy and well-adjusted, the kind of kid who would never send rude judgemental e-mails to sweet people.

  • Julie

    2004/09/27 at 8:33 am

    I’m digging Noah’s “Casual Day belly showing” vibe contrasted with George’s suit. 🙂

    As for pinko, someone needs to tell her that those of us with fiber spell it that way. FIBER. We aren’t wanna-be Brits.

    Let’s force-feed her shredded wheat.

  • jen

    2004/09/27 at 8:35 am

    Actually wrote an indignant letter to pinko. SHOCKER: She didn’t have an epidural for ANY of her births. I’m sorry, but I don’t have the fibre to go through pain when I don’t have to either. Go us fibre-less moms!

  • Sarcomical

    2004/09/27 at 9:16 am

    i want to pinch BOTH of their cheeks!

    also, got a great laugh over your photo of the coolest group of nerds on the planet! can i join your club? 😉

  • Elegant Goose

    2004/09/27 at 9:51 am

    Hey dhd- Re: George looking exactly like Jack Osborne– I was just about to write the exact same thing- that George looks a lot like a different kid from a slightly more famous, slightly more crazy family. I think it’s the combo of the curyly hair and the baby face.

  • Kristi

    2004/09/27 at 9:54 am

    You take the best pics Heather. I absolutely love your blog. Your little Leta is delicious!

    Tell Pinko to stick it where the sun don’t shine. All the fibre in the world didn’t help me either. She’s on crack.

    By the way, you all are adorable geeks!

  • annelise

    2004/09/27 at 9:55 am

    sassietrousers? who calls themselves sassietrousers? what’s with this chick?

    of course having a child is WONDERFUL!!!!! i have a nine year old and i swear to god still don’t know what the hell i’m doing most of the time. no – all of the time!

    not everyone is a pink powerpuff mommy.

    heather, not one bloody thing you’ve written has been anything less than WONDERFULLY honest and heartfelt. this is what being a mom is all about, not pretending everything is perfect when its not…

    i could eat noah for lunch, he’s so bloody cute! i bet his mommy isn’t perfect either, but damn that kid looks happy.

  • Melissa

    2004/09/27 at 10:13 am

    Hey, you never mentioned your cousin is Horatio Sans!

    Gotta say I admire your honesty re: threeway with the laptops while friends are visiting. Me, I’d rather repeatedly reconvene the procedure or visit with friends.

    Glad to read Leta is finally sleeping some!

  • jodi-no-blog

    2004/09/27 at 10:22 am

    I agree with dhd and patti…George is a Jack Osborne doppleganger. If he’s Mormon, its like he is the complete antithesis of Jack Osborne! Yin and Yang. OK, sorry I’m being weird, I am so freaking bored at this job…I’ll do anything for a little distraction.

  • Laurel825

    2004/09/27 at 10:34 am

    George reminds me of someone I can’t pin down…brain freeze…mental block…unemployed and eating too many blueberry Pop Tarts and root beer…who??? “Skipper” on SATC! George has an earnest, pleading look, a story to tell.

  • trisha

    2004/09/27 at 10:38 am

    George reminds me of that guy on Six Feet Under…um, Arthur?

    Great pic, as always!

  • Liisa

    2004/09/27 at 10:49 am

    Tell your cousin that I think he is REALLY cute! And something about him screams “I’m a funny guy” and that just drives me crazy. Cute little Noah, too. Can I join your family somehow? They are so much more photogenic than mine…

  • dhd

    2004/09/27 at 11:11 am

    Aside from Jack Osbourne, George also looks a bit like Steven Page of BNL (only with more hair). Check it out:

  • Michael

    2004/09/27 at 11:38 am

    Why haven’t I married someone like that! Oh, thats right… I dont own land in massachusetts.

    Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you. 😀

  • Michael

    2004/09/27 at 11:38 am

    i meant that to be a comment on the other photo. Because wolverine is hot

  • Tammy

    2004/09/27 at 12:00 pm

    Is your cousin single? Oh wait, I’m married, nevermind 🙂

    Dude, I’m so glad the pink lady has such a staleward vagina. I HAVEN’T had any kids yet, and “the procedure” is STILL more uncomfortable than NOT uncomfortable. Dude. Man. Dude. I’m SO glad that the pink lady is SO much more capable of living our lives and making decisions and judgments of us than we are.

  • Cece

    2004/09/27 at 12:10 pm

    Wolverine?! LMFAO!

  • Ty

    2004/09/27 at 1:40 pm

    I just want to know how Pinko could possibly think the labor pains and TEARING are “wonderful”! She is definitely out of her mind.

    I haven’t had kids yet, but I have to say I am glad you give it the way it is. Not sugar-coated. I would much rather know the truth than be lulled into submission only to be frustrated and angered by what I wasn’t told.

    Pinko needs to write her own daily blog and write only all the wonderful things her children do everyday. Bet the blog would die a fast painful death.

  • delusive

    2004/09/27 at 1:48 pm

    I like George.

    That is all.

  • Dipali

    2004/09/27 at 2:02 pm

    Im the first one to comment about Leta’s teeth !!
    Njoy teething ….

  • Brochstar

    2004/09/27 at 2:29 pm

    Ah, the family, always the family =-)

  • eco2geek

    2004/09/27 at 2:37 pm

    Theme from “Star Trek” begins. Cue William Shatner: “Teeth. The final frontier.”

    Just got through reading the “DOOCED” archives for the first time. Oh, my. 🙂 Really looking forward to reading the rest (and feeling like a stalker).

    (P.S. Britney Spears was, is, and shall remain a saucy tart.)

  • MelissaS

    2004/09/27 at 2:46 pm

    Re: Photo on front page. ‘Wolverine’

    Wolverine’s non super hero name is Logan. Coincidence?

  • Mary

    2004/09/27 at 2:58 pm

    I can’t wait until mine has teeth..

    Luckily, Dooce, you aren’t like one of those Boob Nazis and insist on nursing your kid until it goes to college, and even then on weekends.


  • aibee

    2004/09/27 at 3:55 pm

    George looks like Arthur from Six Feet Under, but with more grrr and less brrr, you know?

    Meanwhile Noah is straight up cute as a bug.

  • Crazy Jane

    2004/09/27 at 4:40 pm

    When my little monkey’s teeth arrived, I cried for hours. I think it was that I just didn’t ever want him to become toothsome and meat-eating; not because I have a problem with that, but because he was such a sweet little harmless creature… except for the screaming.

    Oh well. He’s 12 now, and he’s lost his last baby tooth this week, ane he’s still a very sweet little creature.


  • Christine

    2004/09/27 at 4:49 pm

    I love how Noah’s little hand is resting upon George’s big one. That would make a lovely image all by itself!

    By the way, I could gobble both of these guys up with a spoon. They are adorable. 🙂

  • heathabee

    2004/09/27 at 4:54 pm

    cute pic! love the devlish lil’ face on noah there.. 😉

    and regarding the one on the front page, how many times have we seen pictures of Leta making the face that Jon is in that picture? my guess is a million! 🙂

  • Melissa

    2004/09/27 at 5:19 pm

    teeth…we want pictures of teeth!!!

  • Erin

    2004/09/27 at 5:21 pm

    Where’s Ass Face?

  • Shiz

    2004/09/27 at 6:10 pm

    The lady who writes in pink does not have a CLUE. People like that should never be allowed to express their opinions, ever. Except perhaps when I want a laugh.

  • Michael

    2004/09/27 at 6:26 pm

    Get ready for a deluge of weird ass fan mail– referring to the main page’s post. And maybe a photo or two of Wolverine. Cuz, after all… he’s REALLY HOT.

    That child reminds me of my best friend as a child. 😀

  • Christine

    2004/09/27 at 6:33 pm

    I can’t wait for the new category on photos of the bizarre stuff that people send to my P.O. Box. Bring it on!

  • dj blurb

    2004/09/27 at 6:59 pm

    I kick ass at jeopardy. I will kick your ass. I am Wolverine’s twin brother, Wolverine III: Cajun Revenge. We lost one of the clones in the Process to become Wolverine. So it all works out.

    P.S. The Cajun part means I will blacken your ass with a nice crushed pepper glaze.

  • karen

    2004/09/27 at 7:54 pm

    1) stalwart vagina (from someone’s earlier (and misspelled, but that’s ok) comment is a great band name

    2) dooce, you may have just spawned a cultural phenomenon. soon you will hear 16 year olds saying they just reconvened their procedure for the first time, and they won’t even realize how ironic that is.

  • Gia on Guam

    2004/09/27 at 8:16 pm

    Dooce, your husband just got a helluva lot hotter! Talk about cranking it up a notch! Jeopardy Geeks are sooooooooooo sexy!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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