This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

Thinking

Thank GOD the Red Sox won! This means that I should be able to poop for the next 86 years STRAIGHT.

October 27, 2004

If you’re looking for Chuck’s adoption story, here it is

Did I ever tell you about that one time someone stole my dog? Yeah, her name was Bootsie, and she was a five-month-old terrier mix that we met at the Burbank Humane Society, and I loved her and she loved me. Her whole body was…

How to Annoy Me

Spend all that money remodeling your house, and then stick the air conditioning unit RIGHT IN FRONT, like a booger or a scab that begs to be flicked.

When the Discovery Channel meets real life

The Republican National Committee is sponsoring a series of ads in Utah that feature God’s voice condemning a candidate for governor for being a Democrat. God quotes the candidate in his booming, omniscient voice, “I am what I am, A DEMOCRAT.” And you can hear…