Serving a Life Sentence

Today I met the New and Improved Leta: Her Screamness Who Screams A Lot Every Day With The Screaming FOR A REASON. Up until this point she has screamed for no reason other than that there are only a certain number of functions an infant can perform, like sleeping, eating and screaming. Today, however, she screamed for a reason, that reason involving me taking away the cordless phone she had shoved nearly all the way down her gummy, semi-thoothy maw. A few moments passed after I had successfully removed the phone from her mouth, and she looked at me like, “And who the hell are you?” And then… then the Screaming For A Reason, the most piercing, excruciating noise that could be emitted without cutting a hole in the lower atmosphere. The windows vibrated.

Oh, the life that I have ahead of me.